Emotional Skills of Managers

 Emotional intelligence is an essential management skill.By managing your own emotions and by maintaining an emotional balance, you learn to manage situations objectively and clearly.

In this module you will:

• Understand how emotions work
• Recognize and manage your own emotions as a manager
• Manage emotionally charged situations

Understand how emotions work:

Emotions seems to be banned at workplace, though it is everpresent.

We have feelings about people, how do they work?

• The 4 basic emotions
• Fear - Obstacle
• Anger - Danger of Threat
• Sorrow - Loss
• Joy - Desire
• Spin offs of these are
• Agitation
• Irritation
• Hopelessness
• Warmth
• Jealousy
• Anguish
• Distress
• Expressing emotions
• The 3 elements of communication

If you acknowledge your emotions, you will most likely be able to satisfy your needs.

Accepting your feelings is important and beneficial. This can make you sensitive to the signs of emotional triggers and what requirements or actions need to be taken.

Only appropriate actions and responses to needs will lead to positive results.

To help you identify your feelings better, ask yourself these questions:

The 3 elements of communication

To understand the way emotions are expressed, Ian thinks about the different elements of communication. What do you think is the role of each of these 3 elements in the message communicated?

Non-verbal: General body posture, gestures, facial expressions - 55%

Para-verbal: Voice, tone, pace, flow - 38%

Verbal : Words used - 7%

By not expressing your emotions verbally, you increase the likelihood of them being expressed at other levels.

This will also tell the people around you that emotions are taboo to you and are forbidden. This will prevent you from gaining access to a great deal of information required by Management.

Welcome and accept your feelings and get them to work for you.

Emotions are neither good nor bad - they are just emotions

The 4 basic emotions (fear, anger, sorrow, joy) and their spin-offs have a trigger and reveal a need to be satisfied

By identifying your emotions, you can take the actions required to satisfy your needs. Your refusal to recognize them means that your needs are not met and this generates frustration

Although emotions may not be expressed verbally, they will transpire in your behavior and be detected by your co-workers who will receive inconsistent information, i.e. distortion between what is felt, thought and said

Does the situation correspond to a success, danger, loss or dissatisfaction?

What is the corresponding emotion?

What is the appropriate response?

Recognize and manage your own emotions as manager

• Avoid pent-up emotions
• Avoid associated emotions
• Manage your own feelings

A self-assessment will enable you to review your reactions.

The characteristic features of “repressed” emotions are:

• It's a sign of weakness to show one's emotions.
• I don't like it when others show their feelings.
• I keep my feelings to myself. It's true that sometimes I am under tremendous pressure and I feel like exploding and saying what I really think.
• People say I master my emotions. I like that, but at the same time I don't get to share and bond with others.

Avoiding pent-up emotions 

• It's a sign of weakness to show one's emotions.
• I don't like it when others show their feelings.
• I keep my feelings to myself. It's true that sometimes I am under tremendous pressure and I feel like exploding and saying what I really think.
• People say I master my emotions. I like that, but at the same time I don't get to share and bond with others.

Effects of pent-up emotions

• Resentment, bitterness
• Personal suffering
• Loss of confidence and self-respect
• Few constructive relationships

Avoiding associated emotions

• I live my emotions intensely and I am ardent about expressing them. 
• Sometimes, I can't control myself. I just have to let it all come out.
• People say I'm hot-headed.
• I feel like I'm always in a "state of emergency".

Effects of associated emotions

• Waste of energy
• Apparent effectiveness
• Loss of control
• Violent verbal escalation

Avoiding associated emotions as manager, it is counterproductive to manage your emotions badly.

For the manager:

when emotions are not managed, this generates defensive or rigid behavior, e.g. autocratic, over-controlling, laissez-faire or paternalistic behavior.

For co-workers:

when the manager's emotions are not managed, this is counterproductive and generates demotivation, fear of risk-taking, inhibition and stress.

Managing your own feelings

• Pent-up emotions
• Associated emotions
• Managed emotions

Well managed emotions are about:

• Being truthful, being yourself
• Being relaxed in tense situations
• Handling confrontations in a cooperative manner
• Stress limited to what is strictly necessary

Be careful not to bottle up or aggravate your emotions.

When the boss' emotions are not managed, this is counterproductive and generates demotivation, fear of risk-taking, inhibition and stress. To develop your emotional intelligence:

• Be aware of your feelings in all situations
• Be aware of your reactions
• Develop your capacity to manage emotions by accepting them

If I don't manage my emotions, my emotions will manage me.

Manage emotionally charged situations

Expressing your own emotions positively

The OFNR method originates from Marshall B. Rosenberg's concept of Nonviolent Communication. It is useful for anyone who wants to improve their relationships with others or attain greater self-understanding. To express your emotions use this 4-step method.

• Observation  - Observe the actual behavior that is affecting you and describe the facts, e.g. "When I see..."
• Feeling  - Express your Feelings on this behavior, e.g. "I feel..."
• Need - Be aware of and express your Needs, e.g. "Because I need..."
• Request -Request for a specific change in behavior so as to restore the feeling of well-being, e.g. "I would like you to..."

By following the OFNR model, you learn to:

Express and share your feelings by giving information and feedback to the other person

Express and share your needs by explicitly requesting what you need

Help your co-workers to express their feelings and needs

To express your feelings, use the Non-violent Communication OFNR model:

• Observation of the situation
• Expression of Feelings
• Expression of Needs
• Specific Request

These 4 steps help you to:

• Express your feelings in a focused manner
• Formulate your request in such a way as to satisfy your needs

To manage your emotions, you should learn to:

• Recognize your feelings
• Express them appropriately

By not verbalizing your feelings, you slow down the development of positive relationships.

Your unmanaged emotions prevent your co-workers from letting you know how they really feel.

It's up to you to develop relationships of greater openness with your co-workers and to establish trust within your team to become more effective.

Put these into practice.