My Gita - Devdutt Pattanaik

Ramkrisna Paramhansa, said the essence of The Gita can be deciphered simply by reversing the syllables that constitute Gita. So Gita, or gi-ta becomes ta-gi or tyagi, which means ‘one who lets go of possession’.

Everyone has access to a slice (bhaga); the one who sees all slices of truth is bhaga-van. Limited truth is mithya. Limitless truth is satya. Satya is about including everything and being whole (purnam). The journey towards limitless truth expands our mind (brahmana).

There are many Gita’s – there is ‘The Gita’ in the Mahabharata and Other Gitas in our Puranas. 

To name some, there is the 

1. Vyadh Gita or the Butchers song, dealing with Dharma, Karma and Atma - In Book 3 on Vana Parva
2. The Bhagavad Gita or God's Gita, 
3. In Ashwmedika Parva, Book 14 of Mahbharata, Arjuna overhears Krishna present the very short Kama Gita to his eldest brother: *
4. When Arjun ask Krishna to repeat what he had said in the beginning of the war; when Krishan was about to leave to Dwaraka, Krishna repeats it which is 'Anu Gita' which is also part of Ashwmedika Parva, Book 14
5. In the Shanti Parva, Book 12, Bhishma reveals 9 Gita's to Pandavas; the Prostitute's song (Pingala Gita), the priest's song (Sampaka Gita), the farmer's song (Manki Gita), the ascetic's song (Bodhya Gita), the king's song ( Vichaknu Gita), the retired man's song (Harita Gita), the demon's song (Vritra Gita), the philosopher's song (Parasara Gita) and the swan's song (Hansa Gita). 
6. Outside the Mahabharat, there are the Ashtavakra Gita, Vasishtha Gita, Ram Gita, Shiva Gita, Devi Gita, Ganesha Gita and many more

*In Ashwmedika Parva, Book 14 of Mahbharata, Arjuna overhears Krishna present the very short Kama Gita to his eldest brother:

"He who seeks to destroy cravings with weapons ends up craving those very weapons. He who seeks to destroy cravings with charity ends up craving charity. He who seeks to destroy craving with charity ends up craving charity. He who seeks to destroy craving with scriptures ends up craving scriptures. He who seeks to destroy cravings with truth ends up craving truth. He who seeks to destroy craving with austerities end up craving austerities. He who seek to destroy craving with renunciation ends up craving renunciation. Caving cannot be destroyed, but it can be put to good use by locating it in dharma. So seek to destroy craving with the pursuit of dharma. You will end up craving dharma! And that will be good for the whole world, for then you will conduct more and more exchange, bring prosperity to the world, liberating yourself in the process from all obligations, enabling others to give without expectation. 

Gita reading took place in 5 waves over 1200 years.

1^st – Sanskrit commentaries by Vedic scholars – Adi Shankara , Ramanuja and Madhava Acharya

2^nd – Retelling in regional language

3^rd – Translation by Europeans

4^th – Retranslation by Indians

5^th – Reframing

It is in the second phase, that The Gita was personified as a goddess, and hymns were composed to meditate on her (Gita Dhyana) and her glory was celebrated (Gita Mahatmya). Gita Jayanti, the eleventh day of the waxing moon in the moon of Margashisha (December) was identified as the day wen Krishna revealed this wisdom to Arjuna and the world.

The Bhagavad Gita, of course remain the most widely read of the Gita. It is so popular that when someone say Gita, this is what w are reminded of. The BG has 700 verses in its final form split into 18 chapters, of which 574 are spoken by Krishna, 84 by Arjuna, 41 by Sanjaya and 1 by Dhritarashtra. It is a conversation though it does seem like a discourse, which takes place over 90 minutes while fully armed soldiers on either side wait impatiently to battle. Whether this event is a time-bound physical objective truth (history) or a timeless psychological subjective truth (mythology) remains a matter of opinion.

The Gita demonstrates many modern techniques of communication. First, Arjuna’s problem is presented (Chapter 1) and then Krishna’s solution (Chapter 2 to 18) is offered. Krishna begins by telling Arjuna what he will reveal (Chapter 2); he then elaborate on what he promised to tell (chapter 3 to 17) and finally, he repeats what he told (chapter 18). Krishna’s solution involves analysis (sankhya) and synthesis (yoga) – slicing the whole into parts and then binding the parts into a whole.

Chapter 1 gives the problem, Chapter 2 and 18 gives the summary with 2 to 18 containing the solutions.

Chapter 1 to 6 is Karma Yoga.

Chapter 7 to 12 is Bhakti Yoga and

Chapter 13 to 18 is Gyana Yoga.

The solution itself is comprehensive, involving the behavioural (karma yoga), the emotional (bhakti yoga) and the intellectual (gyana yoga). 

Bhagvad Gita is not liner it is scattered, but this book is:

1. ·       Thematic
2. ·       Subjective
3. ·       Not obsessed with Self

 

What I am is Jivatma, and What you are is Para-atma; together we can become Param-atma; what you and I and the whole world can become.

Human body is a city with 9 gates (nava-dvara-pura). So says Chapter 5, verse 13 of BG. Two eyes, two ear, two nostrils, one mouth, one anus and one genital. A relationship involves two bodies, two people, the self and the other, you and me, two cities – 18 gates in all. Gita has 18 sections, Mahabharata 18 books, war was fought over 18 days, the core teaching of ‘The BG’ has much to do with relationship. It serves the needs of the householder rather than the hermit.

Our relationship with the other, be it a thing or an organism, and the other relationship with u, is what determines our humanity. And this is a timeless (sanatana) truth (satya), a discovery of our ancestors. 

Few beautiful concepts described in the book are to have:

1. No Judgement by having Dharshan
2. Atma - Rebirth
3. Deha - experience life differently
4. Dehi - Seek meaning
5. Karma - You and I have to face consequence : E+R=O
6. Dharma - we can empathise - Reaisation
7. Yagna - We can exchange
8. Yoga - Introspection - Withdraw fear
9. Deva- Asura Trust
10. Bhagavan - Have potential
11. Expand Mind - Brahmana - Inclusive
12. Contracting the mind - Avatar - Accommodate
13. Tendency of matter - Guna - No control
14. Proprietorship - Kshetra - Value property
15. Meaurment - Maya - Compare
16. Attachment - Moha - Cling
17. Liberation - Moksha - Can be generous
18. Union - Brahma - Nirvana - Matter to each other

Dharma is more about empathy than ethics, about intent rather than outcome, I follow dharma when I am concerned about your material, emotion or intellectual hunger. I follow adharma when I focus on my hunger at the cost of yours.

Diversity and Dynamism:

Diversity - Varna: Brahmin, Kshatriya, Vaishya, Shudra

Dynamism:

    Ashrama: - Brahmacharya, Grihastha, Vanaprastha, Sanyasa

    Yuga - Krita, Treta, Dwapara, Kali

On Violence:

 

Different schools of Vedanta,

Four fold division of the world

Deha nd Prakriti

Architecture of My Gita

Chapter 13: Verses 24 nd 25 say "Arjuna, some discover the diving through meditation and introspection, other decipher it through logic and analysis, other experience it through activity, and still others are introduced to it by listening to others.  All are able to overcome the fear of mortality. 

In a wold without boundaries, there will always be another chance and then another chance. 

Pussy: A Reclamation : Regena Thomashauer (a.k.a. “Mama Gena”) - 24 of 2023

Regena Thomashauer (a.k.a. “Mama Gena”) is a revolution: an icon, teacher, author, mother, and founder and CEO of the School of Womanly Arts, which began in her living room in 1998 and has since grown into a global movement. She believes that women are the greatest untapped natural resource on the planet, and she teaches them to turn on their innate feminine power to create a life they love.

Thomashauer’s approach stems from decades of research in the social, cultural and economic history of women. She opens doors for women with her distinctive style, which is at once irreverent, unwavering, inspirational, and moving.

Let the truth of it sink into your body, right into your bone marrow. Let this book change your life.

It just may be the most pejorative word in the English language. It’s the ultimate salacious smack to a woman’s dignity, used to hurt, humiliate, and dehumanize. No one calls you a “pussy” when they want to tell you how radiant you look, how capably you work, or what an inspiring life you lead.

That’s about to change. In this remarkable book, Regena Thomashauer, founder of Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, reclaims the word for what it rightly is: the highest of all possible compliments, a sacred living prayer.

Pussy has been written to reacquaint you with your own power source —both figuratively and literally. Drawing on Mama Gena’s 25 years of research into women’s history, experience, and potential, you’ll ramp up your “cliteracy” and learn to awaken a part of yourself you’ve been taught to repress or even despise. You’ll see that pussy is anything but pornographic —it’s actually the seat of all feminine power and pleasure. And you’ll discover how a woman’s sensual awareness is critical for her spiritual, intellectual, and emotional health.

In these pages, Mama Gena reveals:

   • The secret ingredient every woman is missing

   • How to crack the confidence code

   • Why sex appeal is an inside job

   • What’s ahead on the next frontier of feminism —and how you can help make it happen

   • And much more

When you open this book, you’re being handed the keys to a turned-on life —which simply means authentic, radiant, and open to pleasure and joy. By turns earthy and erudite, passionately argued and laugh-out-loud funny, Pussy is your call to tune in, turn on, and live more richly and fully than you ever thought you could.

Keep in mind, the "self" in self-help. As is often said, "nothing changes until you do." Take the risk of changing your mind - how you think, how you make decisions, the way you interact with the world, your beliefs...take the risk of trying something different - the homework in the book, for example - and see what happens. You may very well be surprised.

I have a vision of a world in which every woman takes back her power, embodied her radiance, and erodes the heavy doses of sexual and personal shame that our patriarchal society inevitably forces down her throat (and into her pussy) just for being a woman. I want to see a world where that isn't the case. And while some feminists might be inclined to protest and march in order to accomplish that, I personally prefer Thomashauer's idea that the real revolution will come in the form of pleasure, of joy, of women just taking what's innately theirs -- the radiance, power, and self-love they've forgotten. When that happens, the world will have no choice but to give us what we desire.

Very grateful to Regena Thomashauer, Mama Gena for writing this book.

-----

Rufus Camphausen writes in 'The Yoni: Sacred Symbol of Female Creative Power', the Symbol of pussy was protective and healing, able to avert evil and give power. Pussy was the source. GPS - 

Rapture is the experience of divinity felt in the body, It brings:

Joy

Spark Joy by Marie Kondo - 23 of 2023

 Spark Joy - the question you ask when you touch or hold your possessions and determine whether you will keep them or not "Does this Spark Joy?" - and the rest flows from this.

An Illustrated Guide to the Japanese Art of Tidying.

Once you have your lovely possessions: the ones that warm you with happy memories, or just make you feel good, or make you feel safe, or make you feel whatever it is that is important to you... you store them in a way which also gives pleasure.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying, the most intriguing thing is the reference to folding. This book opens the drawer and the door on folding and organising your things.

It covers.

The six basic rule of tidying

Part I Covers the KonMari Master tips, which involve:

1. Honing Your sensitivity to joy.
2. How to fill you home with joy.
3. Everything you need to know about storing joyfully

Part 2: The tidying encyclopaedia

1. Tidying cloths
2. Tidying books
3. Tidying papers
4. Tidying Komono
5. Tidying sentimental items

Part 3: Life changing magic

1. A home that sparks joy.
2. The change that comes when you're done

Prepare for the next stage of your life. 

Life truly begin when you have put your house in order. 

The folding of your clothes and storing as much as possible vertically means that are visible and accessible. Every clothing item gets a chance to be worn when it's not hidden behind other things. Arranging clothing from dark to light, from long to short - patterns which delight the eye and soothe the mind. Adorning storage with things you love but can no longer wear. Using attractive storage rather than just any old thing.

The folding still takes a bit of time, but it's time well spent when I can grab something from the drawer or shelf and not have to rummage to find what I need. It also means that when it comes to holiday time, packing is brilliant - minimal effort to transfer items from bedroom to suitcase (I will also give a shout out to using packing cubes to ease the pain of packing - utterly brilliant).

So, if you have been reading up in the KonMari method, and wanted to see what the end result could look like, this is the book for you.

Things I wish I'd known Before We got married - Gary Chapman (22 of 2023)

 

Things I wish I'd  known Before We got married - Gary Chapman

Marriage between a man and a woman, is the foundation of all human societies. The reality is that when children become adults, most of them will get married. Almost all these couples anticipate "Living happily  ever after". No one gets married hoping to be miserable or to make their spouse miserable. Yet we all know that the highest percentage of divorces occur within the first seven years of marriage. 

How ironic is that we recognise the need for education in all other pursuits of life and fail to recognise the need when it comes to marriages. The decision to get married will impact ones life more deeply than almost any decision in life. Yet people continue to rush into marriage with little or no preparation for making a marriage successful. In fact, many couples give far more attention to making plan for the wedding than making plan for marriage.  

Marriage is a hardwork, you must make time to discover and practice thing needed to make it work, understand:

1. That Being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage - Love illusion -'Fall in love', when 'The Tingles' Strike. Those warm excited feelings, the sense of acceptance, are the cherry on top of the sundae. Being in love is an emotional and obsessive experience. 
2. The Romantic Love has two stages : First is the stage of euphoric feeling of 'being in love', with great energy and delighted to do things for one another. Second stage is much more intentional than the first stage. It requires work to keep emotional love alive, but rewards are astounding. Find your love language- the 5 are: Words of affirmations, Quality time, Act of service, Gifts or Touch. 
3. That the Sayings "Like Mother, Like Daughter" and "Like Father, Like Son" are not myths. We are all products of the environment. Our behaviours, communication patterns, courtesies etc. Together the tow of you need to ensure that those old sayings will not become a reality in your relationship. Make of list of the things both of you like and dislike of your parents and share. Use this list to discuss where you would want to be different and the steps you will take to do that. 
4. You can solve disagreements without arguing. We will have conflicts. It is not a sign that you have married to the wrong person. They simply affirm that your are human. Large or small all conflicts have the potential of destroying an evening, a week, a month or a lifetime. It also can teach us how to love, support and encourage each other. This is by far the better road to travel. The difference is in how you process the conflict. Have 'listening time' and not just 'talking time'. Create an atmosphere of friendship. Big word in finding a solution is 'compromise'. It is not only positive but necessary. It is finding a meeting place - giving up  something to have harmony, discovering 'our' way. Two individuals who choose to be friends will find that solution. You can find a middle meeting place, or meeting can be in your side, or meeting later. 
5. Apologizing is a sign of strength. Christian scriptures have a great to say about confession and repentance. What one person consider to be an apology, is not what other person would consider to be an apology. 5 apology languages are: - Expressing regret may or may not starting with 'I am sorry', accepting responsibility 'I was wrong', making restitution wanting to make it right, genuinely expressing the desire to change your behaviour 'Can you make me think what I can do to make sure that this doesn't happen gain? , requesting forgiveness. Apologize sincerely. 
6. Forgiveness is not a feeling . Irritations do not call for forgiveness they call for negotiation. So what does it mean to forgive?  When one of us offends the other, an emotional barrier is erected between the two of us. The passing of time will never remove the barrier. Barriers are removed by sincere apologies and genuine forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a decision. Decision to offer grace instead of demanding justice. Forgiveness removes the barrier and open the possibility for the relationship to grow. Understand that (1) Forgiveness does not destroy your memory, you cannot forget when you forgive, (2) forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrongdoing. (3) Forgiveness does not rebuild trust. Trust is the gut level confidence that someone is a person of integrity. (4) Forgiveness do not always result in reconciliation.  (5) You can confront lovingly. 
7. Toilets are not self-cleaning - There are responsibilities. Decide who does what? It is what sociologists call "marital roles". Confusion over roles is one of the most stressful aspects of contemporary marriage. Each of us have grown up in different models. Second influence upon your perception of marital roles is your own philosophy about maleness and femaleness.  Third what are each of you good at? We need not have same skill sets. Fourth is our likes and dislikes. Make a list of all things to be done at home, put initials beside them. Make a list of what responsibility your father and your mother took up in marriage. 
8. We need a plan for handling our money. Make it our money.  At the heart of marriage is the desire for unity. Agree of the percentage of income you will Save, Share, Spend. Avoid using credit cards. Consult each other on major purchases. Decide on book keeping and who will do that. 
9. Mutual Sexual fulfilment is not automatic. What men need is different from what women need. While men focus on intercourse, women focus on relationship. 2nd, to wife foreplay is more important than the actual act of intercourse itself. 3rd mutual sexual satisfaction does not require simultaneous climax. 4th when one forces a particular sexual act upon one's spouse, it ceases to be an act of love and becomes sexual abuse. True love is bringing pleasure to spouse. 5th sex is more than intercourse, it is a bonding experience. Union of male and female in the most intimate way. Union of body, soul and spirit. So intercourse is reserved for marriage by most faith. 6th Communication is the key that unlocks sexual fulfillment. Normally talk about sex is that of condemnation and rejection. They have focused more on telling than on listening. Do empathetic listening - i.e listening with a view to discovering what the other person is thinking and feeling. 7. Past never remain past. It is not easy to wipe the psychological slate clean. Marriage cries out for exclusive relationship. It is painful to know spouse has had sexually intimate relationship with others. 
10. We get married into a family. Life will be easier if you have a positive relationship with extended family. All come with unique thoughts, feelings and desires.5 key issues you could have are : 1) Holidays & festivals. 2) Traditions 3)  Learn to Listen. Be Empathetic. 4) Learn to Negotiate. It is enhanced when you make requests and not demands. 5) Learn their love language. 
11. Spirituality is not visiting holy places. Divergent spiritual view can create conflict. Issues that need to be looked at are: 1) What do you think about God. 2) Exploring the branches. 3) What kind within a specific branch. 4) 
12. Personality profoundly influences behaviour. We are all unique, but how unique? Characteristics that make unique is personality, and it profoundly affect marriage. 1) Eating habits, waking up timings, routine of the day; 2) half full or half empty - are you an optimist or pessimist; 3) Neatniks and slobs or even OCD's 4) Dead sea or Babbling brook. 5) Passives and aggressive. (Some people read history, others make it) 6) Professors or dances. Logical thinkers are professors for whom everything must be reasoned out. The intuitive person is dancer. 7) The organiser and the free spirit. The organiser will give attention to the details while the spontaneous person - the 'free spirit' - thinks that the details will take care of themselves. Fill out a personality profile before wedding, it will help. One profile is couple check up, measuring 20 different aspects of your relationship. It will help celebrate your strength, and identify areas that need growth. It is available at couplecheckup.com . There are separate ones for those dating, engaged and married. There is also an assessment tool called 'Prepare/Enrich'. This need to be administered, scored and interpreted by a counselor. 

Talking it over:

1. On a scale of 1-10 rate yourself on the following personality traits. 10 means extremely high and 1 means extremely low:

a. Optimistic

b. Pessimistic

c. Neat

d. Messy

e. Babbling Brook

f. Dead sea

g. Pointer

h. Painter

i. Aggressive

j. Passive

k. Logical

l. Intuitive

m. Organizer

n. Spontaneous.

2. Encourage your partner to take this up. Discuss your answers

Dating is important, get to know the intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, and physical foundations for marriage. It can be casual and committed.  Only then make the decision - to marry or not to. The personality differences can be easily observed in the dating relationship if the couple is looking for it. However most couples are not. 

In an effort to identify the various aspects of our humanity, we often use words as intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual and physical. Are we compactable in each of these areas? 

People do not get married planning to get divorce. Divorce is the result of lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as team mates in an intimate relationship. 

I prayed for - Jackson Kiddard

 I Prayed For:

Change - so I Changed my mind,

Guidence - and learned to trust myself,

Happiness - and realized I am not my ego,

Peace - and learned to accept others unconditionally ,

Abundance - and realized my doubt kept it out.

Wealth - and realized it is my health.

Miracle - and realized I am the miracle

Soul mate- and realized I am the one

Love- and realized it is always knocking, but I have to allow it in.

Malikapurram

 

An amazing story on the absolute connection between the 'jeevatma' and 'paramatma' is what 'Malikapurram' was for me. Loved the direction, casting, cinematography, songs and dance. A family movie for all, that by itself is it's greatness. There is story, sorrow, joy, action, song, dance, villain, hero and everything in between including endurance and eternal questions. How the movie answers the questions that come to the views mind as the film comes to the end is striking.  As Srinivasan said on the release of his movie 'Katha Parayumbol' it is the ending that makes the lasting impression of the movie and it's true here. Could connect to the movie at various levels. 

The conclusion ' Edu Tatvam alla, Tatvamasi' left goosebumps. 

This reminded me of the 27th verse of Tao and on 'Living by your inner light'. The Great Sufi poet Hafiz speaks of this in his poem "No more leaving" :

At some point Your relationship with God will Become like this:

Next time you meet Him in the forest Or on a crowded city street

There won't be anymore  "Leaving ".

That is,

God will climb into your pocket.

You will simply just take 

Yourself Along!

5 Love Languages - Gary Chapman (21 of 2023)

 The most common issue in any relationship is the communication barrier. Everyone experiences love differently, and it’s easy to miss the mark when it comes to showing that you care. Love begin at home and people speak different love languages. Like the languages we use to speak, read and right, most of us grow up leaning the language of our parents and siblings which become our primary or native one. Language differences are part and parcel of human culture. So also in the area of Love. 

"Inside every child is an 'emotional tank' waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Misbehaviour is motivated by the cravings of an empty 'love tank'. Dr. Ross Campbell. Love Language children understand can be different from that of the parents. 

Spouses, friends need not have the same Love language. All need security, self worth and significance. Share that in your relationship. 

In 5 Love Languages - Gary Chapman tells about the secrets of Love that lasts.

We need to keep the Love tank full, and understand that 'falling in love' is an euphoric experience.  From in love, we move to real love. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. That kind of love requires effort and discipline. The emotional need for love must be met if we are to have emotional health.  

For relationships to last we need to keep the love tank full. The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming word we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires. Encouraging words, compliments, kind, humble words make a difference. Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. It can be verbal or non verbal. 

By bringing into today, yesterday's failures you pollute a potentially wonderful present. Let failures become history. Forgiveness is not a feeling it is a commitment. 

The 5 languages are:


1) Words of Affirmation

Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

2) Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided, Focused attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities with feelings. Quality conversation requires not only sympathetic listening but also self-revelation. There are two personality types - Dead Sea and Babbling Brooks.  For BBs what enters their eyes or ears come out of the mouth. 

3) Receiving Gifts

Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly. It is something you can hold in your hands, visual symbols. Physical presence help. 

4) Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. It's common to feel Doormat or Lover? The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

5) Physical Touch

Touch is very powerful. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. This language isn't all about the bedroom. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

We need to discover our primary love language and the love language of our loved ones. Know which of this it is:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Ignoring the love language is like ignoring the needs of the garden. 

If your deepest pain is the critical, judgemental words - then your love language is 'words of affirmation.' You can understand your love language by answering these questions:

1. What hurts you the most?
2. What have you requested most often?
3. In what way do you regularly express love?

If your love tank has been too full or too empty, it will be difficult to find your love language. Do a Tank Check. Ask for a reading from 0 to 10 three evening a week. If you loved one is at a 10 consistently, good and continue doing what you are doing. 

Love is a choice, love makes the difference, we can love the unlovely. "Do to others as you would have them to do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them" - So says Bible. 

1. 'Ask'  and be a better person
2. Take feedback
3. Continue giving positive feedbacks and affirmations
4. Don't rest on you laurels - continue the journey. 

Each of us come from different personality and history with different emotional baggage.  Our primary love language tend to stay with us for a lifetime. Children need to learn how to receive and give love in all five love languages. 

This is how your Marriage Ends - Matthew Fray (20 of 2023)

 

'This is how your Marriage Ends ', Matthew Fray begin with a beautiful dedication : 'To my son. Be better than your father. Please work to be what you and your mom deserved from me. Be kind, even when it's hard. Painful things will sometimes happen. For you and those you love. Darkness will occasionally fall because it always does. When that happens, you be the light. ' and 'To his mother. This is - for better or worse, for richer or poorer - for you. Because it can't not be. I'm so sorry.'

Marriage: Trip to Survivor Island.

Overarching premise is that good people who want to be married accidentally hurt one another and  betray each other's trust without either partner being aware of it as it is happening until their marriage slowly becomes toxic and/or ends. 

Divorce: The Great Social crisis of our time. It robs you of your past, and your future, of your hopes and dreams. It is not the end of the world. Can't thank the author enough for this book, cause now we see marriages failing. This is the story of marriage everywhere. Millions of people. Maybe billions.  But it doesn't have to be. 

Good people can be bad at relationships. People with the best intentions in the world can still inadvertently harm their relationship partners. The things that destroy love and marriage often disguise themselves as unimportant. Many dangerous things neither appear nor feel dangerous as they’re happening. When we don’t recognize something as threatening, then we’re not on guard. These tiny wounds start to bleed, and the bleed-out is so gradual that many of us don’t recognize the threat until it’s too late to stop it. Sexual affairs, physical spousal abuse, and gambling away the family savings are major crimes in marriage, but not the only reason to end one. The conditions that end marriage and keep the divorce rate sky-high are the results of unremarkable, everyday behaviours. Behaviours most people perceive to be so ordinary and inconsequential that they don't know to be afraid of them, or to avoid them, how to discuss them effectively, or how to repair the damage caused by them (often because at least one of us spend most of our energy denying anything's wrong in the first place). We often fail to identify the real root causes of our broken relationships, which then dooms us to repeat the same behaviours in future relationships. So mostly second marriages also fail. 

The behaviour is because the person is hurt cause the other is not keeping the promise or word.  If the spouse is perceived to be someone unwilling or unable to keep their promises, then there can't be trust in the relationship. A relationship absent of trust doesn't feel safe because relationships without trust are unsustainable. People require safety. We need safety to function, else we focus time and effort on trying to eliminate the threat or flee to safety. Our failure to recognize conversations about painful betrayals, dooms us to repeating the same arguments and finding ourselves in maddeningly circular conversations over and over again until something breaks painfully enough for us to notice.  

Relationships with people whom we trusted when they promised to love us forever no longer feel trustworthy. It is the erosion and eventual loss of safety and trust that create the conditions for the death of a marriage. 

The relationship become strained but not quickly nor obviously. The strain sneaks in slowly. Quietly. Insidiously. If we recognized what was happening as it was happening, most of us would course-correct, since most of us legitimately love our spouses and want our marriage to succeed. We're not intentionally sabotaging our most important relationships. We are accidentally doing it. Most of us don't even know it's happening as it's happening. As we don't recognize something as threatening, then we're not on guard. We don't make preparations or adjustments to protect ourselves and others from potentially horrible outcomes. 

At hindsight,  both goes through the same feeling and emotion. What is lacking is empathy. Broken relationships are the results of things we do not know. 

Relationship problems are not usually occurring because of bad people doing bad things to the people they love. Relationship problems crop up among perfectly decent and well intentioned people who are  simply living  lives and failing to recognize that others  are experiencing pain while one is  busy feeling comfortable and not paying attention. 

Marriages don't go down in a fiery explosion but from 10,000 paper cuts. Quietly. Slowly. 'I am not trying to hurt my spouse, so my spouse should not get hurt' - This is how marriages end. 

Remember to consider each other in decision making each day, there will be trust and  marriage will go the distance. 

Safety + Belonging + Mattering=Trust

Unintentional pain and unintentional trust betrayals will end your relationship as surely as intentional ones will, only slower. 

Living in a broken marriage or going through divorce is one of the most disruptive and painful experience a person will encounter in their lifetime.  They are the 3rd and 2nd most stressful life events a person can experience, according to psychologists studying the impact of stress on physical health. All are affected by the negative consequences of shitty marriage and divorce. (There is only one perfect child and every mother has it, and a mother is only as happy as her saddest child) . Only the death of a spouse ranks as the first and greatest life stressor. 

People have lavish wedding, with the intention of happily ever after.  

Respect your spouse, be considerate, don’t dismiss their different views. Keep your promises. Don’t go into marriage or cohabitation because you think you are going to get something out of it; that’s taking your spouse for granted. You need to inconvenience yourself some of the time.

Mr Fray says all this in a pithier way. The humour contrasts with the passages describing the devastation he felt at his parents’ divorce and his own.

"The secret for happy marriage is Courtesy. Courtesy keep love fresh and alive. Everything is a relation of cause and effect. Treat all with courtesy and respect." - Earl Nightingale . Respect and appreciation is the key. Make each other feel loved, safe and treat others well. 

My prayer is that either let the concept of marriage become extinct or let those into relationship live happily ever-after.

Wonder and Awe | Louie Schwartzberg | TEDxLA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdlxk4RFCYM

Love making the invisible, visible.

Expand vision, 

Wonder and awe bring us into the present moment, connecting us with the divine, that possesses the power to inspire and heal us. 

Louie Schwartzberg, cinematic wizard, reconnects you with your human birthright: your innate spiritual resonance with visions of wonder and awe in the natural world.

Awe influence our decision making, rich in time, patience. Bring nature into your life. 

Gratitude, appreciate everything under the earth. 

We want healthy planet for children. Need to work, to live in a better world, as this is our one and only home and celebrate life.  

Law of hedonic adaptation, states that certain pleasures or accomplishments—a new job, a bigger apartment—start to lose some of their thrill over time. But the more we practice awe, it seems, the richer it gets. Solnit’s idea is that the self can extend into the environment. In the awe-walk condition, people’s selfies increasingly included less of the self. A brief dose of awe can reduce stress, decrease inflammation, and benefit the cardiovascular system. Luckily, we don’t need to wait until we stumble upon it; we can seek it out. Awe is all around us. We just need to know where to look for it.

There is also a beautiful book on this 'Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life' by Dacher Keltner

Joy is an Inside Job: Amanda Gore - Zoot Zoot (19 of 2023)

 Joy is an Inside Job is the ‘gateway’ into your awareness of the joy inside you. You will learn to live from the wisdom of your heart. You will learn how to stop being controlled by your old habits, patterns, fears or emotions. You will learn to feel love for yourself – which changes everything else around you.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NgFczqJuklg - The secret formula for joy: Amanda Gore at TEDxNoosa 2014; this is where I discovered her.

The Secret Formula For Joy : We are all searching for happiness - when we really need to be rediscovering our own joy! It's there inside you! This simple three step process will help you connect with more happiness than you thought possible! It's easy, free and you can do it anywhere. It can bust depression, boost your energy, improve your relationships and make you very popular! Most imp. organ heart. 

1. Stop Judging - You become present, and you open up your mind and heart. 
2. Drop into the space for heart - from Head - It is the source of Joy. Head brings fear - You are moving from Head to heart. Heart sees reality and bring peace - Its a great place - filled with Gratitude. A great habit to develop is to learn to 'drop' to your heart. 
3. Bless - Zoots Zoots. When we send love; it builds immune system. They scatter joy. Zoot everything you see and get in connection with. 

Eradicate fear, and promote joy. Most important place is inside of your heart. Stop Judging, Zoot Zoot Zoot. 

Breath through your heart. Repeat 'Be still....and know that I am'.

Joy is an Inside Job: 12 Timeless Secrets for Abundance, Radiant Health and Lifelong Happiness  is an amazing book by Amanda Gore 

Most of us have been looking for happiness in all the wrong places. We look outside ourselves for things to happen that will make us happy. True happiness is joy, and Joy is an Inside Job.

Do you feel as happy or joyful as you want to be?

Are you as healthy, wealthy and enthusiastic as you would like?

Do you feel great about yourself?

The good news is that you can be joyful right now. This book shows you how to unwrap and master all 12 of your Secret Gifts with simple daily JOY-ercises. It’s your guidebook to creating the life you want - and are meant to have.

Whether you read this book by yourself, your family or with a tribe of joy buddies, you will learn secrets that will change your life including how to:

•Discover the fears that are holding you back. The real 'F' word is Fear. There is a little section in the oldest part of the brain (the limbic system) that lies right next to the prefrontal cortex. It's called the amygdala - call AMMY for short! Ammy tells us when to be fearful . In scientific term its called 'amygdala hijack' (found in Daniel Goleman's book 'Emotional Intelligence') It's wen we are instantly transported to a state of terror and can no longer think clearly. It might be called panic or an anxiety attack. In Seth Godin's book 'Linchpin', he talks about the lizard brain being 'hungry, scared, angry and horny!'. Each time we wake up to an unnecessary fear that is driving our behavior, say 'Thank You AMMY, but not now'!

•Love yourself – all the time. (How you feel about yourself is the most influential thing in life!)

•Drop to your heart to receive your heart’s wisdom.

•Change old habits the easy way by FARCing. FARC, Un-FARC and RE-FARC

• F-Focus
• A-Attention and Awareness
• R-Repetition
• C-Celebration - The celebration part is really important for the brain to cement the new learnings and rewiring 

•Share the secrets of joy with your children.

•Find gratitude every day and in every situation.

•Attain inner peace.

•Feel a sense of connection and belonging.

But wait - there's more! You'll also learn the secrets to health, abundance and success!

In other words, this book will teach you how you can feel truly alive, JOYful and in love with yourself and your life.

Joy is an Inside Job book teaches you how to discover your joy, share it with others – and help them to find their own joy.

The 12 Secrets - What you will learn in the book are as below, ; and if you do the exercise before each secret ; what you have written will create your own book 'My Journey to Joy'.

Secret 1. Gratitude:

Be in Awe of everything around you.

•How to view life through your ‘Gratitude Glasses’ (Reframe)

•Why you need to be a ‘good finder’

•The value of choice

Be Grateful to divine, work, home, past, body, nature, heart gratitude. 

Problems occur when we do not have routine, rhythm and balance.

Secret 2. Compassion and Grace

Compelled with passion to take action. Way of living, ongoing, transcending time and space a heart to heart  and spirit to spirit connection much more powerful than a brain to brain one. Make it a conscious choice untill it becomes habit.

•How to be present with those around you

•Connect heart-to-heart - Listen with your heart for feelings.

•How to stop judging and give love unconditionally

Compassion is the antithesis of selfishness or self-centeredness.

Grace is about being unconditionally loved and unconditionally loving others.

Tenderness is the key.

Exercise: Practise SELF-LESS-NESS!

Be - Selfless; Gracious; Present; Unconditionally Love; Tender

Choose kindness over judgement.

Forgive and Focusing- Use tender voice if nothing works. Haters suffer more than the hated.

Secret 3. Hope 

•How to build up resilience in yourself and your children

•How to tell the difference between happiness and joy

•Why hope and health are connected

Secret 4. Reverence

•How to ignite the light of your spirit and others

•Value the food we eat and our bodies

•Connect with and respect nature

Secret 5. Generosity

•Learn the importance of receiving

•How to be wise selfish

•How to give without expecting anything in return

Secret 6. Forgiveness

•How fear stops us from forgiving

•Forgive and still set boundaries

•Why your perceptions matter

Secret 7. Energy and Vitality

•How to create new positive habits

•Strategies for slowing down

•How to reconnect with food in a joyful way

Secret 8. Listening

•Learn the difference between listening and hearing

•How to listen to people’s feelings

•To become conscious of what you are saying to yourself

Secret 9. Laughter

•How to release the bodies natural joy hormones – endorphins

•Why you are responsible for creating your own joy

•How to notice the funny stuff around you

Secret 10. Love

•How to love yourself first – warts and all

•How to deal with someone you don’t like

•Why the ones we love most are our greatest teachers

Secret 11. Cheerful Enthusiasm

•How to re-frame every situation

•Strategies for achieving a ‘sunny’ disposition

•How to wake up excited

Secret 12. Equanimity (Inner Peace)

•The 9 enemies of inner peace

•How to let go of past hurts

•Practical ways to deal with stress in your life

The Battle for New India by Chandan Sarkar (18 of 2023)

 

"Anyone who says they are not interested in politics is like a drowning man who insists he is not interested in water." -Mahatma Gandhi. The Battle for New India by Chandan Sarkar is a fictional story about Srikant, a singer-turned-politician, who faces the dark sides of the Indian political system and stands up for a battle against the conventional political parties to change the poor situation of the socio-economic conditions.

This story is themed on the current political scenario of the country where the governance is poor, inflation is at its peak, the unemployment graph is rising day by day and so on. The protagonist Srikant, widely called as Sri is looked up to by his followers as hope who can bring the change in the country.

'We are hearts

We are souls of India

We are here to fight

We are here to change

We will create

A new India!"

The above lines are used in the book as the part of the speech by Srikant which portrays his patriotic nature who is here to change India and make it better for the coming generation.

It is a short story on a very vital subject matter. The author has done justice with the story and the character. Language chosen is easy to understand and is enough to keep the readers engaged. From the first chapter only readers can feel the connection with the protagonist.

"A future can only happen if you can change the present. A change can only happen if you can take the actions required to make that happen. And change is inevitable; it’s a part of life."

Reset.Restart.Resume - Namita Das (17 of 2023)

 

Rachna is unhappy with her life and her decisions. A new mom she starts questioning everything in her life. Postpartum depression is an issue that should not be ignored. Her best friend Devi understands this and tries to soothe and comfort Rachna, but Rachna only seems to regret her own life while she compares how much fun Devi’s life is - as a travel blogger, getting to visit new places while learning healing practices like Reiki.

Rachna desires to go back in her past, reset it and restart living as per her choices. Choices that will make her life exciting.

How often have we thought of  resetting and restarting our life from a certain moment? This book is about it.

Will Rachna be able to change her past?

Will she fulfil her dreams?

Or will she make more mistakes leading to another troubled life?

What happens to her baby?

Where is Jay in the new life?

If your mind is ticking with questions, read this short story and discover the secret.

If given a chance What would you change in your life ?

Regretting her choices in the past, comparing her life to others, wondering if she had made different choices what would her life be like. The book describes life a woman who is a new mom with a career that might go down. This is common is most women when they know that their professional life won't be same when they return to it after the baby. This is overwhelming and depressing at the same time.

Happy Reading!!

Life in One Sentence...

 'Describe your entire life in one sentence.'

• Amma: Life is duty, so we have to live life facing the fate  smoothly & with pray by Grace of God
• Enjoy life before marriage because after marriage we have to face full of struggles🙈
• Nammude kuttikalam pole ini Oru santhosham namukku  kittula ... Nammude achan ammaa.... Athaanu heaven
• സംഭവിച്ചതെല്ലാം നല്ലതിന് ഇനി സംഭവിക്കാൻ പോകുന്നതും നല്ലതിന്
• Find happiness in and around ourselves. Only we can make us happy no one can
• We have to find out our happiness and satisfaction in life... Enjoy the rest of the life with happiness..... ❤️❤️❤️
• Roller coaster Ride
• A mother is as happy as her saddest child.
• Happiness Humesha
• You live life only once, live it right with dignity.
• Learned to accept things and leading with hope 
• Mine is a full fuck up 😂 , am a epitome of making wrong choices.
• Mine is a roller coaster ride...🤭
• My life is full of blessings ❤️
• My life has been an emotional roller coaster full of all kinds of good n bad experiences and lessons, for which I'm thankful to God and the Universe.
• Achan - 'All for himself, God for all - Time and Tide waits for no man'.
• Letting Go and Letting God, living like a glorious infant nursing at the great all - providing mothers breast. 

Aren't these amazing on how people take life?

Joshimath Cracking....

Can't believe this is the place we recently visited, and the slight cracks, never bothered us. The habit of taking things for granted and not questioning. 

The Himalayas, the youngest mountain range in the world, is naturally primed for calamities. The valleys in the Garhwal Himalayas, are among the most susceptible areas in the mountain range.  A two-year study by the Indian Institute of Remote Sensing, conducted between July 2020 and March 2022, found that Joshimath and its surrounding areas have been sinking at the rate of 6.5 centimeters (2.5 inches) per year. The 2022 USDMA report also pointed to a lack of drainage and wastewater disposal systems as being part of the subsidence problem.The town is sinking gradually with huge cracks developing in houses, on roads and fields. Around 830 houses have tilted and are sinking. It is facing a major challenge due to land subsidence. The town is sinking gradually with huge cracks developing in houses, on roads and fields. 

The petitioner has contended that the incident has occurred due to large-scale industrialization and sought immediate financial assistance and compensation to the people of Uttarakhand. The plea has also sought direction to the National Disaster Management Authority to actively support the residents of Joshimath in these challenging times.

Joshimath is described in the ancient scriptures as Kartikeyapura as it has been named after Kartikeya, the God of Katyuri kings. During winters, the town becomes home of the Lord Badri, who are brought down from Badrinath to Vasudeva temple at Joshimath. Joshimath, is the gateway to famous pilgrimage sites like Badrinath and Hemkund Sahib and international skiing destination Auli, 

Few pictures from the latest Visit in Sept 22 - As I look back, I realise, how incomplete is the story, that tourists gather.

 

Mukundan Unni Associates

Editor Abhinav Sunder Nayak makes his directorial debut who also triples up as co-writer with Vimal Gopalakrishnan and co- editor with Nidhin Raj Arol;  with the Vineeth Sreenivasan starrer "Mukundan Unni Associates" (MUA) in the dark comedy genre. This again has review from Sreeram Sundaram. 

Mukundan Unni is turning 36 but is unhappy and frustrated with his position as a junior lawyer in a law firm run by Adv Gangadharan (Ranjith). He is also miffed with the fact that his ladylove, Adv Jyothi (Tanvi Ram) is more popular in the law firm than himself. He tries to cross the line with a client - a politician couple - that irritates his boss, who in turn, shows him the door. To be rich, he tries to live a structured life of hardwork, dedication, perseverance and discipline for years, but success eludes him. Meanwhile, a freak fall in the house lands Mukundan's mother in a multispecialty hospital where he learns how to make some quick bucks by using accident insurance claims - thanks to Adv Venu (Suraj Venjaarammoodu). Taking a cue from Adv Venu, Mukundan along with his lawyer friend, Robin (Sudhi Koppa), a failure himself, start working on accident cases with some help from the hospital receptionist Meenakshi (Aarsha Baiju). 

As he starts getting more cases and earning more money, his extremely selfish, vengeful and non - remorseful original self is exposed gradually and what he does to people who he feels will threaten his position, leaves you stunned, in more instance than one. 

Right from the opening credits announcing the ill effects of smoking to the statement related to non harming of animals (all in Vineeth's voice), the director prepares you for the kind of movie that is going to unfold before you and almost throughout the length of the narrative, you have the protagonist speaking to himself - one of the reasons why Vineeth Sreenivasan maintains stoic expressions and stiff body language on camera since his mind is revealed through these monologues. 

If the protagonist is painted in the darkest of shades, the rest of the characters are not pristine white either - be it Adv Venu and his team, the insurance company manager who incidentally is Adv Venu's wife, the lady whom Mukundan approaches first for a case and who bargains with him for commission, Robin who turns around to reveal his improved self towards the climax or even Meenakshi who gets to mouth the one line that sums up the entire concept of the script - about successful people using all sorts of tricks to get to the top and how hard work, perseverance etc. are just fodder to sell motivational books. 

The only 2 characters who represent goodness in the entire narrative are the young doctor who owns the hospital and Adv Jyothi - both of whom fail in their respective missions in their end but still hold on to their ideals. 

It is this interesting spin (of good people losing and wicked people winning) that Abhinav and team give to the narrative that keeps it different and palatable in spite of not worth idolizing any of the characters. 

Technically, all departments contribute well with none of them towering over the narrative. All actors perform well and Aarsha Baiju is a good find. A special shoutout for creating strong, opinionated women who are bold and do not care a damn about speaking their minds - there is not even a single woman character that is shown as submissive - all of them are assertive to the extent of turning aggressive any moment - kudos to the writing team to create and present today's women throughout. 

Vineeth Sreenivasan who is generally liked for his genial ways, shakes off his "gentleman" tag and embraces Mukundanunni wholeheartedly and gives us a performance worth remembering - he sends chills down your spine by portraying Mukundanunni with all his callousness. 

To sum up, "MUA" is a delicious dark comedy that may not appeal to everyone.