Happiness @ Post Pandemic Graduate

HOW TO BE HAPPY 

Happiness is both a journey and a destination. Remember, no one wakes up in the morning thinking, "May I suffer the whole day?"  Whatever you do, wherever you study or work, the underlying desire of every individual is to be happy: happy at college, happy at home, happy generally. Our respective profession be it medicine, engineering, journalism, whatever, is only a road where the ultimate destination is happiness. 

In my generation, the goal was to go to the IIM. We told ourselves that if we get there, we will become big shots in corporate India, earn lots, marry the best girl, have a high social standing, etc. We never realized that getting into the IIM was just a first step. Once in, you have lots of other issues: grades, competitions, placements, Moorish professors, etc.

Some may say, "If only I had a better boss, life wouldn't be difficult." Or if only I went on that vacation in Zurich, life would be fantastic. 

I tell people that if you get into this idea of 'if this is done, then that will happen, then you are on the wrong path. It’s my rule one, “Don’t get into the IF-THEN model. We need to accept the world as it is.” This is not to say that we should not be aspirational; yes we must have goals and be ambitious, but I don't think we should set out to change the world. Change yourself. 

Let’s move to our second rule; the spaghetti sauce model. In the 1980s the Campbell Soup Company made Prego, which along with a competing product Ragu were top spaghetti (pasta) sauces. While Ragu was the front runner, Prego was a fantastic sauce. It had tardiness: if you poured Prego on to spaghetti, it would stay there. Whereas Ragu flows out. And taste-wise also, many people felt Prego tasted better. Notwithstanding these Prego was only a challenger, not the market leader. 

It hired a man called Howard Moskowitz and sought his advice. Moskowitz made 45 different variations of the sauce: based on sweetness, tartness, sourness, visible solid etc.,. He then got loads of people to a town hall and gave each of them 10 small bowls of soup. They were to rate the 10 bowls on a scale of one to 10. 

Six months later, he had a mountain of data. He broke them into three groups and said, "Americans like sauce, which is plain; some like that which is spicy; and there are some who like sauce, which is extra chunky." The third finding was remarkable because no mall in the US at that particular point in time sold heavily extra chunky sauce. So, Prego asked Moskowitz, are "you trying to say that we in the sauce industry are not producing a product, which 33% of America likes?" And Moskowitz said, "yes." 

Prego went back to the drawing board, decided to make an extra chunky sauce, marketed, and then the next 10 years, made some $60 billion of money.

The moral of the story is  simple. Happiness lies in embracing diversity. It not about I have a car, I want a better car, I want the best car, I want a still better car.  We must realize that different things bring happiness to different people. What brings joy to me does not bring happiness to you. In fact, in medicine, people say that there is no such thing as cancer. Your cancer is different from my cancer is different from her cancer because people have different versions of cancer. Also for the same person, many things may bring happiness: winning in matches, scoring high grades, getting into a great summer placement, etc. 

We move to our model: the tyranny of choice. I love jeans. The great thing about it is that you never have to wash. You can wear them for three years and then burn them! Some four years back, I wanted to buy another pair of jeans, so I went to a mall, and told the guy, "I want jeans. My waist size is XX." 

“Sir, do you want a slim fit, or easy fit, or relaxed fit?”

I didn't understand anything. You see, in our times, you walked into a shop, gave your waist size, and presto they would give us a jean pant. 

The guy said, “No Sir. It isn’t like that. You will have to tell me which.” 

“Get me an easy fit.”

“You want zipper fly or button fly?”

It took me a moment to realize what a zipper fly was, and I ordered, “zipper fly.” 

My Math mind worked. I now realized I had 3x2, six combinations. 

The man was not finished with his questions. “Do you want it stone-washed or acid-washed? “

“Acid-washed,” I said, without much thought. Already there were 12 combinations.

Then he came with the final one. "Do you want it bottom cut or bottom tapered?" 

I was tired and told, “anything will do so long as you have my waist size!”

When I walked out of the mall, I'm sure the jeans I bought was better than how the one I bought years ago. But after walking 100 feet, I wondered, "Hey, if I had not bought acid-washed but chosen stone-washed, would it not have been better?” And then, after walking another 100 feet, I thought, “Oh, why did I buy bottom cut? Bottom tapered would have been better!” 

Now in my earlier way of buying, if my mother said the jeans of yours is looking bad, I could tell her, "This is the only type available." The choice was not mine. Today, if the jeans are not good, the problem is on me. 

So, I have always believed that the lesser the choice is actually, the better. If you endlessly look at options, you run into trouble. When your ‘jeans’ is bad, the world is at fault. When there are 100s of choices and you make one and it fails, you have no excuse for failure because you are responsible. And therein lies regret, opportunity cost, escalation of expectations and self-blame.

The moral: reduce your choices, and the secret of happiness lies in low expectation. 

To summarize: The objective of life is to be happy. Everything else flows from there. The three rules of happiness are: (a) Accept things as they are. (b) Enhance diversity and © Have less choice and lowered expectations. 

6 F OF HAPPINESS

Fame:  Fame brings you happiness. Make no mistake about it. 

Fortune: Some people say money does not bring happiness. I won't agree with that. If you have money, it's good. With it, many things can be taken care of.

Family: If you have a sound support system, you will be happy. 

Friends: If you build three good friends, whom I can call and speak at three o'clock in the night and sob over your problem, then your life is well lived. 

Fitness: We are going to live longer, thanks to science. Lot many people are going to live well into their 90s. So, you will have to be fit. 

Future: Suppose you think you have a bright future, have a good education, and constantly rescale yourself. In that case, you will be happy—Denmark, the happiest country globally, names two reasons for happiness: fitness and education. 

HOW TO KEEP YOURSELF HAPPY : TEN IDEAS 

Learn what gives you happiness.  A number of small things can create a large impact on your life, health, and happiness. Here are a few that psychologists suggest.

1. Be grateful: Before going to bed, write 3 to 5 things that you felt grateful for that day. 

2. Give back: Give 10% of your income to charity. 

3. Foster relationships: You are your happiest when your loved ones surround you. Make the time to build and sustain strong relationships.  

4. Me time: Step back and take some time for yourself in order to cultivate self-care. 

5. Volunteer time: When you give your time, your focus shifts from your life to that of others.

6. Exercise and Eat: When you take time out for exercise, you’re doing your body well. By eating healthier food, you’ll feel more vibrant and energetic. 

7. Avoid regrets: Laugh everyday. Regrets are an appalling waste of time. Let the past bury the dead.

8. Meditate: Make time to be still. If your life is a mad dash from one thing to the next, happiness will have a hard time catching up to you. Slow down, and reflect. Do some deep breathing for 10 minutes. 

9. Stay positive: A big chunk of your happiness comes from how you choose to see the world.  Ignore noise in social media.

10. Experience things: the first love, the first kiss, the first baby, etc., these are memories that would last a lifetime. Experience them. 

FINDING YOUR PURPOSE

From our childhood, we are programmed by the expectations of our parents, family, and society.  These expectations lead us to take a  path which may not find comfortable.  Often, parents want us to play safely in life. They don't want us to fail and fall. Of course, they want the best for their children, but their expectations may not be the purpose of our life. By mechanically following those expectations, we will be playing someone else's game. 

Each of us is born for a purpose, and you must find out that purpose for you.  We exist in this world for a defined period, and during this time, we do many things. Some are important, and others unimportant. Those essential things give meaning to our lives and provide us with happiness, while the unimportant ones just kill our good time.

We will have to discover the real purpose in our life. Whether it be becoming a businessman, spending your life on a social cause, or working for a leading company. Are you driven by money or a purpose? Most of today's youth wants to make a meaningful impact on the world. Read books, network with like-minded people, cultivate good hobbies and look at what people appreciate at you to identify the purpose for your life.  All you need to find out is what you love to do. Listen to your heart.