Building Self-Confidence

Confidence is crucial to personal and professional success. People who aren't confident tend to miss out on new challenges, relationships, and opportunities. The good news is self-confidence is self-perpetuating; once you develop it, confidence can buy you from one situation to the next. In this course, author and educator Dr. Todd Dewett shares simple and practical techniques to build and maintain self-confidence. He teaches you how to own the situation, embrace your imperfections, and take action to move forward. Then he covers how to sustain your confidence, interaction after interaction, by aligning with the right people, maintaining a positive perspective, and putting together a plan.

Build confidence

- Here's a question. What do you do with a valuable asset, like a home or a car? You protect it and invest in it when needed, right? Self-confidence is one of your most precious assets, so you have to protect it and invest in it correctly. This course will help you do exactly that. You'll learn to own your situation, embrace your imperfections, define a new path forward, and you'll learn how to embrace positivity. All of that means stronger self-confidence.

Own the situation
- The first step towards improving how you handle self-confidence involves learning to own the situation. This just means you'll strive to understand and except the fact that ultimately you are responsible for how you feel about yourself. Sometimes a similar reaction happens but in the opposite direction. You find yourself questioning your abilities, but instead of feeling self-pity or some other negative thought about yourself, you look at others. Maybe you decide you feel this way only because of your abrasive colleague, or that completely unreasonable boss, or maybe that client who is never happy. That's called blame, and blaming never solves anything. It does, however, give you an excuse to not fully own your contribution to how you feel, so be careful. All right, to own your situation means that you must embrace a policy of personal responsibility. Know that you are driving progress in your life. This approach ensures that you are your biggest advocate for change and improvement, and that your growth isn't really dependent on others. Excepting this idea seriously increases your odds of maintaining strong self-confidence over time. However, I do want to remind you to be careful. Taking ownership and being responsible does not mean that you should blame yourself or be overly critical of yourself. No self-pity allowed. When your self-confidence takes a hit, never begin by thinking that you are the one and only reason for what happened. Remember, that every outcome is the result of multiple factors, you're only one. Besides, if you overindulge in negative thoughts about yourself, it becomes easier to make the same choice in the future. Okay, you've accepted responsibility, and I do know that can feel like a burden sometimes. So, I want you to do two quick things. The first is to acknowledge your self-worth. You are valuable, you're a unique person with a lot to offer given all of your experience, education, and training. You work hard, you're creative, you're a good colleague, and you've had a few recent wins at work. It only takes a couple of minutes to remind yourself that no matter how the current situation feels, you are a highly value-added person who will bounce back. Second, you must commit to getting stronger. I don't want you to believe in personal responsibility without also spending some time thinking about how you will work to maintain a healthy level of self-confidence. This means a focus on the behaviors that will help you achieve this goal. Every great goal needs a clear plan, so now it's time to start working on yours. There you have it. Stop looking elsewhere so you can look right in the mirror at yourself. When you really own how you feel, remember your self-worth and commit to getting better. Well, that's when you're ready to start building more self-confidence.

Embrace the imperfection
- All human beings are deeply imperfect and yet most of us spend a lot of energy denying it. I understand. We don't wish to be defined by failure or to have people think about our imperfections. True, but carving out time to think about this reality, and how to use it, is actually essential for strong self-confidence. There are a few things that make all of us human. We all breathe, we eat, we grow mentally and physically and yes, along the journey we all experience challenging learning moments. It's expected. I mean, sure when a mistake happens it hurts for a while, but don't forget that this has been experienced by literally everyone around you. Step one is to be honest about your imperfection. I know you've worked hard. I appreciate all of your degrees, promotions and accolades, but accomplishing all of those things wasn't easy, wasn't it? Of course not. Along the way you made a few mistakes and experienced one or more failures. That's normal. So next it's time to realize that mistakes are a potent fuel that drives your learning and growth. Any form of mistake or failure is really just a type of feedback pointing you in a more productive direction, if you're paying attention. The process goes like this: You create an error or some type of setback, you then experience negative feelings, this is followed by critical feedback, whether that's from an upset client or your boss, and this, of course, creates even more negative feelings. Predictably, self-confidence sinks. Okay, now what? It's time to make a choice. You can put this incident in the back of your mind and ignore it or you can make the choice to allow this incident to become a genuine learning moment. However, do keep things in perspective. Some skills matter more than others, so when you make a mistake, whether that has to do with your understanding of a particular software program or maybe presentation skills, who knows, you should try to make amends. But then you have to ask yourself these questions. In general, how important is this skill for professionals? More specifically, will this skill be important for your career in the next few years? Finally, is there anyone on the team who's better suited to handle this issue because of their skill set? If the issue is important and you personally will be required to master this skill, well, it's time to start thinking about the right educational activities. If however, the skill is of minor importance and you really don't expect to rely on it, well, then there's no need for a plan. Just move forward and use your limited skill building time on areas that really matter. Sometimes being face-to-face with our imperfections hurts self-confidence, but now you know they can actually become catalysts for stronger self-confidence. So the next time things don't go quite right choose to smile and start thinking about what you can learn that will help you next time.

Articulate a path forward
- When you find yourself not feeling confident, don't wait long before you choose to do something about it. First, give yourself a deadline, a time when you will stop accepting your current level of self-confidence and begin working on ways to improve the situation. Think in terms of hours or days, not weeks or months. Second, you have to make a plan. Let me share a simple structure that will be helpful. It's all about goals. Goals work because they direct and focus your attention on outcomes that you value. If you want to think about building self-confidence, let's think about levels of goals. You want to get back in the business of achievement, but you need an approach that works for someone who's struggling with self-confidence. So let's start small. First, consider a classic small win. A small win is an easily-definable task to be completed that you don't expect to be particularly difficult. This is the equivalent of getting back on your bike after falling off. It's a small step that puts you firmly back on a path towards being productive and feeling more self-confident. It could be as simple as a goal to end the weekly management meeting on time for once, or maybe you need to reconnect with someone in your network. Just remember, defined, simple, reachable. That's a solid short-term win. After a few small wins, you'll be ready for the smart goal. As most of you already know, that stands for specific, measurable, aligned, reachable, and time-bound. If you're not familiar with the idea, you can spend just a few minutes on the internet to find plenty of quality descriptions, but the point here is that we're getting larger in size and you're working on them over the course of many months, or maybe a year or more. But we're not quite done. After a few small wins and a good smart goal or two, then it's time to remember the biggest goals. Some people call them BHAGs, or big hairy audacious goals. But to keep it simple, I'll just say, don't forget to dream. When confidence takes a hit, we can become too worried and too risk-averse. Those big long-term goals can feel daunting, and somehow outside of our reach. But they're not. So dream, dreams tap our imagination and help us feel purpose. Listen, no matter why it is that you find yourself questioning your confidence, you can take steps to improve how you feel. Start right now. Admit you need a plan. Grab a small win, define a few smart goals and don't forget to take time on occasion to dream. That's a productive path forward that's very likely to boost self-confidence.

Manage your context
- Understanding self-confidence requires you to think about how you interact with your environment every day. Think about your major social interactions at work. The truth is that you bring as much positive mental energy to the office as you can, but then during the day, some people improve how you feel, and well, others don't, so let's think about how people affect you. Here's what I want you to do. Make a list of the people you see the most, regularly, every week. Now, split that group into two by creating a net positive group and a net negative group. The positive list is full of people who tend to be congenial and helpful, while the other list is populated by people who cause you excessive stress due to negative chemistry or behaviors. Now, I'm not naive, I know you can't completely control who you see and when, however, when you scrutinize your work, the meetings and all the other interactions, you're likely to find opportunities to increase the time you spend with the positive folks and decrease how much you give to the more negative people. Remember that how you feel is an asset, so you have to learn to protect it. Next, think about using your time more strategically. Again, just to keep this simple, think about your most important tasks every week, the tasks and projects that are vital to the team or viewed as important by your boss or clients. Then you have the easy stuff, the boring data manipulation, the paperwork, the drudgery. Turns out, people often take refuge in the smaller, easier tasks because they're easy and they won't cause a headache. Unfortunately, that typically means you get behind on the work that matters. Here's what you do. Always start the day with meaningful work, not the easy stuff. Real progress first, easy tasks later. And then, for at least one week, I want you to keep track of how much time you spend on really meaningful work versus easier, more routine aspects of the job. A strong majority of your time should be spent on things that matter. Just becoming aware of how you allocate your time will help you shift in a productive direction. Okay, the last tip I have for you is to invest in how you present yourself. There's a connection between our self-confidence and our daily attire and grooming. There is no perfect solution here, but generally, people feel better when they invest time to look better, however they might define that. For one person that might be shaving and wearing a tie, and for someone else, maybe it's a new hairstyle or an amazing pair of shoes. The connection is real, so take a minute and think about how you want to look. Ready to get started? Alright, name the one person with whom you should interact with less next week, and the one task that's taking up too much of your time. Start planning now to address these issues. Soon enough, you'll have optimized the context around you, making it easier to build and maintain self-confidence.

Feed your positivity
- Being positive is hugely important. When you feel positive, everything else somehow seems easier and more manageable. As your belief in your ability grows, so does your self-confidence. So your goal is to be thoughtful about how you intentionally feed your positivity. One classic and very effective practice is visualizing your achievement. For any professional, this is a behavior you should engage every day for just a moment or two. Find a quiet place and then identify one or two goals, things you begun but not yet completed. Now imagine yourself getting to the finish line. See it as if you're watching a movie. Wrapping up the final details, turning in the work, or nailing the presentation. Imagine that smile on your supervisor's face. See yourself looking and feeling great. Now that's definitely worth 30 seconds of your time every day. Another great tip involves how you choose to think and talk to yourself when your self-confidence feels threatened. When one of those moments arrives, I want you to be ready. Here's a quick checklist to keep you thinking positive. The first step is to recognize what it is you're feeling and thinking. Admit it, your confidence is shaken, it happens. Next, remind yourself that this feeling is temporary, it'll pass. Then, clearly state that whatever it is that made you feel this way does not define you. Now, continue by reciting a few of your recent highlights, the wins, the happy customers, the promotions, and so on. This is good evidence that you clearly add a lot of value. Run through that script once or twice, and your self-confidence will swing back in a positive direction. One of my favorite positivity tips is to connect with someone who lifts your spirits. We all know this person. They might be someone you admire, someone who makes you laugh, or a kind voice who is always uplifting. Call them and check in for a few minutes. You're not looking for counseling, just a fun, lighthearted exchange. You see, when you proactively connect with this type of person, tension quickly fades away. They help you remember to seek and embrace positivity, and your self-confidence gets an instant boost because this person so clearly believes in you. So take time to connect. One last thought, as you begin to recover from a moment that shakes your self-confidence, remember the need to celebrate. Successful actions that move you away from a negative space should be celebrated. Maybe it's just a small internal congratulations you offer yourself, or possibly a coffee drink from your favorite cafe. Keep it small, but do it. Each time you take steps past a mental impasse towards a healthy mindset, that next small win or that next big goal, that's something worth celebrating. Follow these tips and you're likely to stay positive. And you can start right now. Can you name one clear way you will boost your positivity in the next few days? Sure you can, and now you're on your way.

Put together your plan
- Okay, so we've set the stage for building your confidence and offered tools for you to use, but how do you bring the new, confident you into the world? I want you to do three things. First, you need a small win. What one thing can you start doing now that will boost your self-confidence? It might be choosing to attend a particular meeting at work, or choosing to not attend. Or it could be as simple as reaching out to bring someone amazing back into your life. Nail one small win to help you light that fire for improvement. Next, I want you to talk to your mentor. If you don't have one, you should make it a priority. I want you to confess to them that you struggle with this issue. Explain why to the extent that you're clear about how you're feeling and ask for their thoughts. Then, be quiet and listen. Many times, even with sensitive issues like self-confidence, their wisdom might save you a lot of time. Finally, consider adopting one small new behavior to reinforce your new path. It's like a symbol for letting go of the past. Who knows? Maybe you'll finally switch from your day planner to a digital calendar. Well, then tossing that old thing in the trash can symbolize that the past is gone. Another great example is changing your work routine. Routines eventually become ruts. So one nice symbolic way to embrace a new path is to change your routine. For example, you will no longer eat lunch at the same time every day in the same place with the same people. It's time to mix it up. In the end, while it's true that self-confidence is somewhat driven by your personality, it's vital to remember that it can also be viewed as a skill. Give this advice a chance and start building that skill today. Good luck.