Lady you are not a man - Apurva Purohit

This needs a separate mention by itself.

Today’s woman wants to make a success of both family and career and is unwilling to compromise on either. But the burden of coping with deadlines, recalcitrant children, lazy husbands, difficult bosses and equally difficult in-laws can be daunting, even overwhelming.



In this book, Apurva Purohit, then CEO of Radio City 91.1 FM, now president of Jagran group, shows how women can accept, adapt and achieve their way to the highest rung in every arena. Through real-life stories and funny anecdotes, she provides pithy tips on a multitude of topics: from training husbands to training interns, from the right attitude to getting it right with kids, from dealing with household crises to office emergencies, from building a reputation to paving ones’s way to the top.



I } Before any great achievement comes the ACCEPTANCE of your particular reality-and then you learn to adapt to it, to use it to excel and fly.



The ten lessons of ACCEPTANCE:



1. I accept my femininity: We don’t have to apologize for being women; we must accept all our feminine traits unreservedly. Thankfully, there is no longer any need to behave and look like a man to succeed.

2. I accept that I will feel guilty: Every woman has the right to choose to be either a working mom or a stay-at-home mom or not a mom at all. However, in all cases, there will be some guilt attached. We have to accept that guilt comes along as part of the territory of being a woman.

3. I accept that life is unfair- not only to women but to men too: While it may seem that life has been unjust largely to women, the fact is that men too have many challenges they face, including having to live up to the stereotype of being the main provider of the family.

4. I accept that I can multitask and thus will end up doing more work: Multitasking is a unique skill which only women appear to have; we should accept it as our strength and not as a burden, and use it to the fullest capacity to move ahead in the race.

5. I accept that being a masochistic sufferer is simply not cool: In today’s day and age, suffering is no longer seen as noble but downright impractical and foolish. So let us stop playing the martyr’s role.

6. I accept that I have to wait patiently to take over the world: Traditional stereotypes are slowly blurring and both genders are borrowing characteristics from each another. Men will have to morph into women if they want to survive in the new world; we simply need to be patient.

7. I accept that men can’t bear children: There comes a time in most women’s lives when we will have to take a break from our careers to go through the process of childbearing. We need to take it in our stride and not resent our partners for not being able to play an equal role in the process.

8. I accept that I will improve with age: As women grow older, we become more confident. It is then the best time for us to mazimise our potential and do what we couldn’t do when we were younger- whether it is to learn pottery or start a new business.

9. I accept that everyone need not be size zero: Women need to love themselves just the way they are. Each of us has a unique personality which should form the basis of our individual self-worth.

10. I accept that I can be my own worst enemy: ‘ Women are nasty to other women’ is a myth we all need to debunk and accept the fact that many times we ourselves are the cause of our own problem.



II} ADAPT yourself to your reality – and then you will be able to mould reality to what you want.



The ten lessons of adapting:

1. I will approach life with a positive mindset: When I strive towards achieving success, I realize that having a positive attitude is the first step. I will win the battle in my mind first.

2. I will always work hard: I realize that running away from hard work in running away from success. The single most important driver of success in life is perseverance, and women who have triumphed have done so only because they simply didn’t give up.

3. I will learn to focus on the essential things and sacrifice the unimportant: Being able to prioritize what is important and what is not is a key skill for success. We don’t need to be perfect; it is better to be outstandingly great at the specific areas we have chosen to focus on.

4. I will ask for help in order to have a successful career and home life: We need to create support systems around ourselves at home and at work, by asking for help, and we should not worry about the loss of control it may entail.

5. I will not take advantage of the special privileges I get for being women: It is critical that we don’t take undue advantage of the privileges awarded to us and deliver value back to our organizations. We need to behave with responsibility, especially in the interest of the future generations of women who will come after us.

6. I will have to train my husband to be a part of my support system: A supportive spouse is a fundamental requirement if we want to make a success of our professional and personal lives. Unfortunately, readymade helpful husbands are in short supply and need to be trained.

7. I do not need to be the boss in every situation: Certain situations expect us to take charge and certain situations require us to give up control. We need to adapt and change according to the circumstances.

8. I will be a team player in my family: It is important to think of the family as a composite whole and therefore when there comes a time in our life where a decision has to be made which requires compromise, it is crucial to go for the one which maximises the entire family’s interest.

9. I will build relationships beyond work and use the power of networking: A lack of networking at the professional level is being seen as one of the critical factors by women themselves in their failure to move ahead in the corporate race. It is important that we make time to build these formal or informal networks.

10. I will take control of my own destiny: The difference between women who are successful and happy and those who are not is not in their special circumstances but in their ability to take control of any circumstance and make it special.



III} The final stage. A sense of accomplishment-hard won, but oh so sweet!

1. As I step on the ladder of success, I will always remember how lucky I am: Very few women in the world have received the benefit of an education and the opportunity of using that education to gain financial independence. Let us continually remember how fortunate we are.

2. I will assert that I am an individual: It is important to deal with and debunk the stereotyping of being thought of only in context of the males in our family, as wife/mother/daughter. We must make sure that people recognize us as separate and equally important entities.

3. I will not walk away ahead of schedule: Women start preparing for marriage and motherhood for earlier than they need to and, in the process, the period when they step back from their careers grows unnecessarily long, compromising their growth. We must avoid this.

4. As a boss, I will recognize that I have to treat my male subordinates differently: Male and female subordinates have different buttons, and need to be handled differently. We must keep this in mind and work accordingly for the success of our projects.

5. I am proud to be successful, smart and single: Successful single women are a critical demonstration of the freedome women have achieved in taking control of their own destinies. The sisterhood salutes them.

6. I will not let stone age men or zealots affect me: Regressive men and overzealous feminists are polarized ends of a spectrum and can affect women negatively. Always remain a liberal thinker on the climb to the top.

7. I do not want the crutch of reservation to succeed: Reservations tend to be mere tokenism and can actually harm the cause of women in the long run by promoting mediocrity. We should compete on a level playing field and not depend on reservations to succeed.

8. I will pay my dues to the next generation of women by mentoring the younger men around me: An important responsibility of being a woman achiever is mentoring the next generation of men so that they grow up to respect and treat women as equals.

9. As I whizz up the steps of success, I will always remember that building up a good reputation is more important than building a good CV: A good reputation cannot be created in a day. It is built over millions of moments of being diligent, sincere, hardworking and ethical.

10. I will celebrate my success openly and without embarrassment: It is important to recognize our achievements and celebrate them. Let us learn something from men for a change and praise ourselves whenever we need to.