Dhangal

Have read the below by Chandramohan in 'The Cinema Company' - I did not feel like anything more:

Well, the apparent disappointment of not able to watch a Mollywood film this Christmas and new year season for obvious reasons has been put to shelves, thanks to Aamir Khan and Co through a terrific and brilliant movie in the form of Dangal. This is one movie which has earned its place to be called a masterpiece on all counts. Carrying a heavy burden of expectations on its shoulders, Dangal serves to appeal to every class of audience irrespective of the age factor and genre preference.


I was thinking before the release about how Dangal is going to make it count and sustain at the box office when a similar movie dealing with the sport of Wrestling in the form of Sultan hit cinemas and went on to taste success. But the similarities just end up there. The stories are totally different and poles apart even though both deal with wrestling. Sultan was more of a fictional story having prominence for romance and thrills, Dangal is more of a biopic on real life characters.

Dangal is the story of Mahavir Singh Phogat hailing from Haryana who was a national wrestling champion turned coach. He wanted to represent the country and win a gold medal. Fate had other plans as Mahavir could not realize his dream but he retain the ambition of achieving his dream through his son. There also fate played its part as to his disappointment the man is blessed with four girl childs. Whether Mahavir can achieve his long cherished goal is the big question and Dangal the movie show what happens next.

Bollywood has a special preference for sports biopics. Movies like Chak De India, Budhia Singh, Mary Kom, Baagh Milka Baagh and Iqbal are all ample testimony to the fondness the industry has towards this genre. Each of these movies were able to make a deep bonding and instant connection with the audience. Dangal also is also on a similar terrain, if not much more than them.

Its an all out Aamir Khan show with excellent support from his co-actors but a movie cannot taste success unless it is backed by beautiful presentation and exciting screenplay. It is here that Dangal score the perfect rank or the full marks to take it to another level. Singh is King says our professional boxing hero Vijender Singh but in a movie, to be effective and successful, i would say writing is the King.

Director Nitesh Tiwari who is in terrific touch here along with his writers have been able to come up with a special film, by far the best to come out of Bollywood for a long time. In fact the director has set a new bench mark as far direction goes surpassing some best movies. Chillar Party, Bhootnath Returns are some of the movies to Nitesh's credit and he has made Dangal an exceptional and outstanding film.

Geeta Kumari and Babita Kumari's exploits at the Commonwealth Games representing the country is a known and familiar thing to the people loving and following this sport. Now it is a matter of how their story is going to be executed. The big question that will be raised is, has the movie done justice to their story with less predictability and ample excitement as a movie? Well, the answer is pretty simple and straightforward, Dangal has more than lived up to the hype with a near perfect film and is a pure must watch and a clear winner.

He is called Mr.Perfectionist by his ardent fans and followers and the media too has only golden words to describe his credentials as an actor and the the film that Aamir chooses. The role of a perfectionist is to ensure that the standards set by him is maintained every time he is out there, no matter what the role he is enacting. Aamir Khan has just done that.

A brilliant display of acting where each and every scene has this perfection in such a way that we cannot pick a scene which is the best since each and every scene that the actor is part of is done in remarkable fashion. The transformation he has done to his body to show different phase of his life is truly laudable.

Even though we can see Aamir Khan claiming bulk of the screen presence, few actors in spite of his towering presence still made it count and made performances which are truly memorable. The first and foremost among them are the two people who played Geeta Kumari, the eldest of the four daughters of Mahavir. The little girl who portrayed Geetha's younger days was upto the task. It is Fathima Sana Shaikh who is the chosen one to play Geeta when she is in her youth and believe me she was simply awesome with her acting as well as fighting skills. I think she is a real wrestler and if not have taken time and efforts to learn the sport.

Same goes for Sanya Malhotra playing Babita Kumari bringing in lot of freshness to the role. The girl who portrayed the little Babita too was noteworthy. The guy who played cousin brother to the girls as well as the actress (Sakshi Tanwar) who did the role of Mahavir's wife too deserves a word of mention here though their roles were quite small.

Cinematography is excellent while the cuts were perfect. One can say that one hundred and sixty one minutes is on the higher side but never does the film makes you bored or for that matter overstay. Pritam has given soulful music with a local flavor. Background score also had the apt feel in it. Another notable area is the way in which all the fighting scenes (Wrestling) has been choreographed. Whoever has done it deserves a round of applause.

Dangal is one film that will make you weep and at the same time provide excitement, joy and inspiration by the time the final scene wrap up on screen. I would say it is a remarkable movie that is a must watch. Goosebumps started appearing when the climax of the movie was on display. Such was the feel and power that the movie had in its possession to win over the audience. Go and grab your tickets is the final word from me.


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What actually touched me is the father-daughter relationship and Aamirs words that while coching, he cannot mix his fatherly affection to bring out the best result.

Religion

Take any religion;
• There will be a group of people who claims to follow that religion, though not
• Those who will be identified as true followers by their conduct

For example for Jehovah’s witnesses:
Those who do the will of Jehovah and conduct their lives accordingly are the ones who will be marked as true Christians among the following 4 characteristics.

1. Their lives are governed by the principles of God’s word – John 17:17; when faced with temptations, Jesus quoted from God’s word, he taught God’s word, he had remarkable knowledge of God’s word.
2. They involve in the sanctification of God’s name – because that was what Jesus had done John 17:6
3. They involve in preaching the good news of the kingdom – Daniel 2:44- again that is what Jesus had done, who else the preaching work across the globe other than Jehovah’s witness
4. Love one another – John 13:34,35; We adorn ourselves with the cloth of Love which makes it easier to identify us – we belong to one family –Therefore it is necessary that we live as Christ’s followers – because everyone else, including who claims to be Jesus followers will be destroyed.

Not long before had written on the topic:

http://arunoday.blogspot.in/2016/07/religious-conversion-unrest.html


Even today there is lot of debate, and unrest on this topic. We all know we are one, same children of one God. Yet people need something to fight over. Prove their faith, their thoughts are right. Why? Why can we all not move forwards with unity, with oneness in our mind? Do all religion not teach us that?

One more year.....Reminiscence - A December to Remember

Wishing one and all Happiness Always!! Yet another change to a calender year, with somethings remaining the same, and somethings changing.....All memories do not last for ever, fresh memories erase off the old ones.If we try to grow where something, even a part of us has died, we will experience sickness. It is better to move, uproot overselves and start afresh; then we will flourish. Easier said, difficult to implement. Miracles only grow where you plant them. May you have a healthy, wealthy, peaceful and fulfilling year ahead!!! Thank God for the opportunity, Thank you dear ones for being there for me, hugs to my dear ones for your losses, we need to move on...Praying for eternal bliss .....Happy New Year 2017, may it unfold fresh memories....


Two most important thing to have in life –

• Health and
• Wealth

You never realise until you lose them. If wealth is lost, you can regain; but health lost is difficult.

The advise I had when leaving OPI/EXL was that the health is the first of life. But I had always taken it for granted and have seen them failing in the last couple of years. First father and the saga continue.

Blood Pressure

Two numbers are used to describe blood pressure:
• Systolic. The systolic pressure (the higher and first number) measures the force that blood exerts on the artery walls as the heart contracts to pump out the blood.
• Diastolic. The diastolic pressure (the lower and second number) is the measurement of force as the heart relaxes to allow the blood to flow into the heart.
Blood pressure is measured in millimeters of mercury (mm Hg). A blood pressure reading is written like this: 120/80 mm Hg, where 120 is the systolic, and 80 is the diastolic blood pressure.
Blood pressures are now categorized as normal, prehypertension, hypertension stage 1, or hypertension stage 2. The categories are defined in this table:

Category Systolic BP (mm Hg) Diastolic BP (mm Hg)
Normal below 120 and below 80
Prehypertension 120 - 139 or 80 - 89
Hypertension Stage 1 140 -159 or 90 - 99
Hypertension Stage 2 160 and above or 100 and above

Blood lipids, including cholesterol

Lipoproteins are protein spheres that transport cholesterol, triglyceride, or other lipid molecules through the bloodstream. Most of the information about the effects of cholesterol and triglyceride actually concerns lipoproteins.

The cholesterol-carrying lipoproteins are commonly referred to as cholesterol. They comprise the low density lipoproteins (LDL), often called the "bad" cholesterol, and the high-density lipoproteins (HDL), referred to as the "good" cholesterol. The triglyceride-carrying lipoproteins are intermediate in density, and together with very-low density proteins, carry triglycerides.

Desirable total cholesterol: below 200 mg/dL (5.17 mmol/L)
Optimal LDL ('bad') cholesterol: below 100 mg/dL (2.6 mmol/L)
Optimal HDL ('good') cholesterol: over 60 mg/dL (1.56 mmol/L)
Normal triglyceride: below 150 mg/dL (1.7 mmol/L)

Dividing the total cholesterol by the HDL cholesterol levels gives a Total/HDL ratio:

The ideal ratio is 3.5 or below.
A ratio of 4.5 carries an average risk for cardiovascular disease.

Blood Sugar Levels

Normal blood glucose levels typically register between 70 and 150 mg. The level in someone's body will change during the day and is affected by many factors including what time of day it is as well as what your most recent meal was (or was not). There is danger associated with levels either below or above the range. If your level is below 70, you most likely have a condition called hypoglycemia or more commonly called low blood sugar. Other symptoms of hypoglycemia include lack of energy, focus and irritability. You can even lose consciousness if your glucose is too low.

If the level of sugar in your blood is over 150 mg, then you are considered to be hyperglycemic, also more commonly known as having high blood sugar. If you have persistent high sugar, then you are at risk for diabetes which can result in serious organ damage to your eyes, kidneys and other organs. If you do not have normal blood glucose levels, you should take all necessary steps to reverse the condition by calling you physician.

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Nothing last for ever - one more year gone by, like so many loved ones. Life goes one, hoping for the better.

Reminiscence - A December to Remember

Nostalgic end to a year. Meeting friends and relatives. A great reminiscence.

It was great being with my foster family on the Christmas Eve. Meeting childhood friends after years. Meeting old colleagues, and catching up with relatives. Reading the books one loved like Famous Five, and Arthur Conan Doyle's series of Sherlock Holmes.

Celebrating Public Spaces of India.

An amazing book by Archana Gupta and Anshuman Gupta. If you love travelling, photography or architecture, this book is for you. You feel like visiting each of these places, as they are well arranged and explained – dividing the urban public places into Monument plazas, cultural spaces, parks, markets, waterfront spaces, and religious spaces from across India. Beginning with the why and how of the places - how western and Indian perspective have influenced the formation. A worthy investment, not to be missed.

Dear Zindagi

Dear Zindagi deals with a 20s something aspiring cinematographer Kaira played by Alia Bhatt and her journey as she tries to deal with her professional and personal commitments. Her mistakes and her regrets eventually leads to a breakdown of sorts that results in her contacting a therapist, the Demak kha doctor - DD played by Shah Rukh Khan. Her encounter with Jug, an unconventional thinker, helps her gain a new perspective on life. She discovers that happiness is all about finding comfort in life's imperfections.

She is good at her work, but not getting that big break. Even her relationships in life – be it her parents or the men in her life are screwed up thanks to her own apprehensions.However when things get too much for her delicate mind to handle, she decides to consult a therapist.

Is finding the right partner in life similar to finding the right chair? That was interesting. If we go by Jug’s earlier theory, the chair only creaks when you are confused about love, then that means he is confused about his feelings for his last patient. So has Jug started falling for his much younger patient?

This is an Alia Bhatt movie, through and through.If you were awed by her performance in Udta Punjab, be prepared to be blown away by her sheer anguish here.

ADHM - Ae Dhil Hey Mushkil

"Tu safar mera, tu hi mera hai suffering,Movie me jage rehna, ae dil hai mushkil." - Well for each their own, I just loved the movie.

What would you expect when you put together Friendship vs.Love from KKHH, Life vs. Death from KHNH, Kushi and Gum not like KKKG, The slap effect from KANK..what would you expect from a typical KJO movie put together traditional dance and wedding, foreign and beautiful locations, heart touching songs..what would you expect from a heartthrob Ranbeer, phataka Anushka and stylist Aish, Guest appearances of AB and SK..is what Matters of the heart are difficult or ADHM all about...Full timepass..If you enjoy THE TYPICAL Bollywood movie you would enjoy this...


ADHM is a mixture of KJo's past movies (ref. dialogues n songs from his own movies), he's back doing what he does best in showing the complexity in relationships with high emotion and drama at its peak, Ash looks stunning but very less screen presence than expectd, Anushka being impressive and in a matured role knowing exactly what she expcts from a relationship but its RK who completely steals d show from being comical to heartbroken to a confused lover, he has nailed down each n every moment shown...nothing new 2 expct from dis movie but still a beautiful story wid a blend of love and friendship..So for each their own..am a fan of KJo and Ranbir.

I did like the movie and ended up seeing it twice - first day first show...and again. My Cousins would say " Arengilum pogumo ranbir kapoorinde padam kaanan..Athum k Jo movie... Veruthe aarengilum trainnu thala vakkyo ?? And kept sending across:

Ae Dil Hai Mushkil Spoof || Shudh Desi Endings

Subscribe Us On YouTube : https://www.youtube.com/ShudhDesiEndings Follow us Twitter : https://twitter.com/ShudhDesiEnding Facebook :

But I did love the dialogues :

Ek tarfa pyar ki taqat hi kuch aur hoti hai ... auron ke rishton ki tarah yeh do logon mein nahi bat'ti ... sirf mera haq hai ispe.

Mohabbat karna hamare bas mein nahi hai ... us mohabbat se door chale jaana ... woh hamare bas mein hai

Aasaan hai kya aisi mohabbat karna ... jiske badle mohabbat na mile

Main kisi ki zaroorat nahi ... khwaish banna chahti hoon

Ajeeb kahani hai pyar aur dosti ke rishtey ki ... pyar hamara hero, dosti hamari heroine

Pyar mein junoon hai par dosti mein sukoon hai

Sau andheron mein bhi roshan ho, us haqeeqat ki talash hai ... teri dehleez pe chhod aaye, us mohabbat ki talash hai ... jhukne ki ibaadat ko toh samjhe jahaan walon ... katne pe joh haasil ho, us jannat ki talash hai (I'm looking for that reality which shines even in extreme dark conditions ... I' looking for that love which I left at your doorsteps ... people of the world, try to understand the prayer when one bows down ... I'm looking for that heaven which you attain after death)

Mujhe samjhane ki koshish mat karna ... kyun ki agar samjhaoge toh samajh jaaongi ... agar samajh gayi toh bikhar jaaongi

Kuch zakhmon ke karz lafzon se ada nahi hote

Jab main bhurji paratha khata hoon na ... toh joh khushi mehsoos hoti hai, mujhe woh wali feeling aa rahi hai ... you know jaise, dil ka pet bhar gaya ho

Top 10 tips to help with transitioning when thrown from your comfort zone

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-i-learnt-from-being-made-redundant-jane-kneebone?trk=hp-feed-article-title-like

1) Leave with your dignity intact. Complete projects properly and do a handover if required.

2) Take a well-deserved holiday.

3) Make use of all the outplacement and job search services if you are offered them. I learnt a couple of good things from them.

4) Use the time off to think about what you really want to do and what your true values are. I now work in the not-for-profit sector and have never been happier at work.

5) Take any advice from head hunters and agents with a grain of salt. They all told me it would take at least 12 months to find work and it took me only 2.5 weeks.

6) The best advice I was given, by a very wise person, was only go forward and never look back. This advice meant no complaining about the past and what could have been. Move on… fast.

7) Keep in touch with the people you used to work with who you liked and enjoy spending time with. I find my old work buddies, who I class as friends, love to see me and invite me to all sorts of interesting things.

8) The world is in a state of flux so learn to live with ambiguity and the unknown. Don’t fight it, try to embrace it. I now love change and feel more alive.

9) Search for opportunities that you never did before. I have a voluntary role on a board now and am learning many new skills.

10) Get a life – work does not define you.

Mood Swings

Recently one of my dear team members left our team, and the feedback she gave me, was my mood swing. Though I have always known about it, and have tried to control it; this time tried to research more on it. Thought of sharing my thoughts as it might help many.

Mood swings are distressing and mentally exhausting. It makes one react with extreme emotions and affect our mental peace and relationships. However, what is worse is that nobody seems to understand this state. It is easily dismissed as ‘that time of the month’; while we are left to experience the pain of feeling this way. Everyday. As difficult it is to explain someone that mood swings are not a choice or simple hormone play, it is also difficult to understand their core within ourselves. We fail to understand their cause and hence, there is no direction to work upon them. Some of the probable causes of mood swings include:

Stress each person has a different way of dealing with stress. Often we don’t realize that we are stressed but our over-worked mind find ways to exhale it through various ways. One of these ways is expressing the stress through mood swings.

Learnt behavior- you have seen people around you behaving with extreme emotions and perhaps, knowingly/ unknowingly learnt that pattern. It is difficult to change mood patterns and require conscious and effective behavior modification techniques.

Lack of sleep- proper and good sleep is essential to maintain the equilibrium of the mind. People who do not get enough and good sleep are tend to be irritable and exhausted.

Depression- depression is wrongly related to only sadness. Some people experience depression through anger and irritability and phases of sadness, anger and happiness is a common symptom.

Bipolar Disorder- extreme phases of sadness and happiness can be a symptom of Bipolar Disorder. While mood swings are common, extreme mood swings need to be considered as a symptom. Perhaps, sometimes knowing the cause is not enough. No matter how hard one tries to control one’s emotions, the phases continue to occur.


Although it is not a cakewalk but some of the ways to tackle mood swings include:

1.Get good sleep- make sure you get enough good sleep and the sleep cycle is maintained.

2.Locate the cause- often we associate our mood to an unrelated event and literally find a reason to be angry or upset. Introspect and know that whatever you are feeling is coming from within and has no particular reason in the real world.

3.Take back your life’s control- know that it is your life and it is still in your control. Building that confidence in yourself will calm the chaos in the mind.

4.Write your feelings- if you are feeling unnecessarily sad, happy or angry and possibly there are no words to explain this state to anyone, the best is to write down exactly what you are feeling and thinking. Use this note to later evaluate and understand your state. It might help you note patterns; for instance- what triggers an emotion and what calms it.

5.Seek help- often we are stuck in the rough waves of emotions and it is difficult to think through the chaos. It is best to seek professional help from someone who can help you see the larger picture and help you understand the roots of your mood swings.

Mood swings are notably disturbing for oneself and others around. However, it is important to understand that they are an expression of a deeper psychological pain. It is perhaps, a language that your mind has chosen to speak the stress, trauma or problem it is going through. As important it is to get over these mood swings, it is also important to understand and process their roots.

Sibila - Lucky or Unlucky you!

Though I lost my dearest grandmother in 2015 who was a part of me, I always felt 2015 was a better year than 2016 and kept wondering why the whole of yesterday night, and got to read the below, which made me realise the reason - a flash back to 2016.

As my previous post - Jan 10th Sibila was admitted to the hospital, and on 12th was a surgery - had been to hospital at her request then, it was her husband, me and her sister there on the 12th morning - it was not destined for her to be with us for long.

The incident has left me pondering - but noone had to go through the pain and courage that Reghu had to go through, I can feel a pinch of it, as it even helped me realise who my true friends where. - Some wanted us only for timepass, some where there for us to be our strength during our difficult times - Thank you Praseed.

Below is the message from Reghu verbatam:

"Hi all, I am Reghu

I have been thinking of writing and talking to you all for last couple of months. I tried many times, but no words came out of me. My mind was blank and silent. Even now I don’t know what would I write, but a strong feel is coming from inside to start talking to you all.

I just realized that, today it is six months since I lost the physical presence of my Sibi. The last six months were the most difficult period of time in my life. We, my kids and me, were learning to live without the candle which used to lit our life. Life is slowly coming back to a track and routines. Malavika and Advaith re-started their schooling, I re-started as a regular office goer, and we try to solace each other silently.

Cancer! It is a cruel disease. Not only because of the physical pain it causes but it brings out the real colors of people around you. Doctors who are either too blunt or tight-lipped. The "well-wishers" around you giving forced advices, giving countless directions, success stories, failure stories and thousands of "what-if" scenarios. And some people collect the bad 'stories' and experiences other fellow patients received from your treating doctor, just to tell you. Fake medicines, fake claims, etc etc. Above all these things, the "greed" of your beloved ones starts unfolding slowly. In short, life becomes cruel un-necessarily. Or in other words, we start seeing the reality. I tried my level best to block all these interferences by becoming a bad boy, but I could read from Sibi's eyes that she knows everything. In the night, after switching off the lights, we used sit silently hugging each other feeling the heartbeat eachother. I could feel the tear drops flowing one after the other from her eyes. I begged, cried and pleaded to god in all those moments but…

Sibi used to go through each and every treatment notes, scan reports, medicines etc. She wanted to know, what is happening in her treatment. She had great faith in her doctor and was courageous to face anything to win over the disease. She used to cry when the pain surges. But when the pain goes away, she used to tell me "Never go to a palliative mode, just because this pain is unbearable at times". I had to block many friends, relatives and well-wishers from visiting her in those days. "They may feel sad seeing me in this state. So ask them not to visit" - this was her usual reply.

I sincerely apologize to all who felt bad about those incidents. Sibi always wanted to be in your hearts as "smiley" as her closest friends used to call her. She never wanted anyone else to see her tear-filled eyes.

About our younger kid "Advaith". Sibi was very much sure that, our second child was going to be a boy. She decided his name as "Advaith" even before his birth, saying the name would have great significance in his life. Life was flowing peacefully. She wanted to resign from her office once the maternity leave ends. But, because of one helping hand she had showed, all our plans shattered. She gave a huge amount of money to one of her most beloved ones expecting it back in couple of months. The money was not returned. Because of that, we had to take HUGE personal loans. The EMIs were heavy. It forced both of us to work like dogs with hectic office schedules. We both used to leave early from home and come back late, leaving our kids at the mercy of maids. Advaith was emotionally so attached to Sibi, her absence and over exposure to TV because of the maids, and still-unknown reasons, he started shrinking to himself. A speech delay was identified and later diagnosed as a developmental issue - Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

Sibi's disease and his problem were diagnosed at the same time. Sibi's Continuous treatment, Kids treatment and therapies, Office work, finding source for EMIs… I was getting busier every day. During those days we got support from god, in the form of many people emotionally, mentally, monetarily and spiritually. It was those days, we felt the real value of friendship and relationship. Thank you all, words are not enough to express our gratitude.

Sibi never wanted to publicize about Advaith health condition to anyone. But I know, many of Sibi's friends are as generous as Sibi. I don’t want to see any of her friends to go into the same state. Don’t help relatives by giving money - that is the lesson we learnt. You can bear losing money. But, you may not be able to bear losing the relationship. And the damage that happens to our kids due to our financial debts and commitments is beyond words. Advaith is slowly improving with therapies and all. I am sure he is going to be fine, as he is Sibi's dream.

During Sibi's treatment, when we heard of a possibility of surgery we went for it in good faith. But it turned all the efforts upside down. Before going to the surgery, Sibi asked to promise to do everything possible as "Savithri" did for "Satyavan" in case of any unexpected issues. I did. When everyone else in the world, except her dearest friends, expected her to die I asked for ventilator support. Many people told "he is mad, he is not realisitc, he is the reason for all her plight, etc etc". All the relatives went home. I was alone at hospital with my Sibi. All our friends stood by me like rock. She slowly showed signs of coming back. She was shifted out of ventilator to room. She started talking to friends over phone. She was so confident and happy to receive friends in the hospital too. She talked a lot. The long chemo had done enough damage than we imagined. She had shown emotional instability, and an unexplainable fear, at times. A fracture had happened in her leg during physiotherapy. The silent killer - neutropenia with internal infection surged all on a sudden. And… I failed. I could not keep my promise that I had given her.

My kid Malavika, did not cry when I told her that I could not keep my promise , to bring her mother back in good health. Tears streamed out of her eyes, but she did not cry. She asked me not to cry as well, as "Advaith" would feel sad. She hugged me like her mother used to do. I promised her that I would be strong. She said she also would be strong otherwise her 'amma' would be sad. I slowly prepared her to do the last rites. Explained all the procedures and their meaning. She obeyed them peacefully. Sibi's departure affected my kid a lot in many ways. Sibi was her best friend, best play mate and her love. The emptiness due to the absence of her dearest "amma" is something which cannot be re-filled by anyone else.

In-short, my difficult days started from April 11th. In one of the post-ventilator days sibi said what all things are going to happen if she goes early. And, they are happening now! It is great to see the reality of this world.

I know this note has become very long. May be I had gone to un-necessary details. I just wrote it as it came to my mind. Once again, my sincere apologies to everyone if I had hurt you in anyway during the course of treatment, and for the disconnect happened after Sibi's departure. Thank everyone for showering all your support and prayers even now.

I am not frequent FB user, but still just leave a note or call my mobile. Will update this FB page occasionally. We are more than happy to connect with you all.

Thanks and regards
Reghu"

15 To Do Things to improve Life

15 things that may be hard to do, but could change your life forever By Rachel Gillett made an interesting read and thought it worth sharing with all.

What makes someone uncomfortable depends on the person, but what's universally true is the value of recognizing boundaries and continually pushing them.

Here are some uncomfortable things that help us grow:

1. Question everything

"The most uncomfortable thing one can do is to question everything that is taken for granted and seek answers," writes Malli Gurram. "Try to see the other side of the norm."

2. Be 100% honest

Being the most honest you've ever been with someone in your life will be one of the most uncomfortable things you can do, Ryan Brown says, but it could also be the most valuable.

To do this, he suggests writing a list of all the people to whom you have something — good or bad — to say, writing down the honest feelings you need to convey to them in a letter, handing the person the letter, and writing down what happened and how the experience affected you and the other person.

"If you're being really honest, each letter you write should make you quite emotional as you are writing it," Brown writes. "That is how you know you have tapped into your actual emotions and feelings — that it actually means something to you."

"Don't forget what you have learned from the experience," he suggests. "Let it be with you forever."

3. Meditate

Oftentimes, slowing down and finding inner calm can be especially difficult for those of us who are constantly on the go and thinking of the next things we need to do.

But as Nathan Hershey points out, the benefits can include enhancing your cognitive capacity, emotional intelligence, and overall self-discipline.

4. Wake up extremely early

Ekin Öcalan loves to wake up before sunrise because it provides the perfect study-and-work environment. Waking at 5 a.m., while everyone else sleeps, is the perfect, albeit challenging, way to begin the day in silence, he writes.

5. Do something creative

"Many people say they want to be creative. Then they go home and binge watch TV episodes on Netflix while drinking red wine," Mark Toole writes.

While fear of rejection and failure are powerful demotivators, having a creative outlet can do wonders for our bodies and minds. What's more, "keeping your work to yourself also guarantees that nobody else will ever love it," Toole notes.

6. Watch your pennies

Keep track of every penny you spend, from auto repairs and life insurance to coffee and french fries, for several months, suggests Bruce A McIntyre.

And try paying for everything you can with cash. "If you have to reach in your wallet and pull out cash, you will often think twice about how much you need something."

You'd be surprised how much debt you can pay off when you literally watch your pennies.

7. Volunteer

Gurram suggests volunteering for a nonprofit or doing selfless deeds. Volunteering can make you feel like you're part of something big, Gurram says, using volunteer experience with TEDx as an example.

"It was such an overwhelming feeling I had on the big day, being part of the community," Gurram says.

8. Track what you eat

Keeping track of all the food you eat and all the exercise you do in a day can be challenging, butTina Marshall says using her MyFitnessPal app helped her see the harm she was doing to her body.

"I didn't realize how little of some nutrients I was getting and how much sugar and fat I was getting daily until I started to do this regularly," she writes.

9. Eat only nutritious food

After you track your food, start eating only what is truly nutritious — Doug Whitney says this will change your life forever.

"The short answer here is to prepare your own food, eat organic as much as possible — yes, it's expensive, but it's cheaper than the medical bills and lost performance — focus on lean meats and veggies, avoid grains (they're disastrous for most of us), and when you do eat something that isn't good for you, notice the difference in how you feel. This is key!"

He says this will be uncomfortable for a number of reasons: It's hard; it's socially limiting; it can be more expensive if you are used to eating off the dollar menu; it's not as tasty when you start, and it takes more time.

But he says the outcome is 100% worth the effort. "Being a weird health nut and outperforming everyone else is so much more fun than blending in — and that's not just athletically. It's mentally as well."

10. Practice public speaking

It may be scary to think about, but you never know when you may be called upon to speak in public. Practice, while daunting, is the key to improving your communication skills.

Gurram recommends joining a nearby Toastmasters group or an improv group in your city: "It's scary as hell until you realize that everyone around you feels the same."

11. Talk to someone new

"See someone you're interested in? Go talk to them," Toole suggests. "The worst that can happen is an epically catastrophic rejection, which gives you something funny to talk about. That and increased confidence in your abilities next time."

12. Leave your phone in your pocket

"How many times have you checked your phone while reading this? The last time you were at a restaurant or bar, how many times did you pull out your phone to look something up?" Toole asks.

There's something to be said of taking a digital detox and allowing our minds to wander. Rather than reaching for our phones when we're bored, research suggests that leaning into boredom can help make us more productive, goal-oriented, and creative.

Plus, it's just good manners when you're in social settings.

13. Pick just one thing to master at a time

Your approach to self-betterment might be trying as many things as possible and seeing what works. But Rob Hanna says using the opposite tactic, though uncomfortable, is key.

"Intention is the key to mastery," Hanna writes. He explains this requires calling your shots and hitting them.

"The problem with most improvement seekers in life is that they really don't know what they're looking for, and then they keep casting about capriciously for the next new thing."

If you're constantly changing interests, he says, you're never going to discover your own internal progress. "So pick one thing and become progressively committed to mastering it. It doesn't matter what it is, anything will do, as long as you do."

14. Accomplish an almost impossible goal

The most uncomfortable thing you can do, according to Rizwan Aseem, is to set and achieve a goal that's harder than something you've ever done before.

To do that, he suggests you think about a thing you're comfortable doing every day and amplify it until you get to a point where you become really scared of doing it. If you run a mile every day, the idea of running seven might terrify you. Set this as your one-year goal.

"The hardest part is to actually go out there and take the actions steps that will help you achieve this goal," he writes.

"You will have to use all your mental and physical strength to actually get yourself to achieve this goal. But here's the thing: Something very cool happens in your mind, your physiology, your internal makeup when you actually do this. You become invincible. You will be able to set any goal for yourself and then achieve it."

15. Seek help

"I think the most uncomfortable yet healthy thing you can do is go to therapy," writes Sam Ham. "There, those defenses you've been utilizing for years, or perhaps decades, may be exposed, and it can be incredibly difficult to realize that you (and those you love or hate) are not necessarily who you thought."

As Business Insider previously reported, roughly one in every five Americans, or about 43 million people, suffers from mental illness, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. About 60% of us received no treatment in the past. With cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), people start to change their thoughts, which in turn can cause behavior changes.

"Learning that you, and those around you, are not so black and white and absolute can be, at the very least, uncomfortable and disorienting. And practicing awareness, acceptance, and forgiveness can be a rigorous and exhausting chore," Ham writes. "But damn, it's so worth it."

Fight and Peace

People always want something to keep them going ...whatever, wherever, however.

This is the law of nature..how human beings are created...siblings and spouse fight among themselves..but for a bigger cause they come together Neighbouring states within the same country cant tolerate each other, they fight for water. Then there is no wonder if two neighbouring countries are in war for the most beautiful place.

And if there is a world war..the neighbouring countries may come together..as they have during 1 and 2 And if life is found in another planet...and they come to fight with us..everybody on earth will be together....

First it was strike in Banglore for Water - Kavary - fire for water.

Then after that the news on Sept 30th:

"Hitting back at Pakistan following its failure to act against terror, the Indian Army today said it conducted surgical strikes targeting several terror launch pads in Pakistan Occupied Kashmir last night.
The announcement was made at a press conference held by the Ministry of External Affairs and the Defence Ministry.
“Indian Army conducted surgical strikes on terror launch pads on the LoC, significant casualties have been caused,” DGMO Lt Gen Ranbir Singh said.

"Heavy damages have been caused to terrorists, many of them have been killed," the DGMO added.

The motive of this operation was to hit out at the terrorists who were planning to infiltrate into our territory, the DGMO added.

"Indian armed forces ready for any contingency. As of now we have no plans of further operations," he said.

Its so sad this enemity has lasted for so many years. At places all live in harmony and every religion respected. Wish this was the case back on the border too.

If a child is beaten again and again for no reason one day it will revert this is case we did yesterday...it's normal human nature..it is for that human to understand who is beating the child and the beaten.

Restraint is the reason why India made so much progress while Pakistan and Bangladesh are lagging so far behind. I hope things stop here.

India has never targeted civilians or their soldiers. They killed Uri soldiers in their sleep. Cowards had to be given at least this much.Pakistan? or whoever has been continuously attacking us at Taj, parliment, airport...US attack in sept, London attack in July and Taj Mumbai attack in Nov are just a few glimpses.

Cannot think of another war. God we pray for peace. Om Shanthi! Shanthi! Shanthi!

Mindfulness

Isn't it interesting to know that we tend to judge others by their behaviour and ourselves by our intentions.

We tend to miss attention/focus on important things, and try to find time to rectify them.

Interest in mindfulness led to the creation in 2007 of the “Search Inside Yourself” program, which focuses on three development areas:

Attention training. This entails becoming aware of your attention, and when you lose it, learning to bring it back to the task at hand. Attention training leads to attention endurance, or the ability to singularly focus for longer periods of time.

Self-knowledge. This is the ability to view yourself objectively, without ego, and to better understand your strengths and weaknesses.

Creation of mental habits. This training teaches your brain how to behave in different ways, yielding more discipline and greater willpower.

Be mindful of yourself, and things around you.

Matilda by Roald Dahl

It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still thibk that he or she is wonderful.

Some parents go further. They become so blinded by adoration they manage to convince themselves their child has qualities of genius.
Well there is nothing wrong with all this. It's the way of the world.

Matilda Wormwood's father is a mean crooked crook and mother plain stupid. They think Matilda is a nuisance who should watch more TV and read fewer books! But her lovely teacher Miss Honey thinks Matilda is a genius. Indeed she is not only in arithmetic and literature but also very practical of life and down to earth at age 5.

With her ability to move things with sight she manages to put straight headmistress Trunchbull who is alsi Ms. Honey aunt by writing on the blackboard:

"Agata this is Magnus, give my Jenny back her house and wages.."

Finally when her parents decide to move to spain, she decides to stay back with Honey.

Wish I had some magical power and capability like Matilda.

Anthropologist explains why we cheat on people we love

YouTube/TED Talks) - Thought of sharing this, as it happened to answer many of the open questions, from Krishna to modern day perfect partners.

Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has a pretty perfect description of what it's like to be in love with someone:

Simply put, she says, that person becomes the center of the world. You have an intense craving to be with that person, not just sexually, but emotionally. You can list the things you don't like about them, but all that gets pushed aside and you focus only on what you do like about them.

"It's an obsession," Fisher said in TED Talk called "Why we love, why we cheat."

What's going on biologically, though, is far less romantic, and it explains why we sometimes cheat on those we love.

Romantic love is essentially just elevated activity of the reward hormone dopamine in the brain.

In the TED talk Fisher explains an experiment where she and a team of scientists scanned the brains of people who were in love. The team showed the smitten person a neutral photo and then a photo of their beloved. They recorded which regions of the brain were active while the person gazed at the photo of their partner.

The researchers found that one of the most important brain regions that became active when each person looked at a photo of their partner is the reward system — the same brain area that lights up when a person takes cocaine or has an orgasm.

That means that "romantic love is not an emotion, it's a drive," Fisher said. "And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive."

Many other studies have found the same thing: love operates as a motivation and reward system in the brain. So, if love is rewarding, what drives us to cheat on people we fall in love with?

The problem is that romantic love isn't the only brain system that is activated when we fall for someone. There are actually three brain systems related to love, Fisher explained.

There's the sex drive, which is like an "intolerable neural itch," to get us out searching for a range of partners to help pass on our genes. There's romantic love, which helps us focus our mating energy on one person. And then there's attachment, the calm and security we feel with a long-term partner so we can raise children with them as a team.

However, those three brain systems, sex drive, romantic love, and attachment, aren't always connected to each other.

So it's possible to feel deep attachment to a long-term partner at the same time you feel intense romantic love toward someone else and even also feel sexual attraction toward another person, Fisher said.

"In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time," Fisher said.

And that's why, Fisher says, some people may cheat on their partner.

It's why someone can lay in bed at night thinking about deep feelings of attachment to one person and swing to thoughts of romantic love for another person.

"It's as if there's a committee meeting going on inside your head as you try to decide what to do," Fisher said. "I don't think honestly that we're an animal that was built to be happy — we're an animal that was built to reproduce. I think the happiness we find, we make."

This all sounds like a cynical take on love, but Fisher says that, despite all these straightforward and unavoidable biological processes, there's still mystery and "magic to it."

M.S. Dhoni: The Untold Story

Not a biopic but a Hagiography, with all controversies kept aside, no villain, everyone in school and friends ready to help, but as in every typical Indian family, parent's wanting kid to concentrate on studies. Dhoni did not have a brother in the movie. Quite inspiring with the message too - keep trying, never give up and there could be second chances. (both with career and love life). I was bowled by Herry Tangri who played Yuvraj Singh, felt him to be real Yuvi. Sushant Singh Rajput and all others were excellent and have done complete justice to their roles. A good watch.

Pink

'No' is not just a word, it is a sentance. Obviously feeling thoughtful and disturbed watching the awesome threesome single ladies from Delhi: Minal (Taapsee), Falak (Kirti) and Andrea parallelly with Rajveer (Angad), Dumpy (Raashul), and Vishwa (Tushar) - Advocated by Deepak (Amitabh) and Prashant (Piyush); judged reasonably by Dhritiman supported by all well enacted cops, family, friends. Thankfully we find people of all shades here with great attention to details. A job well done by hindi debutant Bengali director Aniruddha Roy Chowdhiry, written by Ritesh Shah and produced by Rashmi Sharma; Are the ladies bound to follow the rules for ladies mentioned by Deepak? If yes then where is equality?

Ajay Mehra's and Deepak Sehgal's come to rescue only in movies. But in real life crimes worser than that shown in movies happen and we keep wondering who keep funding and protecting Govind Chamis and the conspirators behind the very act? Where is the Kalki to protect the society?

'The Rule Book of the Girls' Safety Manual' - a part of Amitabh Bachchan's speech in the courtoom scenes; cover the below:
1) Don't stay out late

"Hamare Yahan Ghadi ki sui character decide karti hai."
Women who come home late at night are often misconceived as having loose morals. What's more, women are often told that if they stay out so late, they are "bound to face harassment."

2)Don't drink with boys

"Kisi bhi ladki ko ladke ke saath baith kar sharaab nahi peeni chahiye. Kyuki agar who aisa karti hai toh ladke ko yeh indicate hota ki agar ladki mere saath sharaab pee sakti toh who mere saath sone ke liye bhi katrayegi nahi."

No one bats an eyelid at inebriated men in India. When a woman drinks, however, she simply invites trouble because she is branded as being 'available', or so we are told to believe.

3) Don't spend time with boys

"Kisi bhi ladki ko kisi bhi ladke ke saath kahin bhi akele jana nahi chahiye. Kyuki aisa karne se log assume kar lete hain ki wo apni willingly waha par aayi hai aur unhe use touch karne ya use choone ka license issue kar diya hai."

How often have you been told not to go out with boys?

A woman travelling alone raises eyebrows and is quickly followed by remarks ranging from safety warnings to the 'what-will-people-say' remarks.

If you choose to visit a religious spot with a boy, it is fine, but going to a club will make you the subject of condemnation.

Society is quick to judge on the basis of the people you hang out with. Whether they really know anything about you or not doesn't really matter to them.

4) Don't be independent

"Shehar mein ladkiyon ko alag nahin rehna chahiye, akele nahin rehna chahiye. Ladke reh sakte hai par ladkiyaan nahi. Independent ladkiyan ladkon ko confuse kar deti hai"

Independent women who live alone must have a loose character. Women only move out of their houses to get married. Any diversion from this is proof that she has ulterior motives. Or so society believes. The same society that makes fun of men for living with their parents.

5) Don't smile when you talk to boys:

"Kisi bhi ladki ko ladki ko kisi bhi ladke se hans-hans ke baat nahi karni chahiye, kyunki wo usse hint samjh lega."

Emotional Intelligence

Yet another interesting training session from Sudeepta Banerjee.

Exercise:

1)Strike Six Letters to form one Word:
B S A I N X L E A T N T E A R S

2)Write down, Your Name, Role, and one Emotion you display the most

3)Questions to give you a general idea of how much you know about being EI. Choose the option which reflects what you would do in the situation. Give your score as – 1 Strongly disagree, 2 Disagree, 3 Neither Agree Nor Disagree, 4 Agree and 5 Strongly Agree


Why and What is EI

From the thalamus, a part of the stimulus goes directly to the amygdala while another part is sent to the neocortex or "thinking brain". (An Amygdala Hijack is an immediate and overwhelming emotional response out of proportion to the stimulus because it has triggered a more significant emotional threat. The amygdala is the part of our brain that handles emotions. During an Amygdala Hijack, the amygdala "hijacks" or shuts down the neo-cortex.)
EI Helps us to:
Influence
Empathies
Self control (how we respond)
Accurate Self Assessment
Self Confidence
Emotional Self Awareness
EI Effects:
Performance at work
Physical health
Mental health
Relationship

It provides awareness and ability to manage our emotions in a healthy and productive manner.
IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted or fired.
Rational Vs. Emotional

EI Competency: Can be divided into four - quadrants - Self/Social & Recogniton/Regulation

1) SELF AWARENESS (Self Recogniton)
Recognize and understand moods, emotions and drives

2)SOCIAL AWARENESS (Social Recognition)
Pick up on external crises; works if we have empathy, Organizational awareness and is service oriented

3) SELF MANAGEMENT (Self Regulation)
Control or redirect disruptive emotions or impulses. Think before act. Self control, adaptability

4) RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT (Social Regulation)
Building network. Inspirational leadership, develop others, influence, change catalyst, conflict management, Bld. Bonds, Team work and collaboration


Practice EI Competency
1) SELF AWARENESS (Self Recogniton)
Learn difference between thought and feeling
Ask how you feel and be honest
Be open to input from others

2)SOCIAL AWARENESS (Social Recognition)
Look for non verbal areas and verbal ones
Share and be honest about your feelings
Be consistent – match spoken and unspoken words.
Be Kind – where ever possible
See from other persons perspective

3) SELF MANAGEMENT (Self Regulation)
Monitor your self talk
Reframe an irritating situation into a problem solving exercise
Use Humour
Deep Breath – Never Underestimate
Remove yourself from the situation and keep moving

4) RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT (Social Regulation)
Share your passion and enthusiasm for the job and the organization it is contagious
Create an inspiring work environment
Engage in creative brainstorming
Be willing to coach or mentor others and be open to being coached yourself!

EI – Key Skills

Quickly reduce stress
Recognize and manage your emotions
Connect with others using non verbal communication
Use humor and plan to deal with challenges
Resolve conflicts positively and with confidence

This is done by:
Perceiving
Understanding
Facilitating
Managing

Some Techniques:

The Ventilation Fallacy
a) Deep Breaths
b) Go for a walk
c) Refresh Thoughts

Don’t Brood, Distract
Exercise
a) Complete small tasks
b) Reframe the situation
c) Help others

The Artful Critique

a) Give proper constructive feedback
b) Specific, with solution preferably face to face
c) Show empathy

Set the Emotional Tone


Exercise 1:
Realize when you were stressed
Identify the stress response
Discover and use the stress busting technique that works best for you
Develop emotional awarness
Non – Verbal communication
Exercise 2:
List your team members – family/office
Identify what triggers stress level of them
Identify the stress busters
Exercise 3:
Take away – To do from the training

One Small Step; One Giant Mess - Ice Age

Well it could have been the fifth film of the series, but for us it was the first. Scrat's epic pursuit of the elusive acorn catapults him into the universe where he accidentally sets off a series of cosmic events that transform and threaten the Ice Age World. To save themselves, Sid, Manny, Diego, and the rest of the herd must leave their home and embark on a quest full of comedy and adventure, travelling to exotic new lands and encountering a host of colorful new characters.

Happy to see Neil jumping on his seat, and full of laught.

Don't Dis your Ability

Are you Anxious? - Remove anxiety.

Being lonely and being alone are different; don't be afraid. Ensure you have

1 Peace
2 health -, physical therpy
3 financial security

When you are hurt, pain would stay; We are not computers without any feelings, Things change from one day to another, Be prepared. People cannot treat counterparts like garbage.

It was nice to hear B.K. Shiva from Brahmakumari's - talk -

"Acceptance, approval and appreciation is what everyone need.

Criticism, ridicule, is not what people want.

Counselor is a profession because they are ready to listen They are non judgemental .. Bonding and love is with parents

Don't resend and reject anyone who has made a mistake what is needed is support and healing as they are in pain. When advise don't work in physical pain it would not work during emotional pain.

Say you understand... Say you are right, your feeling is so natural... Give people the willingness to come and share with you everything... As every soul needs acceptance... They go to where they get acceptance.. Say I am ready to hear the truth. Focus on solution... Say whatever has to happen has happened.. Our role is to empower people... Not to judge or correct them.. They are already in pain and hurt...
"

Don't let your self down. Yet another inspiring TED Talk by Muniba Mazari; Muniba Mazari Is an Artist and a Motivational Speaker. Muniba Mazari Baloch participated as a motivational speaker at various conferences and forums. She is also a fellow Piscean, and works as an anchor at PTV, the first wheelchair-bound anchor, and also the first wheelchair-bound model for the prestigious Toni&Guy in Pakistan and the brand ambassador for The Body Shop in Pakistan, and one of the Ponds Miracle Women also working as brand ambassador for "Chughtai Lab". She met with and accident at the age of 21 and was bound to wheel chair.

"A person who fight with self, with a big smile on face is a warriors - When we are in difficulty, many people leave, one who are supposed to stay with us including - Life becomes pointless, aimless, powerless - Instead of crying for the people who are not meant to be with us, for what is lost - stop cribing, stop crying - Add colours to your life - Let art keep you alive - from adversity. People don't have time - Make yourself financially strong, become professional. Life becomes easy - Be happy, Be contant - Keep aiming for higher goals.

Some things shake us from inside, we feel devistated. Change the persception .....Tell people you are happy as you are - we have souls, we are alive - let us live - don't dis our ability. Explore what you have. You are not caged, you have a soul, a mind free - aspire to inspire, nothing should stop you. Have big dreams, plans. Be grateful for what you have , and you will have more. Don't cry and crib, Excel, grow, convert adversity into opportunity. Don't let anyone dis your abilities.

Life is a test, when you were born, you did not know how difficult it would be. Through her work and life story, Ms Mazari aspires to inspire those who lose hope. The only message she gives to the world is that 'You are the hero of your own life story and heroes Never Give Up!'."

Life is a matter of priority - Friendship/Relationship is precious

Life is a matter of priority. What is ones priority, vary from person to person; so also the way they deal with it. For each their own.

Nothing last forever. One needs to find time, to maintain their relationship. Life goes on, and if we get into the bog of it, there is no comming out.

It is a personal choice, we need to move in circle, keep moving ahead, or a mix of both. For some - parents and siblings are important, for others spouse and children, for some friends and foreign lands, or for others career. Some enjoy having reunions, while others consider it to be a waste of time. It is a matter of choice, preferances.

It takes love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship and faith to make relations last. People of same wavelength, of similar taste come closer, get together well, have many things to share. Even if the job, people around, try to break them, if their bonding is stong, nothing will break it. It is not a matter of being thick skinned - no matter how the society take it, or people talk about it.

When nobody can take away your pain, never let anybody take away your Happiness! Be Cool and Happy.

Remember - If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. No plan is bigger or above his divine plan.

Religious Conversion? Unrest

Nothing new, but very painful indeed. We are all born human, why can’t we leave and live as one?

As many as 16 young Muslims went missing from Kerala over the past one month and some of them may have sent messages to their parents that they have joined the Islamic State, sources said on Saturday.Most of them were from the districts of Kasaragod and Palakkad and sources said the group included seven couples and two children.Security agencies suspect they may joined the terrorist outfit Islamic State (IS) in Iraq and Syria.

It seems they have send a message to their family members saying "We are not coming back. Here there is Divine Rule. You also should join us" read one of the messages while the other message said, "We have joined IS to fight US for attacking Muslims", Mustafa said. The veracity of these messages are yet to be checked.

Thinking is the highest mental activity present in man. suddenly aristocratic, upper-caste Hindu Kamala Das, lover of Sree Krishna(Hindu God), descendant of rajas, decides to embrace Islam.. On 16 December 1999,at the age of 65, amidst a storm of controversy, in a one minute home ceremony, she converts……She said - Life has changed for me since Nov. 14 when a young man named Sadiq Ali walked in to meet me. He is 38 and has a beautiful smile.
In her novels and autobiography she wrote much about eroticism and the need of sex for woman… She married at age of 15 to a 35 year old man, and literally got raped in the first night.. We have to believe that she wasn't satisfied by her husband and she was yearning for true love…. That's why after her husband's death, when sadiq came into her life she easily gave up …But sadiq was determined to convert kamla to Islam by playing the love saga.. It has to be believed that he has got mental and physical support in playing the role . He never loved her truly, but he just wants to convert her to Islam… It was clearly a sign of LOVE JIHAD…. Yes, Kamala das was one of the earliest victim of love Jihad, which is still happening in kerala. According to Government records about 9000 Hindu girls got converted to islam by falling prey to the false love of muslim boys. Most of them undergone through the same fate of Kamla Das.
Later, Madhavikutty(Kamla) felt it was not worth it to change one's religion and said "I fell in love with a Muslim after my husband's death. He was kind and generous in the beginning. But I now feel one shouldn't change one's religion. It is not worth it.".

But It was Too Late for her ,for another conversion back to Hinduism . She lived and died rest of her life as a Muslim painfully….

People go to any extend, to convert you. The most divne form – in the name of love to fear.
There are so many people walking around, trying to preach and prove Christianity is only right.

And even within them, there are so many differences of opinions. When will we stop fighting, and realise that we are all one?

Malarvaadi Arts Club

A lovely tribute to friendship is Malarvaadi Arts Club the 2010 Malayalam film directed by Vineeth Sreenivasan in his directorial debut, and produced by Dileep.

The story is about the life of 5 friends Prakashan,Santhosh,Purushu,Praveen and Kuttuin from a small village called Manissery. Prakashan (Nivin Pauly) has a fiery temperament; he would do anything for the people he loves, for the cause he believes in. In a moment of financial crisis, Kumaran (Nedumudi Venu) (their mentor who formed malarvadi club) makes the group take up music once again. On the way, the best singer Santhosh (Shraavan) in the group gets a chance to attend a reality show and once he emerges the champion,which is followed by misunderstandings, separation and a grand reunion in the end.

It is a simple story that unveils at a leisurely pace and often, in a disturbingly and predictable way; Nedumudi Venu has a brief but relevant role. Kumaran's desire to see 5 of them together, make me think of my grandfather - how every parents would want to see their children together always; and even someothers who are not just parents but more than parents.

Indeed a thought provoking movie.

The Year I Met You - Cecelia Ahern

Jasmine loves two things: her sister Heather and her work. And when her work is taken away she has no idea who she is.

Matt loves two things: his family and the booze. Without them he hits rock bottom.

One New Year's Eve, their path collide. Both have time on their hands: both are at crossroads. But as the year unfolds, through moonlit nights and suburban days, an unlikely friendship slowly starts to blossom.

Memories do not last for ever, fresh memories erase off the old ones. Thinking out of control Jasmine turned into gardening to maintain control, thinking it would bend to her will, but realised that it will not. If we try to grow where something, even a part of us has died, we will experience sickness. It is better to move, uproot overselves and start afresh; then we will flourish. Miracles only grow where you plant them.

We do not know the other person, we do not know anything about their life, but if the person is not lonely in your company.

Which is the better song? " Paradise City" or " Love is a Battlefield".

Often the slow pace of change can be painful, lonely and confusing, but without us realising it happening, it happens. But it is thanks to the slowness that we remember the journey, we reserve the sense of where we were, where we are going and why. Destination completely unknown, we can value the crossing.

This wasn't just my journey, this wasn't just about me falling down and a man rescuing me, though I did trip and you fell and love did happen for me and was mended and repaired for you. This is about you and me, our fall and rise with the seasons, and about what happened when one door closed for both of us. I don't know if I would be this woman now if it weren't for you, and you may not even think you did anything. Most people in life don't have to actively do anything to change us, they simply need to be. I reacted to you. You affected me. You helped me. You were the oddest friendship, the kindest loaned ear.

You gave me your key. You did the same. I helped you help me, you helped me to help you, that's the way it must be or the very idea of help would be obsolete. I always thought that being helped was a loss of control, but you must allow someone to help you, you must want someone to help you, and only then can the act begin.

We are constantly evolving; I suppose I have always known that, but because I always knew that, I feared stopping, and it is ironic that it was only when I finally stopped that I moved the most. I know now that we never truly stop, our journey is never complete, because we will continue to floursih - just as when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfuly.

Sairat

Was glad to get hold of a Marathi movie after long. But the end, made me keep thinking. Why do we make a weekend not very good by watching such movies? If at all we knew - but then this is the harsh reality of life.

Sairat is a romantic story of two young couple - the usuall - rich girl, poor brilliant boy; but here from different cast. The first half is full of songs and beautiful cinematography. What happens when the immatured children run after their love is well depicted. But the end was a shock; and it took me some time to come out of it; seeing the baby walk - without any background music.

Udta Punjab

A thought provoking weekend, with a thought provoking movie. Not just Punjab, but this is the harsh reality of our country and the world today.Some are flying high, while others are infants, but none of them are free states. Hats off to Abhishek Chaubey and Sudip Sharma for daring to bring this forward. It's a kinda documentary/drama film so don't expect 'Jab we Met' if you wanna view.

Great performance by Shahid, Dilji, Kareena but above all Alia. We have stories of each of them running in parallel; while Shahid-Pop singer Tommy , Alia - Ex. District hockey player and field worker, and Dilji's younger brother a student are waging a fight against use of drug; Kareena a doctor and Dilji an Assistent Inspector are fighting against the society and it's supply; and of the two fights; Kareena say - the former is important to be won.

Wish there is an end to the use of this.

Elections

May 16th was election day; where we to vote or was it just another holiday?

Was not sure whom to vote for; the same false promises - was something really being done, or were we just moving like a pedulum, from left to right? Well this time we did have some one else as well in kerala; for for the first time did the lotus bloom here.

People come and go, parties come and go, problems remain. Any sensible Indian would agree that beef, jeans and skirts, Love marriages, westernisation, celebrating birthdays are not our problem.

We still have the age old problems persesting; that of inequality, poverty, casteism, unemployment, communalism, superstition, health system, coruption, infrastructure, sex ration, population explosion, crime accountability, literacy and education, black money, angry organisation etc.

Right is might, but no one ever wins if they do not fight. If you belive you are right, then stand up and fight for your place in the sun. If you belive you can do, hang in, if you do not win, you will earn the respect of everyone in the fight, including yourself, and in that sense you will have prevailed.

Being blessed with democracy it is our duty to vote, I have done mine. But there are still some more duty, which I neither have the energy not the ability to take up, wish and pray that I could do something.

The Year we got closer

She was confused and surprised, yet glad that he asked her out for a movie a year before; with mother. This was for the first time, someone had actually done that; and so it was completely a new experience for her. Sometimes we need someone to simply be there, not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported; this is what she felt.

People come to one’s life for a reason, a season or for a lifetime; he had just completed one season of his life, and was on the bridge to the other; presumably he was just looking out for someone to fill the interim void or was that an invitation for genuine friendship only time would say.

They did not have anything much in common. A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation; doesn’t always need togetherness. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part; this is what she believed; initially when he got busy on reaching the other end of the bridge; not realising that the season was over. Though there was a gap in the new year; things appeared to be in place after three months.

By the end of a year, they realised, they have nothing to speak about. Life is not just about movies, and restaurants; and he was not interested in discussing his personal life and dreams; while she kept wondering, why men who respect women are mostly single? People who have been single are so independed and self-sufficient that it takes something extraordinary to convince them that they need you in their life. He would start telling about his professional problems, and stop in between, presuming it is not right to discuss them; leaving her in a dilemma. It is a psychological fact that people are generally more honest when physically tired; this is why people confess things during late night conversations. Next day; they would think why at all was it discussed?

At the end of a year, he was confused; and she was still confused and surprised. Stress, anxiety and depression are caused when we are living to please other, but they did not have to go through that here, as they were themselves; and had not put on masks to please other.

She still had lot of respect for him, for his passion, for his will, for the fight he took up for himself and others. His company made her happy, but she knew it would most probably be at its dawn. She did not know what had to be done, and because he wanted to work without distractions. So was she becoming a distraction now? She kept thinking about her friends warnings to be away from him.

Then she read Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg's explanation of life and death; especially on death that she realised after her husband Dave passed away. Most of us at one point or the other have to face loss of opportunity or adversity - in job, with health, with love and sometimes with life itself. We need to remember 3P's.

1. Pesonalization - Not everything that happens to us happens because of us.
2. Pervasiveness - The event will effect all areas of our life, there is nor running away,
3. Permanence - That nothing lasts for ever.

There are only two types of pain: The one that hurts you and the other that changes you.

If you care too much, forgive too much, in the end you get hurt too much. When you care for someone more than they deserve, you get hurt more than you deserve. Everyone is going to hurt you, you need to find the worth suffering for. It’s better to be alone; nobody can hurt you.

To the questions in your life, you are the only answer; to the problems in your life you are the only solution. If you are able to find them; and mould them to make you a better person; keep you positive, the pain would be worth going through. It would change you, make you stronger.

Finding gratitude and appreciation is the key to resilience. Live life, each day of it, with joy and meaning, without pain and with gratitude at each step.

Don’t depend too much on anyone. Everyone changes with time, with new people. Never assume that somebody loves you by their sweetness. Sometimes you are just an option. Some people are truly great manipulators. They can lie, cheat, treat you badly and somehow manage to make it all seem like your fault. Don’t fall for it.

Choices, Chances and Changes are basic reminders of life…We need to make a Choice, to take a Chance, otherwise our life will never Change…!!!

It takes love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship and faith in your relationship to make it last. Probably this did not have them all.

We need to Learn how to:
• Have fun without drinks
• Talk without cellphone
• Dream without drugs
• Smile without selfies
• Love without conditions

Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you. Remember, there is no market for our emotions, Keep up the positive attitude.

Stakeholder Management

Thanks to Sudeeptha from Transandix for a wonderful training session - both the trainer and training were captivating:


Any person, group or organisation who is affected by our work, would be our stakeholder.

For the project for which we are the Project Manager; our stakeholder could be:
 Project/programme team
 Shareholder or investor
 Public Interest group
 Government
 Community
 Upper Management
 Mid Management
 PM’s Manager
 End user
 Non Team Member
 Client owners
 Suppliers
 Internal & External Consultant.

Top 5 Qualities of Tom Kosnik and his stakeholders; where plotted on a graph, and an assessment was plotted of once own performance and that of the stakeholder. These can be jotted as a web, and linked to match the preferences.

 Integrity at the centre
 Chemistry/Sense of Humour
 Perspective/Humility
 Empathy
 Cooperation/Commitment
 Responsiveness
 Reliable
 Fairness
 Competence
 Communication
 Vision
 Grace Under Pressure
 Entrepreneurship


Stakeholder Management Involves two parts:

Paret 1: Stakeholder Analysis

Stakeholder Analysis means mapping and analysing your stakeholders. This involves Identifying, Prioritising and Understanding the Stakeholder:

Basic Analysis can be done using the Power interest Grid, and placing the stakeholders in 4 quadrants, and plotting them, to know if they have high or low power and interest.

Power HPLI: Keep Satisfied HPHI: Manage Closely
LPLI: Monitor LPHI: Keep Informed
Interest


Stakeholders would fall under one of the below category:
a. Advocates
b. Supporters
c. Blockers
d. Critics
e. Neutral
We need to remove the blockers – especially those who are in high power/high interest grid.
General points – based on role play:
 Don’t assume you know customers’ needs
 Asking people’s opinion is the first step in building relationship
 To gain trust of one stakeholder, never let other stakeholders down (ego)
 Stakeholders are not interested in why it did not happen, they would want to know how it would happen
 Patience
 1st Build trust
 Don’t say we failed, say we messed up
 Don’t get overly submissive – apologise and move on.
 All questions are equally important, answer first questions first.
 Clients/stakeholder likes to be heard, so hear.
 Don’t micro manage.
 Did a great job – seek help.
 Ask right questions
 What is important is how you enquire and what you enquire
 Push back, don’t push yourself
 If the conversation is going nowhere – start another line of discussion


Part 2: Stakeholder Planning – involves communication strategies:

1. Plan your Approach :

This has to be done, before during and after the project –
 Seek opinions/ideas
 Discuss the positives
 Discuss the challenges

2. Think Through your stakeholders
 Desired support
 Desired Project Role
 Actions Desired

3. Identify the message you need to convey
To persuade them to support you and engage with your projects or goals show:
a. Show the benefits to the person or organisation of what you are doing
b. Focus on key performance like increasing profitability or delivering real improvement.

4. Identify Actions and communciations
Work out and focus on
 HP/HI stakeholders first
 LP/LI Last

Always remember to include communciation in your project plan.
Implementation
T - Trust
I - Inquiry
P - Patience/Push Back
S - Satisfy

Three pillars of a project are: Trust, Patience and Expectation.


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Stakeholders are those who have a 'Stake' (investment or interest) in the success or actions taken by an organization. They include shareholders, management, and their families, industry in which the organisation operates, customers, competitors, suppliers, business partners, future generation etc. Corporations maximise shareholders value through profit maximisation.

Social obligation must complement and not compete for profit maximization. Business apply social responsibility approach by adopting socially responsible practices that wil be a positive force for change and help improve the quality of people's lives. Organizations naturally encounter a number of challenges in attempts to be socially responsible. For example, insider trading, layoffs, diversity issues, advertising, employee privacy issues, environmental issues, competition and international operations.

Even for Strategic Planning Organisations perform stakeholder analysis which provides a framework for weighing all the various claims and stakeholder concerns so as to reach a socially responsible decision. It also helps an organization learn:
- How people feel about the organization and the industry it is in
- What issues the organization should rethink/reevaluate its position on
- What the organisation should do differently to improve its position.

Managing Conflicts

Thanks to Sudeeptha from Transandix for a wonderful training session - both the trainer and training were captivating:

Managing varied personalities to align their individual goals with that of the companies is crucial for the success of any business.
None of us is as good as all of us; Team itself means:
T- Together
E- Everyone
A-Achieve
M- More

Every team would have some dysfunctions, we need to confront and change them.
Inspire the team to thrive; use interpersonal skill to build effective teams. Be emotionally intelligent to be successful. Qualities for effective team are:

• Good interpersonal communication
• Clear Goals
• Relevant skills
• Mutual Trust
• Unified Commitment
• Internal & External support

Engaged Team is and Effective team; and every team would have the below team members – Engagement Matrix:
Information By Standars: Through 1X1’s need to understand key driving factor, and bring them to next level Champions: They are multitasking specialists, we need to start delegating daily and on-going jobs
Weaklinks: Need to provide on-going feedback pertaining to performance. May mostly need assisting, planning and organising their time and work. Loose Cannons: Need to sustain the commitment level, while working on the empowering knowledge
Commitment


The different roles people play are:
1) Action oriented role :- Give momentum to work.
2) People oriented role:- Bring in team spirit
3) Cerebral Roles:- Gives strategy and direction.

As per Belbin Associates – Team Role summary sheet; various Team-Role Descriptions are:
Team Role Contribution Allowable Weakness
Plant Creative, Imaginative, Unorthodox, solves difficult problems Ignores incidentals. Too Preoccupied to communicate effectively
Resource Investigator Extrovert, Enthusiastic, communicative. Explores opportunities. Develops contacts Over-optimistic. Loses interest once initial enthusiasm has passed.
Co-Ordinators Mature, Confident, good chairperson, clarifies goals, promotes decision-making, delegates well. Can be seen as manipulative. Offloads personal work.
Shaper Challenging, dynamic, thrives on pressure. The drive and courage to overcome obstacles. Prone to provocation. Offends people’s feelings.
Monitor Evaluator Sober, strategic and discerning. Sees all options. Judges accurately Lacks drive and ability to inspire others.
Teamworker Co-operative, mild, perceptive and diplomatic. Listens, builds, averts friction. Indecisive in crunch situations.
Implementer Disciplined, reliable, conservative and efficient. Turns ideas into practical actions Somewhat inflexible. Slow to respond to new possibilities.
Completer Finisher Painstaking, conscientious, anxious, Searches out errors and omissions. Delivers on time. Inclined to worry unduly. Reluctant to delegate.
Specialists Single-minded, self-starting, dedicated. Provides knowledge and skills in rare supply. Contributes on only a narrow front. Dwells on technicalities.


We need all of them, for different phases in a job viz:
Phase Role 1 Role 2
1) Need Identification Shaper Co-ordinator
2) Idea Generation Plant Resource Investigation specialist
3) Plans Monitor Evaluation
4) Contacts Resource Investigator Team worker
5) Organisation Implementer Co-ordinator
4) Follow Through Complete Finisher Implementor

Also the opposite roles are played by the below who can be very well buddied:
1. Shaper & Team worker
2. Resource investigator & Complete Finisher
3. Plant & Implementer
4. Co-ordinator & Specialist
5. Monitor Evaluator

The 5 Dysfunctions and the related role of a leader are:
Dysfunction Role of a Leader
Absence of Trust Be vulnerable (tell stories of failure without jeopardising own or organisations reputation)
Fear of Conflict Demand Debate. Demonstrate restraint when team members engage in conflict.
Lack of Commitment Force Clarity and Closure. Constantly push the group for closure around issues and adherence to schedule, the team has set.
Avoidance of Accountability Confront difficult issues. Be willing to serve as the ultimate arbitral of discipline when the team itself fail.
Inattention to Results Focus on collective outcome. Set the tone for a focus on result. Be selfless and reserve the R&R for those who make real contribution to achievement of group goals.

We need to learn from Geese – The lessons they teach are – Mutual respect, Courage & Encouragement:
• They stick together in a ‘V shaped’ formation
• 70% of the hit is taken by the first person.
• Different bird’s take leadership.
• Last one only glides.
• They all make noise during their flight.
• Empower – quality honking

We need to treat people as per their personality type. Give black smith treatment for Iron (touch) – and Diamond treatment for Coal (soft).

Migration

The universe is one being. Everything and everyone is interconnected through an invisible web of stories. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a silent conversation. Do no harm. Practise compassion. And do not gossip behind anyone’s back – not even a seemingly innocent remark! The words that come out of our mouths do not vanish, but are perpetually stored in infinite space, and they will come back to us in due time. One man’s pain will hurt us all. One man’s joy will make everyone smile.

We all look for comfort, stability, peace and happiness. But not all of us are blessed to have this. 93% of the people want to migrate from Syria, while 83% of people have been migrating into Lebanon, being host to refugees and asylum seekers mostly from Syria, and also from Palestine and Iraq.

The ongoing Syrian Civil War was inspired by the Arab Spring revolutions. It began in 2011 as a chain of peaceful protests, followed by a crackdown by the Syrian Army.In July 2011, army defectors declared the formation of the Free Syrian Army and began forming fighting units. The opposition is dominated by Sunni Muslims, whereas the leading government figures are Alawites. According to various sources, including the United Nations, up to 100,000 people had been killed by June 2013. To escape the violence, over 2.1 million Syrian refugees have fled to neighboring countries of Jordan, Iraq, Lebanon, and Turkey. An estimated 450,000 Syrian Christians have fled their homes. As the civil war has dragged on, there have been worries that the country could become fragmented and cease to function as a state.

A colleague of mine from Germany, what she does is:
"In my spare time I support refugees mainly from Syria, Afghanistan, Eritrea and Mali who come to Germany with nothing apart their clothes.
Beside organizing what is needed on a daily life basis I organize translaters for them, psychologist, doctor appointment.

My organization has set up a pool of volunteers who help them out by organizing and accompany them to doctor’s appointments as almost all of them are traumatized, especially the woman who got raped in many cases. But also the children who have often lost their mothera or their fathers on their journey.

Beside the organizational part I am in touch with the local press and the mayor to coordinate the public relations part – mainly to convince local citizens more people will help us on a voluntary basis but I also try to convince companies to donate fabric, curtains whatever is needed. Most of them are happy to help but it has to be coordinated as well.

I also organize the monthly meeting with 30 volunteers and are in touch with several institution to set up German classes for the once who have arrived without speaking any German, try to convince teachers to “restart” on a volunteer basis to teach some German. A lot of refugees have to wait up to a year until they get their final residence and are not allowed to work or even to move out of the district without an extra permission which is hard to get."

It is still not enough and it depresses me but you can finally not save the whole world. Over the years I was able to engage more and more people . The main issue those refugees have is that they are isolated. It is not about the money. They simple want to belong to our society and this starts with the language.

The past is an interpretation. The future is an illusion. The world does not move through time as if it were a straight line, proceeding from the past to the future. Instead time moves through us and within us, in endless spirals. Eternity does not mean infinite time, but simply timelessness. If you want to experience eternal illumination, put the past and the future out of your mind and remain within the present moment. The present moment is all there is and all that there will ever be.

When people migrate, they suffer more - of loss of property, hardship, harrasment and what not. When we are unable to hear of face them in a stable life, the plight of the migrants are unbearable.

POSH

Hell is the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present in this very moment. Every time we fall in Love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell. Is there a worse hell than the torment a man suffers when he knows deep down in his conscience that he has done something awfully wrong? Ask that man. He will tell you what hell is. Is there a better paradise than the bliss that descends upon a man at those rare moments in life, when the bolts of the universe fly open and he feels in possession of all the secrets of eternity and united with God? Ask that man. He will tell you what heaven is. - Says Elif Shafak, in her book the 40 Rules of Love.

Indeed we can see this around us now. On this mother earth, where mothers are Torn, tormented, terrified. Tired of reading news on how women are tortured. Will there be no end to this? Nirbhaya, Sowmya, Jisha - some of the known ones, and so many unknown ones. What the heck is happening now? Is there hands of corrupt politicians behind this, at this point in time when elections are round the corner? In Kerala, after Perumbavoor and Varkala it is Mannarkadu!! 8 year old girl by her father..!!! This is just getting worst day by day..We need some action...Why still nobody is bothered? Why don't we see Arnab's of the country talking about this?

At one end people leave in posh, when we really need POSH - Prevention of sexual harrasment. As said by Siddique in Amar Akbar Antony, very few of us know the pain and react, unless something really happen to us. It is high time, we put an end to this. Undoubtedly it is a taboo on the society and mankind.

If we try to look at why? wondering if it be because need to touch and be touched is one of the basic necessity which many cannot resist. In our society if a girl and a boy talk to each other or continuous to do so for two or three days, people start talking about them, and taking that relationship in the wrong sense. Am not claiming that all that is done in the west is correct, we do have our tradition's and values, and these are highly respected. But earlier tradition allowed some kind of relationship in Indian culture, which are prohibited now. So to fulfill the basic needs, which some are unable to resist, the cruel animal instinct creep into some human beings, and they act violently. They should be treated violently as well.

Sexual violence can come in many forms.

The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim.

Sexual assault victims may be forced through threats or physical means. In about 8 out of 10 sexual assaults, no weapon is used other than physical force. Anyone may be a victim of sexual assault: women, men or children, straight or gay.

So, how can you figure if what happened was rape? There are a few questions to consider.

There are three main considerations in judging whether or not a sexual act is consensual (which means that both people are old enough to consent, have the capacity to consent, and agreed to the sexual contact) or is a crime.

1) Are the participants old enough to consent? Each state sets an “age of consent,” which is the minimum age someone must be to have sex. People below this age are considered children and cannot legally agree to have sex. In other words, even if the child or teenager says yes, the law says no.

2) Do both people have the capacity to consent? States also define who has the mental and legal capacity to consent. Those with diminished capacity — for example, some people with disabilities, some elderly people and people who have been drugged or are unconscious — may not have the legal ability to agree to have sex.

3) Did both participants agree to take part? Did someone use physical force to make you have sexual contact with him/her? Has someone threatened you to make you have intercourse with them? If so, it is rape.

It is brutal, and strict action needs to be taken against those involved. The victim and their family get's into mental depression, and are at times sidelined by the society with a stigma attached, when it is they who need the support. Let us join hands to support them, and ensure that the people who carry out these atrocities are severely punished; to such an extend that those who hear about it, fear of ever thinking of doing such act.