Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Mood Swings

Recently one of my dear team members left our team, and the feedback she gave me, was my mood swing. Though I have always known about it, and have tried to control it; this time tried to research more on it. Thought of sharing my thoughts as it might help many.

Mood swings are distressing and mentally exhausting. It makes one react with extreme emotions and affect our mental peace and relationships. However, what is worse is that nobody seems to understand this state. It is easily dismissed as ‘that time of the month’; while we are left to experience the pain of feeling this way. Everyday. As difficult it is to explain someone that mood swings are not a choice or simple hormone play, it is also difficult to understand their core within ourselves. We fail to understand their cause and hence, there is no direction to work upon them. Some of the probable causes of mood swings include:

Stress each person has a different way of dealing with stress. Often we don’t realize that we are stressed but our over-worked mind find ways to exhale it through various ways. One of these ways is expressing the stress through mood swings.

Learnt behavior- you have seen people around you behaving with extreme emotions and perhaps, knowingly/ unknowingly learnt that pattern. It is difficult to change mood patterns and require conscious and effective behavior modification techniques.

Lack of sleep- proper and good sleep is essential to maintain the equilibrium of the mind. People who do not get enough and good sleep are tend to be irritable and exhausted.

Depression- depression is wrongly related to only sadness. Some people experience depression through anger and irritability and phases of sadness, anger and happiness is a common symptom.

Bipolar Disorder- extreme phases of sadness and happiness can be a symptom of Bipolar Disorder. While mood swings are common, extreme mood swings need to be considered as a symptom. Perhaps, sometimes knowing the cause is not enough. No matter how hard one tries to control one’s emotions, the phases continue to occur.

Although it is not a cakewalk but some of the ways to tackle mood swings include:

1.Get good sleep- make sure you get enough good sleep and the sleep cycle is maintained.

2.Locate the cause- often we associate our mood to an unrelated event and literally find a reason to be angry or upset. Introspect and know that whatever you are feeling is coming from within and has no particular reason in the real world.

3.Take back your life’s control- know that it is your life and it is still in your control. Building that confidence in yourself will calm the chaos in the mind.

4.Write your feelings- if you are feeling unnecessarily sad, happy or angry and possibly there are no words to explain this state to anyone, the best is to write down exactly what you are feeling and thinking. Use this note to later evaluate and understand your state. It might help you note patterns; for instance- what triggers an emotion and what calms it.

5.Seek help- often we are stuck in the rough waves of emotions and it is difficult to think through the chaos. It is best to seek professional help from someone who can help you see the larger picture and help you understand the roots of your mood swings.

Mood swings are notably disturbing for oneself and others around. However, it is important to understand that they are an expression of a deeper psychological pain. It is perhaps, a language that your mind has chosen to speak the stress, trauma or problem it is going through. As important it is to get over these mood swings, it is also important to understand and process their roots.

Sibila - Lucky or Unlucky you!

Though I lost my dearest grandmother in 2015 who was a part of me, I always felt 2015 was a better year than 2016 and kept wondering why the whole of yesterday night, and got to read the below, which made me realise the reason - a flash back to 2016.

As my previous post - Jan 10th Sibila was admitted to the hospital, and on 12th was a surgery - had been to hospital at her request then, it was her husband, me and her sister there on the 12th morning - it was not destined for her to be with us for long.

The incident has left me pondering - but noone had to go through the pain and courage that Reghu had to go through, I can feel a pinch of it, as it even helped me realise who my true friends where. - Some wanted us only for timepass, some where there for us to be our strength during our difficult times - Thank you Praseed.

Below is the message from Reghu verbatam:

"Hi all, I am Reghu

I have been thinking of writing and talking to you all for last couple of months. I tried many times, but no words came out of me. My mind was blank and silent. Even now I don’t know what would I write, but a strong feel is coming from inside to start talking to you all.

I just realized that, today it is six months since I lost the physical presence of my Sibi. The last six months were the most difficult period of time in my life. We, my kids and me, were learning to live without the candle which used to lit our life. Life is slowly coming back to a track and routines. Malavika and Advaith re-started their schooling, I re-started as a regular office goer, and we try to solace each other silently.

Cancer! It is a cruel disease. Not only because of the physical pain it causes but it brings out the real colors of people around you. Doctors who are either too blunt or tight-lipped. The "well-wishers" around you giving forced advices, giving countless directions, success stories, failure stories and thousands of "what-if" scenarios. And some people collect the bad 'stories' and experiences other fellow patients received from your treating doctor, just to tell you. Fake medicines, fake claims, etc etc. Above all these things, the "greed" of your beloved ones starts unfolding slowly. In short, life becomes cruel un-necessarily. Or in other words, we start seeing the reality. I tried my level best to block all these interferences by becoming a bad boy, but I could read from Sibi's eyes that she knows everything. In the night, after switching off the lights, we used sit silently hugging each other feeling the heartbeat eachother. I could feel the tear drops flowing one after the other from her eyes. I begged, cried and pleaded to god in all those moments but…

Sibi used to go through each and every treatment notes, scan reports, medicines etc. She wanted to know, what is happening in her treatment. She had great faith in her doctor and was courageous to face anything to win over the disease. She used to cry when the pain surges. But when the pain goes away, she used to tell me "Never go to a palliative mode, just because this pain is unbearable at times". I had to block many friends, relatives and well-wishers from visiting her in those days. "They may feel sad seeing me in this state. So ask them not to visit" - this was her usual reply.

I sincerely apologize to all who felt bad about those incidents. Sibi always wanted to be in your hearts as "smiley" as her closest friends used to call her. She never wanted anyone else to see her tear-filled eyes.

About our younger kid "Advaith". Sibi was very much sure that, our second child was going to be a boy. She decided his name as "Advaith" even before his birth, saying the name would have great significance in his life. Life was flowing peacefully. She wanted to resign from her office once the maternity leave ends. But, because of one helping hand she had showed, all our plans shattered. She gave a huge amount of money to one of her most beloved ones expecting it back in couple of months. The money was not returned. Because of that, we had to take HUGE personal loans. The EMIs were heavy. It forced both of us to work like dogs with hectic office schedules. We both used to leave early from home and come back late, leaving our kids at the mercy of maids. Advaith was emotionally so attached to Sibi, her absence and over exposure to TV because of the maids, and still-unknown reasons, he started shrinking to himself. A speech delay was identified and later diagnosed as a developmental issue - Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

Sibi's disease and his problem were diagnosed at the same time. Sibi's Continuous treatment, Kids treatment and therapies, Office work, finding source for EMIs… I was getting busier every day. During those days we got support from god, in the form of many people emotionally, mentally, monetarily and spiritually. It was those days, we felt the real value of friendship and relationship. Thank you all, words are not enough to express our gratitude.

Sibi never wanted to publicize about Advaith health condition to anyone. But I know, many of Sibi's friends are as generous as Sibi. I don’t want to see any of her friends to go into the same state. Don’t help relatives by giving money - that is the lesson we learnt. You can bear losing money. But, you may not be able to bear losing the relationship. And the damage that happens to our kids due to our financial debts and commitments is beyond words. Advaith is slowly improving with therapies and all. I am sure he is going to be fine, as he is Sibi's dream.

During Sibi's treatment, when we heard of a possibility of surgery we went for it in good faith. But it turned all the efforts upside down. Before going to the surgery, Sibi asked to promise to do everything possible as "Savithri" did for "Satyavan" in case of any unexpected issues. I did. When everyone else in the world, except her dearest friends, expected her to die I asked for ventilator support. Many people told "he is mad, he is not realisitc, he is the reason for all her plight, etc etc". All the relatives went home. I was alone at hospital with my Sibi. All our friends stood by me like rock. She slowly showed signs of coming back. She was shifted out of ventilator to room. She started talking to friends over phone. She was so confident and happy to receive friends in the hospital too. She talked a lot. The long chemo had done enough damage than we imagined. She had shown emotional instability, and an unexplainable fear, at times. A fracture had happened in her leg during physiotherapy. The silent killer - neutropenia with internal infection surged all on a sudden. And… I failed. I could not keep my promise that I had given her.

My kid Malavika, did not cry when I told her that I could not keep my promise , to bring her mother back in good health. Tears streamed out of her eyes, but she did not cry. She asked me not to cry as well, as "Advaith" would feel sad. She hugged me like her mother used to do. I promised her that I would be strong. She said she also would be strong otherwise her 'amma' would be sad. I slowly prepared her to do the last rites. Explained all the procedures and their meaning. She obeyed them peacefully. Sibi's departure affected my kid a lot in many ways. Sibi was her best friend, best play mate and her love. The emptiness due to the absence of her dearest "amma" is something which cannot be re-filled by anyone else.

In-short, my difficult days started from April 11th. In one of the post-ventilator days sibi said what all things are going to happen if she goes early. And, they are happening now! It is great to see the reality of this world.

I know this note has become very long. May be I had gone to un-necessary details. I just wrote it as it came to my mind. Once again, my sincere apologies to everyone if I had hurt you in anyway during the course of treatment, and for the disconnect happened after Sibi's departure. Thank everyone for showering all your support and prayers even now.

I am not frequent FB user, but still just leave a note or call my mobile. Will update this FB page occasionally. We are more than happy to connect with you all.

Thanks and regards

Sunday, October 09, 2016

15 To Do Things to improve Life

15 things that may be hard to do, but could change your life forever By Rachel Gillett made an interesting read and thought it worth sharing with all.

What makes someone uncomfortable depends on the person, but what's universally true is the value of recognizing boundaries and continually pushing them.

Here are some uncomfortable things that help us grow:

1. Question everything

"The most uncomfortable thing one can do is to question everything that is taken for granted and seek answers," writes Malli Gurram. "Try to see the other side of the norm."

2. Be 100% honest

Being the most honest you've ever been with someone in your life will be one of the most uncomfortable things you can do, Ryan Brown says, but it could also be the most valuable.

To do this, he suggests writing a list of all the people to whom you have something — good or bad — to say, writing down the honest feelings you need to convey to them in a letter, handing the person the letter, and writing down what happened and how the experience affected you and the other person.

"If you're being really honest, each letter you write should make you quite emotional as you are writing it," Brown writes. "That is how you know you have tapped into your actual emotions and feelings — that it actually means something to you."

"Don't forget what you have learned from the experience," he suggests. "Let it be with you forever."

3. Meditate

Oftentimes, slowing down and finding inner calm can be especially difficult for those of us who are constantly on the go and thinking of the next things we need to do.

But as Nathan Hershey points out, the benefits can include enhancing your cognitive capacity, emotional intelligence, and overall self-discipline.

4. Wake up extremely early

Ekin Ă–calan loves to wake up before sunrise because it provides the perfect study-and-work environment. Waking at 5 a.m., while everyone else sleeps, is the perfect, albeit challenging, way to begin the day in silence, he writes.

5. Do something creative

"Many people say they want to be creative. Then they go home and binge watch TV episodes on Netflix while drinking red wine," Mark Toole writes.

While fear of rejection and failure are powerful demotivators, having a creative outlet can do wonders for our bodies and minds. What's more, "keeping your work to yourself also guarantees that nobody else will ever love it," Toole notes.

6. Watch your pennies

Keep track of every penny you spend, from auto repairs and life insurance to coffee and french fries, for several months, suggests Bruce A McIntyre.

And try paying for everything you can with cash. "If you have to reach in your wallet and pull out cash, you will often think twice about how much you need something."

You'd be surprised how much debt you can pay off when you literally watch your pennies.

7. Volunteer

Gurram suggests volunteering for a nonprofit or doing selfless deeds. Volunteering can make you feel like you're part of something big, Gurram says, using volunteer experience with TEDx as an example.

"It was such an overwhelming feeling I had on the big day, being part of the community," Gurram says.

8. Track what you eat

Keeping track of all the food you eat and all the exercise you do in a day can be challenging, butTina Marshall says using her MyFitnessPal app helped her see the harm she was doing to her body.

"I didn't realize how little of some nutrients I was getting and how much sugar and fat I was getting daily until I started to do this regularly," she writes.

9. Eat only nutritious food

After you track your food, start eating only what is truly nutritious — Doug Whitney says this will change your life forever.

"The short answer here is to prepare your own food, eat organic as much as possible — yes, it's expensive, but it's cheaper than the medical bills and lost performance — focus on lean meats and veggies, avoid grains (they're disastrous for most of us), and when you do eat something that isn't good for you, notice the difference in how you feel. This is key!"

He says this will be uncomfortable for a number of reasons: It's hard; it's socially limiting; it can be more expensive if you are used to eating off the dollar menu; it's not as tasty when you start, and it takes more time.

But he says the outcome is 100% worth the effort. "Being a weird health nut and outperforming everyone else is so much more fun than blending in — and that's not just athletically. It's mentally as well."

10. Practice public speaking

It may be scary to think about, but you never know when you may be called upon to speak in public. Practice, while daunting, is the key to improving your communication skills.

Gurram recommends joining a nearby Toastmasters group or an improv group in your city: "It's scary as hell until you realize that everyone around you feels the same."

11. Talk to someone new

"See someone you're interested in? Go talk to them," Toole suggests. "The worst that can happen is an epically catastrophic rejection, which gives you something funny to talk about. That and increased confidence in your abilities next time."

12. Leave your phone in your pocket

"How many times have you checked your phone while reading this? The last time you were at a restaurant or bar, how many times did you pull out your phone to look something up?" Toole asks.

There's something to be said of taking a digital detox and allowing our minds to wander. Rather than reaching for our phones when we're bored, research suggests that leaning into boredom can help make us more productive, goal-oriented, and creative.

Plus, it's just good manners when you're in social settings.

13. Pick just one thing to master at a time

Your approach to self-betterment might be trying as many things as possible and seeing what works. But Rob Hanna says using the opposite tactic, though uncomfortable, is key.

"Intention is the key to mastery," Hanna writes. He explains this requires calling your shots and hitting them.

"The problem with most improvement seekers in life is that they really don't know what they're looking for, and then they keep casting about capriciously for the next new thing."

If you're constantly changing interests, he says, you're never going to discover your own internal progress. "So pick one thing and become progressively committed to mastering it. It doesn't matter what it is, anything will do, as long as you do."

14. Accomplish an almost impossible goal

The most uncomfortable thing you can do, according to Rizwan Aseem, is to set and achieve a goal that's harder than something you've ever done before.

To do that, he suggests you think about a thing you're comfortable doing every day and amplify it until you get to a point where you become really scared of doing it. If you run a mile every day, the idea of running seven might terrify you. Set this as your one-year goal.

"The hardest part is to actually go out there and take the actions steps that will help you achieve this goal," he writes.

"You will have to use all your mental and physical strength to actually get yourself to achieve this goal. But here's the thing: Something very cool happens in your mind, your physiology, your internal makeup when you actually do this. You become invincible. You will be able to set any goal for yourself and then achieve it."

15. Seek help

"I think the most uncomfortable yet healthy thing you can do is go to therapy," writes Sam Ham. "There, those defenses you've been utilizing for years, or perhaps decades, may be exposed, and it can be incredibly difficult to realize that you (and those you love or hate) are not necessarily who you thought."

As Business Insider previously reported, roughly one in every five Americans, or about 43 million people, suffers from mental illness, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. About 60% of us received no treatment in the past. With cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), people start to change their thoughts, which in turn can cause behavior changes.

"Learning that you, and those around you, are not so black and white and absolute can be, at the very least, uncomfortable and disorienting. And practicing awareness, acceptance, and forgiveness can be a rigorous and exhausting chore," Ham writes. "But damn, it's so worth it."

Thursday, October 06, 2016

Fight and Peace

People always want something to keep them going ...whatever, wherever, however.

This is the law of nature..how human beings are created...siblings and spouse fight among themselves..but for a bigger cause they come together Neighbouring states within the same country cant tolerate each other, they fight for water. Then there is no wonder if two neighbouring countries are in war for the most beautiful place.

And if there is a world war..the neighbouring countries may come together..as they have during 1 and 2 And if life is found in another planet...and they come to fight with us..everybody on earth will be together....

First it was strike in Banglore for Water - Kavary - fire for water.

Then after that the news on Sept 30th:

"Hitting back at Pakistan following its failure to act against terror, the Indian Army today said it conducted surgical strikes targeting several terror launch pads in Pakistan Occupied Kashmir last night.
The announcement was made at a press conference held by the Ministry of External Affairs and the Defence Ministry.
“Indian Army conducted surgical strikes on terror launch pads on the LoC, significant casualties have been caused,” DGMO Lt Gen Ranbir Singh said.

"Heavy damages have been caused to terrorists, many of them have been killed," the DGMO added.

The motive of this operation was to hit out at the terrorists who were planning to infiltrate into our territory, the DGMO added.

"Indian armed forces ready for any contingency. As of now we have no plans of further operations," he said.

Its so sad this enemity has lasted for so many years. At places all live in harmony and every religion respected. Wish this was the case back on the border too.

If a child is beaten again and again for no reason one day it will revert this is case we did yesterday...it's normal human nature..it is for that human to understand who is beating the child and the beaten.

Restraint is the reason why India made so much progress while Pakistan and Bangladesh are lagging so far behind. I hope things stop here.

India has never targeted civilians or their soldiers. They killed Uri soldiers in their sleep. Cowards had to be given at least this much.Pakistan? or whoever has been continuously attacking us at Taj, parliment, airport...US attack in sept, London attack in July and Taj Mumbai attack in Nov are just a few glimpses.

Cannot think of another war. God we pray for peace. Om Shanthi! Shanthi! Shanthi!


Isn't it interesting to know that we tend to judge others by their behaviour and ourselves by our intentions.

We tend to miss attention/focus on important things, and try to find time to rectify them.

Interest in mindfulness led to the creation in 2007 of the “Search Inside Yourself” program, which focuses on three development areas:

Attention training. This entails becoming aware of your attention, and when you lose it, learning to bring it back to the task at hand. Attention training leads to attention endurance, or the ability to singularly focus for longer periods of time.

Self-knowledge. This is the ability to view yourself objectively, without ego, and to better understand your strengths and weaknesses.

Creation of mental habits. This training teaches your brain how to behave in different ways, yielding more discipline and greater willpower.

Be mindful of yourself, and things around you.

Matilda by Roald Dahl

It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still thibk that he or she is wonderful.

Some parents go further. They become so blinded by adoration they manage to convince themselves their child has qualities of genius.
Well there is nothing wrong with all this. It's the way of the world.

Matilda Wormwood's father is a mean crooked crook and mother plain stupid. They think Matilda is a nuisance who should watch more TV and read fewer books! But her lovely teacher Miss Honey thinks Matilda is a genius. Indeed she is not only in arithmetic and literature but also very practical of life and down to earth at age 5.

With her ability to move things with sight she manages to put straight headmistress Trunchbull who is alsi Ms. Honey aunt by writing on the blackboard:

"Agata this is Magnus, give my Jenny back her house and wages.."

Finally when her parents decide to move to spain, she decides to stay back with Honey.

Wish I had some magical power and capability like Matilda.

Anthropologist explains why we cheat on people we love

YouTube/TED Talks) - Thought of sharing this, as it happened to answer many of the open questions, from Krishna to modern day perfect partners.

Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has a pretty perfect description of what it's like to be in love with someone:

Simply put, she says, that person becomes the center of the world. You have an intense craving to be with that person, not just sexually, but emotionally. You can list the things you don't like about them, but all that gets pushed aside and you focus only on what you do like about them.

"It's an obsession," Fisher said in TED Talk called "Why we love, why we cheat."

What's going on biologically, though, is far less romantic, and it explains why we sometimes cheat on those we love.

Romantic love is essentially just elevated activity of the reward hormone dopamine in the brain.

In the TED talk Fisher explains an experiment where she and a team of scientists scanned the brains of people who were in love. The team showed the smitten person a neutral photo and then a photo of their beloved. They recorded which regions of the brain were active while the person gazed at the photo of their partner.

The researchers found that one of the most important brain regions that became active when each person looked at a photo of their partner is the reward system — the same brain area that lights up when a person takes cocaine or has an orgasm.

That means that "romantic love is not an emotion, it's a drive," Fisher said. "And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive."

Many other studies have found the same thing: love operates as a motivation and reward system in the brain. So, if love is rewarding, what drives us to cheat on people we fall in love with?

The problem is that romantic love isn't the only brain system that is activated when we fall for someone. There are actually three brain systems related to love, Fisher explained.

There's the sex drive, which is like an "intolerable neural itch," to get us out searching for a range of partners to help pass on our genes. There's romantic love, which helps us focus our mating energy on one person. And then there's attachment, the calm and security we feel with a long-term partner so we can raise children with them as a team.

However, those three brain systems, sex drive, romantic love, and attachment, aren't always connected to each other.

So it's possible to feel deep attachment to a long-term partner at the same time you feel intense romantic love toward someone else and even also feel sexual attraction toward another person, Fisher said.

"In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time," Fisher said.

And that's why, Fisher says, some people may cheat on their partner.

It's why someone can lay in bed at night thinking about deep feelings of attachment to one person and swing to thoughts of romantic love for another person.

"It's as if there's a committee meeting going on inside your head as you try to decide what to do," Fisher said. "I don't think honestly that we're an animal that was built to be happy — we're an animal that was built to reproduce. I think the happiness we find, we make."

This all sounds like a cynical take on love, but Fisher says that, despite all these straightforward and unavoidable biological processes, there's still mystery and "magic to it."

Monday, October 03, 2016

M.S. Dhoni: The Untold Story

Not a biopic but a Hagiography, with all controversies kept aside, no villain, everyone in school and friends ready to help, but as in every typical Indian family, parent's wanting kid to concentrate on studies. Dhoni did not have a brother in the movie. Quite inspiring with the message too - keep trying, never give up and there could be second chances. (both with career and love life). I was bowled by Herry Tangri who played Yuvraj Singh, felt him to be real Yuvi. Sushant Singh Rajput and all others were excellent and have done complete justice to their roles. A good watch.


'No' is not just a word, it is a sentance. Obviously feeling thoughtful and disturbed watching the awesome threesome single ladies from Delhi: Minal (Taapsee), Falak (Kirti) and Andrea parallelly with Rajveer (Angad), Dumpy (Raashul), and Vishwa (Tushar) - Advocated by Deepak (Amitabh) and Prashant (Piyush); judged reasonably by Dhritiman supported by all well enacted cops, family, friends. Thankfully we find people of all shades here with great attention to details. A job well done by hindi debutant Bengali director Aniruddha Roy Chowdhiry, written by Ritesh Shah and produced by Rashmi Sharma; Are the ladies bound to follow the rules for ladies mentioned by Deepak? If yes then where is equality?

Ajay Mehra's and Deepak Sehgal's come to rescue only in movies. But in real life crimes worser than that shown in movies happen and we keep wondering who keep funding and protecting Govind Chamis and the conspirators behind the very act? Where is the Kalki to protect the society?

'The Rule Book of the Girls' Safety Manual' - a part of Amitabh Bachchan's speech in the courtoom scenes; cover the below:
1) Don't stay out late

"Hamare Yahan Ghadi ki sui character decide karti hai."
Women who come home late at night are often misconceived as having loose morals. What's more, women are often told that if they stay out so late, they are "bound to face harassment."

2)Don't drink with boys

"Kisi bhi ladki ko ladke ke saath baith kar sharaab nahi peeni chahiye. Kyuki agar who aisa karti hai toh ladke ko yeh indicate hota ki agar ladki mere saath sharaab pee sakti toh who mere saath sone ke liye bhi katrayegi nahi."

No one bats an eyelid at inebriated men in India. When a woman drinks, however, she simply invites trouble because she is branded as being 'available', or so we are told to believe.

3) Don't spend time with boys

"Kisi bhi ladki ko kisi bhi ladke ke saath kahin bhi akele jana nahi chahiye. Kyuki aisa karne se log assume kar lete hain ki wo apni willingly waha par aayi hai aur unhe use touch karne ya use choone ka license issue kar diya hai."

How often have you been told not to go out with boys?

A woman travelling alone raises eyebrows and is quickly followed by remarks ranging from safety warnings to the 'what-will-people-say' remarks.

If you choose to visit a religious spot with a boy, it is fine, but going to a club will make you the subject of condemnation.

Society is quick to judge on the basis of the people you hang out with. Whether they really know anything about you or not doesn't really matter to them.

4) Don't be independent

"Shehar mein ladkiyon ko alag nahin rehna chahiye, akele nahin rehna chahiye. Ladke reh sakte hai par ladkiyaan nahi. Independent ladkiyan ladkon ko confuse kar deti hai"

Independent women who live alone must have a loose character. Women only move out of their houses to get married. Any diversion from this is proof that she has ulterior motives. Or so society believes. The same society that makes fun of men for living with their parents.

5) Don't smile when you talk to boys:

"Kisi bhi ladki ko ladki ko kisi bhi ladke se hans-hans ke baat nahi karni chahiye, kyunki wo usse hint samjh lega."

Monday, July 18, 2016

Emotional Intelligence

Yet another interesting training session from Sudeepta Banerjee.


1)Strike Six Letters to form one Word:

2)Write down, Your Name, Role, and one Emotion you display the most

3)Questions to give you a general idea of how much you know about being EI. Choose the option which reflects what you would do in the situation. Give your score as – 1 Strongly disagree, 2 Disagree, 3 Neither Agree Nor Disagree, 4 Agree and 5 Strongly Agree

Why and What is EI

From the thalamus, a part of the stimulus goes directly to the amygdala while another part is sent to the neocortex or "thinking brain". (An Amygdala Hijack is an immediate and overwhelming emotional response out of proportion to the stimulus because it has triggered a more significant emotional threat. The amygdala is the part of our brain that handles emotions. During an Amygdala Hijack, the amygdala "hijacks" or shuts down the neo-cortex.)
EI Helps us to:
Self control (how we respond)
Accurate Self Assessment
Self Confidence
Emotional Self Awareness
EI Effects:
Performance at work
Physical health
Mental health

It provides awareness and ability to manage our emotions in a healthy and productive manner.
IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted or fired.
Rational Vs. Emotional

EI Competency: Can be divided into four - quadrants - Self/Social & Recogniton/Regulation

1) SELF AWARENESS (Self Recogniton)
Recognize and understand moods, emotions and drives

2)SOCIAL AWARENESS (Social Recognition)
Pick up on external crises; works if we have empathy, Organizational awareness and is service oriented

3) SELF MANAGEMENT (Self Regulation)
Control or redirect disruptive emotions or impulses. Think before act. Self control, adaptability

Building network. Inspirational leadership, develop others, influence, change catalyst, conflict management, Bld. Bonds, Team work and collaboration

Practice EI Competency
1) SELF AWARENESS (Self Recogniton)
Learn difference between thought and feeling
Ask how you feel and be honest
Be open to input from others

2)SOCIAL AWARENESS (Social Recognition)
Look for non verbal areas and verbal ones
Share and be honest about your feelings
Be consistent – match spoken and unspoken words.
Be Kind – where ever possible
See from other persons perspective

3) SELF MANAGEMENT (Self Regulation)
Monitor your self talk
Reframe an irritating situation into a problem solving exercise
Use Humour
Deep Breath – Never Underestimate
Remove yourself from the situation and keep moving

Share your passion and enthusiasm for the job and the organization it is contagious
Create an inspiring work environment
Engage in creative brainstorming
Be willing to coach or mentor others and be open to being coached yourself!

EI – Key Skills

Quickly reduce stress
Recognize and manage your emotions
Connect with others using non verbal communication
Use humor and plan to deal with challenges
Resolve conflicts positively and with confidence

This is done by:

Some Techniques:

The Ventilation Fallacy
a) Deep Breaths
b) Go for a walk
c) Refresh Thoughts

Don’t Brood, Distract
a) Complete small tasks
b) Reframe the situation
c) Help others

The Artful Critique

a) Give proper constructive feedback
b) Specific, with solution preferably face to face
c) Show empathy

Set the Emotional Tone

Exercise 1:
Realize when you were stressed
Identify the stress response
Discover and use the stress busting technique that works best for you
Develop emotional awarness
Non – Verbal communication
Exercise 2:
List your team members – family/office
Identify what triggers stress level of them
Identify the stress busters
Exercise 3:
Take away – To do from the training

Sunday, July 17, 2016

One Small Step; One Giant Mess - Ice Age

Well it could have been the fifth film of the series, but for us it was the first. Scrat's epic pursuit of the elusive acorn catapults him into the universe where he accidentally sets off a series of cosmic events that transform and threaten the Ice Age World. To save themselves, Sid, Manny, Diego, and the rest of the herd must leave their home and embark on a quest full of comedy and adventure, travelling to exotic new lands and encountering a host of colorful new characters.

Happy to see Neil jumping on his seat, and full of laught.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Don't Dis your Ability

Are you Anxious? - Remove anxiety.

Being lonely and being alone are different; don't be afraid. Ensure you have

1 Peace
2 health -, physical therpy
3 financial security

When you are hurt, pain would stay; We are not computers without any feelings, Things change from one day to another, Be prepared. People cannot treat counterparts like garbage.

It was nice to hear B.K. Shiva from Brahmakumari's - talk -

"Acceptance, approval and appreciation is what everyone need.

Criticism, ridicule, is not what people want.

Counselor is a profession because they are ready to listen They are non judgemental .. Bonding and love is with parents

Don't resend and reject anyone who has made a mistake what is needed is support and healing as they are in pain. When advise don't work in physical pain it would not work during emotional pain.

Say you understand... Say you are right, your feeling is so natural... Give people the willingness to come and share with you everything... As every soul needs acceptance... They go to where they get acceptance.. Say I am ready to hear the truth. Focus on solution... Say whatever has to happen has happened.. Our role is to empower people... Not to judge or correct them.. They are
already in pain and hurt...

Don't let your self down. Yet another inspiring TED Talk by Muniba Mazari; Muniba Mazari Is an Artist and a Motivational Speaker. Muniba Mazari Baloch participated as a motivational speaker at various conferences and forums. She is also a fellow Piscean, and works as an anchor at PTV, the first wheelchair-bound anchor, and also the first wheelchair-bound model for the prestigious Toni&Guy in Pakistan and the brand ambassador for The Body Shop in Pakistan, and one of the Ponds Miracle Women also working as brand ambassador for "Chughtai Lab". She met with and accident at the age of 21 and was bound to wheel chair.

"A person who fight with self, with a big smile on face is a warriors - When we are in difficulty, many people leave, one who are supposed to stay with us including - Life becomes pointless, aimless, powerless - Instead of crying for the people who are not meant to be with us, for what is lost - stop cribing, stop crying - Add colours to your life - Let art keep you alive - from adversity. People don't have time - Make yourself financially strong, become professional. Life becomes easy - Be happy, Be contant - Keep aiming for higher goals.

Some things shake us from inside, we feel devistated. Change the persception .....Tell people you are happy as you are - we have souls, we are alive - let us live - don't dis our ability. Explore what you have. You are not caged, you have a soul, a mind free - aspire to inspire, nothing should stop you. Have big dreams, plans. Be grateful for what you have , and you will have more. Don't cry and crib, Excel, grow, convert adversity into opportunity. Don't let anyone dis your abilities.

Life is a test, when you were born, you did not know how difficult it would be. Through her work and life story, Ms Mazari aspires to inspire those who lose hope. The only message she gives to the world is that 'You are the hero of your own life story and heroes Never Give Up!'."