Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus - John Gray

This book written by John Gray, made me think of the dialogue in Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna; relationship books are written by those who have had failed relationship. Gray married self-help author Barbara De Angelis and they divorced in 1984, after which he re-evaluated his ideas about relationships. Gray married his second wife, Bonnie, in 1986.

· When Men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom. Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences. Love actually has nothing to do with talking — it is all about showing. If both parties can understand that the other partner simply has a different interpretation of what it means to show and give love, they can move forward. There is a big emphasis placed on love — after all it is a relationship advice book. (Well there you can refer another book - 5 LOVE LANGUAGES by Gary Chapman say they are – Words of affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical touch)

This book unfolds new secrets for creating loving and lasting relationships as good intentions are not enough.

Values of Men and Women are inherently different. Men mistakenly offer solutions and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction.
The way both cope with stress are different. While Martians tend to pull away and silently think about what’s bothering them, Venusians feel an instinctive need to talk about what’s bothering them.
What motivates both are different. Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished.
The language they speak differ so the reasons for them to stop speaking.
Both have different needs for intimacy. Men automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy. Women should not demand that man talk, but ask that he truly listen to her.
Women have sudden shifts of feelings. Their loving attitude rise and fall rhythmically in a wave motion.
Each give the kind of love they need and not what the other want. Men need trusting, accepting and appreciative love, while women need caring, understanding and respectful love.
Avoid painful arguments. By acting as always right, men will invalidate a woman’s feeling, Individuals often taken one of the 4 F’s as their stances to avoid getting hurt – viz. fight, flight, fake or fold. Don’t do any of the four. Argument arise when women disapprove men’s point of view or the way he is talking to her.
Each keep score differently. – Little things can make a women happy, Man needs appreciation and encouragement to continue giving. When a man is in a negative state treat him like a passing tornado and lie low. Men need love when he has made a mistake, feels embarrassed, sorry or ashamed.
Communicating during difficult times too is tricky and different. Writing out is good.
Asking for Support Venusians have difficulty and Martians commonly resist them.
Four seasons of love. Spring – when everything seems perfect, Summer when frustration and disappointment arise, Tend the garden in summer, there would be rich and fulfilling autumn, Winter is the time when men hibernate in their caves and women sink to the bottom of their wells. Love is seasonal.


The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him, but trust, accept, appreciate, admire, approve and encourage him.

Use words like:

It’s not your fault
OMG what adventure you are having, how are you going to solve it?
Be loving and forgiving and not attacking.
Page 89 say, A man often blames a woman for being blaming when she is innocently talking about her problem. This is very destructive to the relationship because it blocks communication.

When Misunderstandings arise, we speak different languages, take time to translate and understand, what is actually meant and said. Learn to listen without getting angry.

There is one big similarity between men and women in relationships—showing understanding is key. In relationships, men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.

Men and women are different. They are different physically, biologically, emotionally, almost in every way. Yet, the reason so many of these relationships can work out in the end is because these differences provide a balance. You just need to find that balance. At times it could be untrue that men and women think about their relationships in qualitatively different ways, but this book do give some food for thought.