There is only one person responsible for the quality of the life you live. That person is you.
If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in your life. This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings—everything!
You will have to give up blaming and complaining and take total responsibility for your life—that means all your results, both your successes and your failures. That is the prerequisite for creating a life of success. It is only by acknowledging that you have created everything up until now that you can take charge of creating the future you want. if you realize that you have created your current conditions, then you can uncreate them and re-create them at will.
You Have to Give up All Your Excuses. Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses.
You have to take the position that you have always had the power to make it different, to get it right, to produce the desired result. For whatever reason—ignorance, lack of awareness, fear, needing to be right, the need to feel safe—you chose not to exercise that power. Who knows why? It doesn’t matter. The past is the past. All that matters now is that from this point forward you choose—that’s right, it’s a choice—you choose to act as if (that’s all that’s required—to act as if) you are 100% responsible for everything that does or doesn’t happen to you.
If something doesn’t turn out as planned, you will ask yourself, “How did I create that? What was I
thinking? What were my beliefs? What did I say or not say? What did I do or not do to create that result? How did I get the other person to act that way? What do I need to do differently next time to get the result I want?”
Mr. Stone, Dr. Robert Resnick, a psychotherapist in Los Angeles, taught a very simple but very important formula that made this idea of 100% responsibility even clearer. The formula is:
E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome)
The basic idea is that every outcome you experience in life (whether it is success or failure, wealth or
poverty, health or illness, intimacy or estrangement, joy or frustration) is the result of how you have
responded to an earlier event or events in your life.
If you don’t like the outcomes you are currently getting, there are two basic choices you can make.
1. You can blame the event (E) for your lack of results (O).
2. You can instead simply change your responses (R) to the events (E)—the way things are—until you get the outcomes (O) you want.
If You Don’t Like Your Outcomes, Change Your Responses
Everything You Experience Today is the Result of Choices You Have Made in the Past
Everything you experience in life—both internally and externally—is the result of how you have responded to a previous event.
If You Keep on Doing What You’ve Always Done, You’ll Keep on Getting What You’ve Always Got
Twelve-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous define insanity as “continuing the same
behavior and expecting a different result.” It ain’t gonna happen! If you are an alcoholic and you keep
on drinking, your life is not going to get any better. Likewise, if you continue your current behaviors,
your life is not going to get any better either.
The day you change your responses is the day your life will begin to get better! If what you are
currently doing would produce the “more” and “better” that you are seeking in life, the more and
better would have already shown up! If you want something different, you are going to have to do
something different!
You Have to Give up Blaming
All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. ~ WAYNE DYER
In short, you thought the thoughts, you created the feelings, you made the choice, you said the words, and that’s why you are where you are now.
You Have to Give up Complaining
The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
LOU HOLTZ
You’re Complaining to the Wrong Person
Have you ever noticed that people almost always complain to the wrong people—to people who
can’t do anything about their complaint? They go to work and complain about their spouse; then they
come home and complain to their spouse about the people at work. Why? Because it’s easier; it’s less
risky. It takes courage to tell your spouse that you are not happy with the way things are at home. It
takes courage to ask for a behavioral change. It also takes courage to ask your boss to plan better so
that you don’t end up working every weekend. But only your boss can do anything about that. Your
spouse can’t.
Learn to replace complaining with making requests and taking action that will achieve your desired outcomes. That is what successful people do. That is what works. If you find yourself in a situation
you don’t like, either work to make it better or leave. Do something to change it or get the heck out.
Agree to work on the relationship or get a divorce. Work to improve working conditions or find a
new job. Either way, you will get a change. As the old adage says, “Don’t just sit there (and complain), do something.” And remember, it’s up to you to make the change, to do something different. The world doesn’t owe you anything. You have to create it.
You Either Create or Allow Everything that Happens to You
To be powerful, you need to take the position that you create or allow everything that happens to you.
You directly cause something to happen by your actions or inactions. If you walk up to a man in a bar who is bigger than you, has obviously been drinking for a long time, and say to him, “You are really ugly and stupid,” and he jumps off the bar stool, hits you in the jaw, and you end up in the hospital—you created that.
So you pretend not to see and not to know because it is easier, more convenient and less uncomfortable, avoids confrontation, keeps the peace, and protects you from having to take risks.
Life Becomes Much Easier
Successful people, on the other hand, face facts squarely. They do the uncomfortable and take steps to create their desired outcomes. Successful people don’t wait for disasters to occur and then blame something or someone else for their problems.
Once you begin to respond quickly and decisively to signals and events as they occur, life becomes much easier. You start seeing improved outcomes both internally and externally. Old internal self-talk such as “I feel like a victim; I feel used; nothing ever seems to work out for me” is replaced with “I feel great; I am in control; I can make things happen.”
It’s Simple
The bottom line is that you are the one who is creating your life the way it is. The life you currently live is the result of all of your past thoughts and actions. You are in charge of your current thoughts and your present feelings. You are in charge of what you say and what you do. You are also in charge of what goes into your mind—the books and magazines you read, the movies and television shows you watch, and the people you hang out with. Every action is under your control. To be more successful, all you have to do is act in ways that produce more of what you want.
That’s it. It’s that simple!
Simple isn’t Necessarily Easy.
Though this principle is simple, it is not necessarily easy to implement. It requires concentrated awareness, dedicated discipline, and a willingness to experiment and take risks. You have to be
willing to pay attention to what you are doing and to the results you are producing. You have to ask yourself, your family, your friends, your colleagues, your managers, your teachers, your coaches, and
your clients for feedback. “Is what I’m doing working? Could I be doing it better? Is there something
more I should be doing that I am not? Is there something I am doing that I should stop doing? How do
you see me limiting myself?”
Don’t be afraid to ask. Most people are afraid to ask for feedback about how they are doing because they are afraid of what they are going to hear. There is nothing to be afraid of. The truth is the
truth. You are better off knowing the truth than not knowing it. And once you know, you can do
something about it. You cannot improve your life, your relationships, your game, or your performance
without feedback.
Slow down and pay attention. Life will always give you feedback about the effects of your behavior if you will just pay attention. If your golf ball is always slicing to the right, if you’re not making sales, if you’re getting C’s in all your college courses, if your children are mad at you, if your body is tired and weak, if your house is a mess, or if you’re not happy—this is all feedback. It is telling you that something is wrong. This is the time to start paying attention to what is happening.
Ask yourself: How am I creating or allowing this to happen? What am I doing that’s working that I need to be doing more of? (Should I do more practicing, meditating, delegating, trusting, listening, asking questions, keeping my eye on the ball, advertising, saying “I love you,” controlling my carbohydrate intake?)
What am I doing that’s not working? What do I need to be doing less of? (Am I talking too much,
watching too much television, spending too much money, eating too much sugar, drinking too
much, being late too often, gossiping, putting other people down?)
What am I not doing that I need to try on to see if it works? (Do I need to listen more, exercise, get more sleep, drink more water, ask for help, do more marketing, read, plan, communicate, delegate, follow through, hire a coach, volunteer, or be more appreciative?)
But the formula is simple—do more of what is working, do less of what isn’t, and try on new behaviors to see if they produce better results.
Pay Attention…Your Results Don’t Lie.
The easiest, fastest, and best way to find out what is or isn’t working is to pay attention to the results
you are currently producing. You are either rich or you are not. You either command respect or you
don’t. You are either golfing par or you are not. You are either maintaining your ideal body weight or
you are not. You are either happy or you are not. You either have what you want or you don’t.
It’s that simple.
Results don’t lie!
