How to Figure Out What You Really Want | Ashley Stahl | TEDxLeidenUniversity

What an intense intro for a career choice talk. 

Have you ever wondered what you actually want? Then join Ashley Stahl–career coach, author, former counterterrorism and podcast host– as she shares her 3 key steps to help you connect to your life's purpose, discover your ideal career path, and make what she likes to call a "You Turn," the decision to get out of fear and tap into to what you actually want out of life. She hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, "the You Turn Podcast", with the intention of helping her listeners upgrade their mindset both in work and love, and land a new job they love. Ashley Stahl is a  counterterrorism professional turned podcaster, forthcoming author, and career coach who helps clients find their purpose, build their confidence, and launch successful service-based businesses. Ashley also hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, the You Turn Podcast, with the intention of helping listeners work on themselves, raise their confidence—all while taking life less seriously.

She starts the talk with how her dad once got a phone call asking for money, saying she was kidnapped. He just did not  give his power away. He managed to have your mom call 911. To have clarity in that moment, her dad had gone through a lot in life, lost business, had cancer, lost his elder daughter and was 75 years of age. He immediately submitted without any shred of evidence. Which was the entire point of the talk. The police sent a message to her phone BEFORE they knew for sure she had not been kidnapped, thereby potentially alerting the kidnappers to the fact that her father had gone against their instructions. It is possibly because kidnappers would have not kept the victim's phone. Otherwise, it would be so easy for the police to track it and find them. So if the victim answers, it could mean that the kidnapping was a scam. Or maybe the police already tracked it and knew that she was in her Beverly Hills office. So many combinations of "maybe".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRtBHF-WPpM

With her story, she says, Don't be a kidnapper of your own. She had realized 'I am my own kidnapper'. Ask 'Where am I kidnapping myself from where I want ?'

To figure out what you want, really take a look at yourself and figure out what makes you feel good (i.e. What do you like doing)? Shoot your shot, show up, commit, and try it. If it doesn't work out, go for the next one. 

3 Steps for a You-turn:

1) Do a self audit. Ask: Where are you holding yourself captive? 

○ What's working for you? What isn't?

○ What do you know that you wish you didn't know? Are you hiding from the truth? What are you scared to face? See things for what they actually are (and where you actually are).Don't be afraid, even if there is pain. Pain is a trampoline that will take us to next stage of life. 

2) Follow your freedom 

a. What do you like? What makes you feel good? We are so connected that we are disconnected. 

b. Usually when you follow what feels good, your purpose is in front of you, or on the periphery

c. Follow your gut listen if you feel anxiety or anxiousness. Your body is a messenger constantly giving your advice. 

d. List out your ideas/things you think you want. Do you feel:

i. Joy or fear?

ii. Excitement or Dread?

iii. Expansion or contraction?

iv. Liberation or suffocation?

e. Try writing a joy journal (30 days)

i. Write down every moment that brings joy to you

ii. Then look at any patterns in inspiration -> what skillset am I using when I'm the most inspired?

3) Engage - Action. Perfectionism is the enemy of action. Clarity comes from engagement and feedback and from taking action and course correction. 

a. Take action. Don't go for perfectionism, don't be afraid to fail

In summary: Try things. Show up and commit to something that you like. You can always course correct if things don't go well.

My compassion for my father and the kidnappers. Did they do it because they connected it to truth, body and joy?

If you don't know what you want. Its because your mind is so busy with comfort things. When I say comfort I mean you should have an achievement. Like getting a good job or starting to have a good body shape. In these caseses you may want to leave your job to start your own business or after a year gym you decided to start boxing lessons and become a boxer. If you don't know what you want to do you just need to do something basic. Then you will figure out how it would be better

I understand growing and learning is important. (Read a book walk in nature make a new recipe.) Especially for the mind but who says we need new bodies or to quit our jobs because those bigger things makes life better .. the problems if America is they're never content. They can't sit still therefore leads to unhappiness from unfulfilled expectations ..we have the most people on antidepressants. It's a crisis

 Instead of apologizing to your past. Make a promise to your future self instead. To be inspired by pure positive emotions and your surroundings and to promise yourself to be happier and enjoy life.

Rutger Bregman's "Utopia For Realists" for some ideas on the world could truly be made a better and happier place. 

"Perfectionism is a mask we all wear when we're afraid of failure." Hits my heart. "Clarity comes from engagement ... it does not come from thought" Your career is an experiment, taking you to who you are. 

The best is yet to come. Don't be complacent.