Where did the year go by?

Happen to read the article on Where did the year 2015 go by in the Times of India - so true the pace of time never change, but some people never get much done, and others achieve the moon in the same span of time - Is it all because of perception? Every time as December approaches, you realise that yet another year has passed by before you even knew it. A better alternative is to set CLEAR - Clear would mean Collaborative, Limited, Emotional, Appreciable, Refinable - goals.



Enjoy what you do. You need not wait for weekends to enjoy.

12 Daily Reminders

1. The past cannot be changed.
2. Opinions don’t define your reality
3. Everyone’s journey is different
4. Things always get better with time
5. Judgements are a confession of character
6. Overthinking will lead to sadness
7. Happiness is found within
8. Positive thoughts create positive things
9. Smiles are contagious
10. Kindness is free
11. You only fail if you quit
12. What goes around, comes around.

Ladies Coupe by Anita Nair

Trying to read this book some years back, but not being able to and having put this aside; for some reason was tempted to read this in full this Christmas season.

Well though not highly recommended; better than the three trending Engineering+MBA trending authors.

Something that I perceived, which I had not before were -

1) Though it speak of 5 ladies; it actually had stories of 10+ ladies and their (Anita Nair's) perceptions.
2) The train knew where it was headed. The train would stay awake while the passengers slept. The passengers need not tell the train what to do. (This resembeles life - we need to make choices; which there are in plenty - decision making matters; and when we feel we are not on the right track - change)
3) There are 5 elements that constitute life : and one can classify oneself into each of them - Like Margaret considered herself to be water.


The five ladies sharing Ladies Coupe were the old and experienced Janaki, Rich Prabha Devi, Margaret (Maragatham) the Chemistery Teacher, the young Sheela, poor (sister to the real thing) Marikolanthu, and the Central Character Akhilandeshwari or Akhila who sets out on a journey to Kanyakumari at the age of 45, single an income-tax clerk, who had to step into her fathers shoes, when he passed away; and was never allowed to live outside her roles as a daughter, sister, aunt a provider. She wonders: Can a woman stay single and be happy, or does a woman need a man to feel complete?

How does one know if one loves, hates or is merely indifferent to a man? How does one measure what one feels? Love is a colourless, volatile liquid. Love ignites and burns. Love leaves no residue - neither smoke nor ash. Love is a poison masquerading as the spirit of wine. Love beckons with a rare bouquet. Love demands your drink of it. And then love burns the tongue, the senses. Love blinds. Love maddens. Love separates reason from thought. Love kills. Those who can't have love have to settle for need. What is love if not a need disguised?

Do every womam desire for the meeting of the sperm and egg which are parts of the potential human life and create zygote the biological human life?

Once you stop worrying what the world will think of you, your life will become that much easier to live. You have to look out for yourself. No one else will.

Also the other women in the story are Akhila's mother - who married her Uncle, and was so much in love with him, that Akhil felt, if the couple are very much in love through out their life, their children would need to live the life of an orphan? Sarasa Mamai - when the head of the family dies, the family dies with him - will any mother want to go through what Sarasa Mamai had to? Karpagam - Akhila's friend - who made her dream and think of change. Sujatha Akka; Ladies K & L.

Well there are men as well - and I wonder if the cover page is Akhila waiting for Hair or is it the Ladies Coupe? Though had taken the book the second time to know the ending - it leave with a question mark.

Who made Akhila realise - Happiness is being allowed to choose one's own life, to live it the way one wants. Happiness is knowing one is loved and having someone to love. Happiness is being able to hope for tomorrow.

Women are not weak. Women are strong. Women can do everything as well as men. Women can do much more. But a woman has to seek that vein of strength in herself. It does not show itself naturally.

Akhila is Akhilandeswari decimated into ten entities:

Kali - Ready to destroy all that comes between her and the flow of time.

Tara - With the golden embryo from which a new universe will evolve. She will be her own void and infinity.

Sodasi - Fullness at sixteen. Nurturing dreams and hopes. Even now at 45.

Bhuvaneshwari - The forces of the material world surge within her.

Bhairavi - Seeking to find ways and means to fulfil her desires before all is null and void.

Chinnamasta - The naked one continuing the state of self - sustenance in the created world; making possible destruction and renewal in a cyclic order.

Dhumathi - Misfortune personified. An old hag riding an ass with a broom in one hand and a crow on her banner.

Bagala - The crane-headed one, the ugly side of all living creatures. Jealousy, hatred, curelty, she is all this and more.

Matangi - Seking to dominate.

Kamala - Pure consciousness of the self, bestowing boons and allaying fears...

Together and seperate this is Akhila.

End of yet another year...

The year began climing the Malayatoor hills - a wondeful trecking with sis and family - which Neil thoroughly enjoyed. View from atop a pristine hill is simply awesome; and for sis and family it ended up by the beach at Kovalam. The warm sun, calm water, and a great set of friends. For me it is a quite evening at home; being 3rd death anniversery of my father; besides his grave;a midnight bonfire might help? I remember:

Jab bhi tum khud ko akela mehsus karo to pareshan mat hona ... Bas apni ankhe band karna aur KHUDA se kehna ke kyu tune muje itna keemti banaya ke koi muje hasil hi nahi kar paaya....


Had lost my grand mother in the beginning of this year, not a shock, expected; So true...every mothers expect, pray and wish that her children will love each other long after she is gone....and many have left the world disappointed not being able to see this...What is the use of all rituals after death when one cannot be together when alive? What should we say and do with the people who try to bring barriers among the children - to the extend of declaring some of the siblings not alive, when they infact are; and other useless; except when they need them!! May the people doing this realise and pay for their folly.

What is the use of balming the discremination in the neighbourhood, when one cannot rectify it in ones own family?

Holiday week - the last week of the year, family time - Beginning with Neil's Bday and ending with Neil's Piranal; Achan's death anniversary and Amma's 60th Birthday in between; with Christman, New Year and Thiruvathira.

Thank you for all your support this year. Each of you have been valuable for me, in their own way, Not sure I’d survive without you! Yes, met so many of my old friends, had been to places, tasted variety food, saw the most number of cinema in theaters in my entire life till date and spend quality time with Ra of me.

Sending you best wishes for a happy and relaxing festive holiday.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!


Your's faithfully,

Bajirao Mastani

Bajirao Mastani is an enchanting, engrossing, entertaining but exhausting 2015 Indian epic historical romance film produced and
directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali, who also composed the music score of the film. Bhansali's perspective, so there indeed is Bhansalisam in the movie.

Aakhir Dil hey hindustani, and heart goes to Kashi, somehow cannot appreicate Bajirao going behind Mastani - howsoever good she may be - and therefore can see a true concerned mother in Radhabhai - though could not justify the brahmins - if Mastani was his first love it would have made sense - but oh ya...Love is blind and when you fall in love, you do not realise if it is first or second or nth, right; nevertheless so are the lovers. Tanvi Azmi, who portrays the role of Radhabhai mother of Bajirao, was amazing, so where both Bajirao and Mastani.

Well, well, it appears that in the years gone by, or done, most men are akin Bajirao - and have Mastani's - Rich or poor, modern or traditional, famous or common man - Some have them in their life, and is known by all; for some it is a secret - open or hidden. This relationship might be known by many names - Sauthan, extra marital affair, 2nd wife or whatsoever. And its difficult to identify - who is Kashi and who is Masthani in a man's life. To name a few - Jawaharlal Nehru, Amithab Bachan, Aamir Khan...and the list would go on and on...

Don't know why some people go intolerant, without understanding or knowing the facts. Though the movie was released around the same time as Dilwale and I was confused on which one to watch, as I had time for only one; am glad that Bajirao was choosen over Dilwale. As whoever have seen Dilwale inspite of the bad review, have just given double negative feedback and have nothing good to say.

Nazar jo teri laagi main deewani ho gayi, Deewani haan deewani ho gayi, Mashoor mere ishq ki kahani ho gayi...Thank you for the tickets...Ladies(sister's) Friday night out was a memorable one.

Oh Yes, I'm Single!

Well happen to read this year, a kind of Chetan Bhagat & Rabinder Sing; this year it was Durjoy Datta; and this year it was among other books of his - book on his story or their story - Durjoy and Maanvi Ahuja.

Well, could be the freedom and life style they lead, which have them open to so many affairs since young age - which is now becoming universal. Indeed being around a person you love makes you complete, even if he does not care about you, or is an asshole. You just wait to hear that you are loved and pray for it day after day.

When you know the love of your life if not your's the world around you appear to crash. It is upto us on how we take it. Meeting, breaking and meeting and imaginary ring. Once bitten twice shy.

Secrets to healthy Relationship

While it's true that it takes two persons in love, who trust and respect each other, to make a happy relationship, science has proved that it takes something more than love and companionship to make a relationship long-lasting.

1) Don't rush into things: The longer couples date before marriage, the greater their odds of staying together. (But there is no gurantee that they would stay)

2) Avoid expensive weddings: The duration of marriage is inversely proportional to money spent on the wedding. Debt stress is a common post-wedding phenomenon that usually eats into a relationship.

3) Cuddle up together: Couples who sleep close together are way more happier than those who don't.

4) Say "thank you": Being appreciative of the other's efforts and struggles tend to be more successful. It leads to an understanding, caring and responsive atmosphere in the relationship.

5) Be honest

6) Small gestures count : Like tight hug, a kiss, a cup of tea or an unexpected gift

7) Marriage not the only key to happiness: Cohabiting couples share the same advantage as married ones.

8) Long-distance relationships do work: These couples are likely to have deep bonding than those who are physically closer.

9) Look for a partner, not a soul mate

10) Having kids is not a compulsion: Have kids only if you think you can devote time to their upbringing and share the responsibilities with your partner.

11) Be kind: Long-lasting relationships require two essential traits: kindness and generosity.

12) Share your experiences: Going for a walk, exploring new places together or dining at new restaurants can make couples more understanding of each other.

13) Work on positive interactions: Giving compliments or showing appreciation towards the actions of your partner is important.

14) Share your laughter: Giggling in tandem is an indicator of the relationship's well being.

15) Talk as much as possible: At least 5 or more hours a week.

16) Stay fit: Being physically unfit put pressure on a relationship.

17) Give up texting

18) Drink like your partner: Its important that both partners drink in equal amounts or don't drink at all.

19) Surround yourself with happy couples

20) Be sexually active

21) Limit your friendship: couples who have a lot of mutual friends are more likely to break up, while couples whose friend circles don't overlap much stay together longer.

22) Sleep like a baby : sound sleep and happy relationship are directly proportional.

23) Share your chores : Share your responsibility.

24) Have similar spending habbits.

Easy to say - Difficult to practise.

Gujarathi Wedding Eve - A memorable experience

Had an eventful weekend, attending Gujarathi wedding of Pooja and Kunal. May there be showers of blessings on both of them. Their wedding was, simple, elegant and lively. There was lot of splendor, colours, dance, dazzlingly décor, traditional ritualism, and fun. Indeed it was very colorful and vibrant.

Sangeeth ceremony

On Saturday had been for the Sangeeth night before wedding., and wanted to return early – but the function was so mesmerizing that I ended up being my true self – A born spectator. It began with
• Dandiya – the traditional Gujarati dance which is performed by family members, with two sticks, and two circles, one moving clock wise and the other moving anti – clockwise. This ceremony gives chance for both families to meet, greet and know each other well. It was an opportunity for people to interact with as many people and know them.
• Other Dance – There were other dance like Bhangda, and Bollywood dance with D.J. Songs.
• Cake Cutting & Ring Exchange - There was cake cutting and ring exchange between the would be bride and groom. Both of them looked stunning in their traditional costume.
• Games – There was special game arranged for the bride and groom; with 10 set of questions asked, with both of them sitting facing opposite directions, and had to lift different hands if they agreed or disagreed. The would be couple scored 7 out of 10.
• Food/Dinner – Simple and yummy my mouth still waters, when I think of them – Masala Dosha, Chole Bhature and Tomato rice; followed by deserts being gulab jamun and icecream.

Wedding ceremony


On Sunday, it was soothing to see the colourfully decorated Mandap with soothing colours and few flowers with the four pillars – made of brass (presumably) pots kept one above the other, that surround the mandap representing the parents of the bride and groom. This signifies the important part they have played in raising their children to become the responsible adults they are today.

Chaats to welcome the guest, followed by yummy lunch and tea/coffee with Vadas – Batata Veda and Medhu veda.

• Barat – on the wedding day groom arrives on horse dressed in traditional attaire and family members dance in surrounding on the traditional music of band. Not sure if it happened as such, as we arrived after that.
• Ponkhana (welcoming the groom) – the groom is welcomed by brides family in traditional way where brides mother perform aarti and pulls him playfully by grabing his nose. Groom then step forward by crushing earthen pots into small pieces this signifies that groom has power to overcome any obstacles in his married life
• Ganesh Pooja – after the groom is welcomed to the mandap the ceremonies start whith prayer of lord ganesh who is know are aradhya daivat (god of peace, happiness and prosperity). ceremony begins with the worship of Lord Ganesh, deity of peace and wisdom. This is done so people can find strength within themselves to remove any obstacles that may arise..
• Madhuparka – the brides father wash grooms feet with honey, yoghurt and ghee. This is the time when sister and cousins of groom steel shoes and groom have to offer some money and take it back. Did not witness this either.
• Kanya Agman (brides arrival) – the bride arrives with her maternal uncle (mama) on the mandap when she reaches mandap there is curtain (antarpath) in between of bride and groom which separates them from each other
• Jaimala – during the arrival of bride the priest begins the ceremony by saying mangalashtak and then antarpath is lower and the couple exchange the garlands
• Kanya dan – the ritual is that parents give (dan) their daughter (goddess laxmi) to the groom (lord Vishnu). Parents give away their daughter by keeping her hand onto the grooms hand.
• Varmala – cord is tied around the neck of bride and groom and looped around 24 time by the elders in family. This means the couple is safe from any negative energy or evil
• Hasta Milap – the scarf wore by groom is tied to the scarf of bride this is known as meeting of soul. The petals of flowers and rice grains are shower on them during this ceremony.
• Mangal Pheres – brother of bride is asked to put some rice on the hands of bride and groom and pour it in hawan. The bride and groom take four circles around the hawan (fire) signifying the promise to be with each other, good health and prosperity, blessings, love and loyalty. During this ritual the priest recite some mantra. After which the bride and groom runs and sit on the chair, it is been said that whoever sits first will rule the house for life time.
• Saptapadi – during this ceremony the groom helps bride to touch 7 betel nuts with her right toes by chanting seven mantra in which he request for support from his wife in ups and downs of their life. This is the most important rite of the entire ceremony. Here the bride and the groom take seven steps together around the sacred fire (Agni) and make the following seven promises to each other: As per the Vedic rituals, the groom sings "With God as our guide, let us take":
1. The first step to nourish each other
2. The second step to grow together in strength
3. The third step to preserve our wealth
4. The fourth step to share our joys and sorrows
5. The fifth step to care for our children
6. The sixth step to be together forever
7. The seventh step to remain lifelong friends
8. The perfect halves to make a perfect whole!
The Satapadi ceremony concludes with a prayer that the union is indissoluble.
• Sindoor Daan – The groom puts red powder on brides head and ties mangalsutra around her neck which symbolize that she is married and belong to him.
• Kansar – the bride and groom feed sweets to each other after this all rituals have been done (this varies from tradition to tradition).
• Akhanda Saubhagyavati Bhava – here any seven womens are called to give blessing to newly married couple. These womens bless bride as akhanda saubhagyavati bhava which means that may your husband live long life and be with you forever.
• Ashirwad – The newlyweds take blessing from elders by touching their feet.

Post wedding functions


Gifts are exchanged between families
• Vidaai – This ceremony is about departure of couple which include tears of joy and sadness as the bride is departing for her new home leaving her old memories back.
• Ghar Nu Laxmi – The bride is welcome in her new home as Laxmi who will bring happiness and prosperity in their house. The mother-in-law place a matka or steel vessel filled with rice and ask bride to enter the new world by touching vessel with right foot.

Glad could be part of some, though not all the events – and wishing the newly wedded couple all joy.


All said and done, howsoever strong a women is, how much soever she may claim that she would not cry at her wedding day, it is an emotional day, an emotional moment. Not only the girl, those closely related to her also end up crying. This I have seen in post of the Indian weddings....all over the country, irrespective of the state or religion; except for a had few of them.