When someone you love dies......

The void will always remain!

Having prayed for miracle, the miracle received was on 3rd Jan, after being discharged from hospital, and waiting for the next appointment on the 11th, Achan left for his heavenly abode....That was God's plan, may be because temporary cure could not be found, we needed to be seperated for sometime, untill we meet again.

Waiting for time to heal, but am sure the scar would remain, the initial feeling is that it can't be true! The bombshell opens a wound in our hearts that would keep healing, but will never be healed. Losing any loved one is hard.

It is normal to grieve and weep when a loved one dies. Various people had various symptoms of grief:

1. Initial shock, disbelief, denial, emotional numbness, guilt feeling (sometimes one may feel that some neglect on your part contributed to your loved one's death-real or imagined), anger.

2. Memory loss and insomnia; extreme fatigue; abrupt changes of mood; flawed judgement and thinking; bouts of crying; appetite changes, with resultant weight loss or gain; a variety of symptoms of disturbed health; lethargy; reduced work capacity; hallucinations-feeling, hearing, seeing the deceased, in the loss of a child, irrational resentment of your spouse. (Since my Uncles death, my grandmother had memory loss, some kept making fun of her when what was needed is caring her)

3. Leveling-off period: Sadness with nostalgia; more pleasant memories of the deceased, even tinged with humor.

Don't let others dictate... How you should act or feel.

Forgive them and forget about it. By trying to force yourself into a mold created by others or by society as a whole, you stunt your growth toward restored emotional health. However danger arised when stagnation sets in, when the grief-stricken person is unable to reconcile to the reality of the situation. It is then help  might be needed.

Releaseing Grief-How?

• Talking
• Writing
• Crying
• Prayer

Some practical suggestions:

• Rely on friends.
• Take care of your health.
• Postpone major decisions
• Be patient with yourself.
• Make allowances for others.
• Beware of using medication or alcohol to cope with grief, it should be only under doctors supervision.
• Get back into a regular routine.
• Developn your hobby.
• Do not be afraid to let go of acute grief.
• Do not be unduly anxious.
• Not sure about others, for me, it helped thinking of Orphans, visiting orphanage having food with them, and thinking about cousins who had lost their parents when they were young.
  
  When a grieving person talks, listen, and don't offer advice. In every culture, grieving people appreciate receiving comfort.

How Can others Help

What to do...

• Listen
• Provide reassurance (They did all that was possible, etc..anything that is ture and positive)
• Offer your sholder to cry.
• Put  in arms, wrap them around to comfort
• Be available; not just during the initial days, more required afterwords.
• Take appropriate initiative
• Be hospitable
• Be Patient and understanding
• Write a letter
• Pray with them

What not to do...

• Do not keep away because you do not know what to say or do.
• Do not pressure them to stop grieving
• Do not be quick to advice them to dicard clothing or other personal effects of the deceased before they are ready.
• Do not say, 'You can have another..."
• Do not necessarily avoid mentioning the departed one.
• Do not be too quick to say, it was for the best.
• It may be better not to say, 'I know how you feel'
• Phone calls at that time,may seem to be nuisance, and some may not like attending it. SMS would be ok

Helping a bereaved person calls for compassion, discernment, and much love on your part. Do not wait for the bereaved one to come to you. Do not simply say, " If there's anything I can do...." Find that "anything" yourself, and then take the appropriate initiative.

Question: Do we say Hearty Condolences or is it Heartfelt?


God forbid; people are needed to be around.....Ability lies in buiding relationship, comforting in the hour of need and being together and not in breaking; or creating problems at the time of crises. 

No matter how much we love another person, we cannot control his or her life, nor can we prevent "time and unforseen occurrence" from befalling those we love.  Nobody knows when the time to say Good Bye is!

It is important to be open and honest about your feelings. But there is no need to blame others for your anger and frustration. So be mindful of talking out your feelings, but not in a hostile way. Do not hesitate to use the real words such as dead and death. Terms like Sleep, out for a long journey, etc. would confuse and create fear in the minds of children.

 Healing happens as you release the hurt. Be honest about your feelings, acknowledge them and then release them to the universe. You are supported in many ways.

One will need a lot of strength, patience and most important time  to moan and to accept the grief.

There have always been few trusted people around in the hour of need, irrespective of the distance, they reach us on time....Thanks to all relatives, friends, and colleagues for the support; thoughts, regrets and regards.  Incredible to find so many connect to the thoughts and feelings, at this juncture and be there around, irrespective of the distance and diseases.

The first one year is going to be unbearable, especially on the ocassion of events...

When your loved one; your companion die, and if you are unable to cope with it; by and large over time, pain turns into grief, grief turns into silence, and silence turns into lonesomeness, as vast and bottomless as the dark oceans..

If I am destined to live, little by little, I/one turns forty, fifty and sixty.....The universe is turning, constantly and relentlessly, and so are the earth and the moon,Even I/we Need to keep walking,


People always say that the worst thing which can happen is when a child dies before the parent does.

When a parent dies, no matter if too early or peaceful while at sleep, it is dramatic for the child, who carries so many memories and life experience through their parents with them. And basically, we are always children as long as our parents are alive.


 We cannot share any moment with the person we have lost – only memories; and I belive this is apt for my father: