Mindfulness

Isn't it interesting to know that we tend to judge others by their behaviour and ourselves by our intentions.

We tend to miss attention/focus on important things, and try to find time to rectify them.

Interest in mindfulness led to the creation in 2007 of the “Search Inside Yourself” program, which focuses on three development areas:

Attention training. This entails becoming aware of your attention, and when you lose it, learning to bring it back to the task at hand. Attention training leads to attention endurance, or the ability to singularly focus for longer periods of time.

Self-knowledge. This is the ability to view yourself objectively, without ego, and to better understand your strengths and weaknesses.

Creation of mental habits. This training teaches your brain how to behave in different ways, yielding more discipline and greater willpower.

Be mindful of yourself, and things around you.

Matilda by Roald Dahl

It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still thibk that he or she is wonderful.

Some parents go further. They become so blinded by adoration they manage to convince themselves their child has qualities of genius.
Well there is nothing wrong with all this. It's the way of the world.

Matilda Wormwood's father is a mean crooked crook and mother plain stupid. They think Matilda is a nuisance who should watch more TV and read fewer books! But her lovely teacher Miss Honey thinks Matilda is a genius. Indeed she is not only in arithmetic and literature but also very practical of life and down to earth at age 5.

With her ability to move things with sight she manages to put straight headmistress Trunchbull who is alsi Ms. Honey aunt by writing on the blackboard:

"Agata this is Magnus, give my Jenny back her house and wages.."

Finally when her parents decide to move to spain, she decides to stay back with Honey.

Wish I had some magical power and capability like Matilda.

Anthropologist explains why we cheat on people we love

YouTube/TED Talks) - Thought of sharing this, as it happened to answer many of the open questions, from Krishna to modern day perfect partners.

Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has a pretty perfect description of what it's like to be in love with someone:

Simply put, she says, that person becomes the center of the world. You have an intense craving to be with that person, not just sexually, but emotionally. You can list the things you don't like about them, but all that gets pushed aside and you focus only on what you do like about them.

"It's an obsession," Fisher said in TED Talk called "Why we love, why we cheat."

What's going on biologically, though, is far less romantic, and it explains why we sometimes cheat on those we love.

Romantic love is essentially just elevated activity of the reward hormone dopamine in the brain.

In the TED talk Fisher explains an experiment where she and a team of scientists scanned the brains of people who were in love. The team showed the smitten person a neutral photo and then a photo of their beloved. They recorded which regions of the brain were active while the person gazed at the photo of their partner.

The researchers found that one of the most important brain regions that became active when each person looked at a photo of their partner is the reward system — the same brain area that lights up when a person takes cocaine or has an orgasm.

That means that "romantic love is not an emotion, it's a drive," Fisher said. "And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive."

Many other studies have found the same thing: love operates as a motivation and reward system in the brain. So, if love is rewarding, what drives us to cheat on people we fall in love with?

The problem is that romantic love isn't the only brain system that is activated when we fall for someone. There are actually three brain systems related to love, Fisher explained.

There's the sex drive, which is like an "intolerable neural itch," to get us out searching for a range of partners to help pass on our genes. There's romantic love, which helps us focus our mating energy on one person. And then there's attachment, the calm and security we feel with a long-term partner so we can raise children with them as a team.

However, those three brain systems, sex drive, romantic love, and attachment, aren't always connected to each other.

So it's possible to feel deep attachment to a long-term partner at the same time you feel intense romantic love toward someone else and even also feel sexual attraction toward another person, Fisher said.

"In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time," Fisher said.

And that's why, Fisher says, some people may cheat on their partner.

It's why someone can lay in bed at night thinking about deep feelings of attachment to one person and swing to thoughts of romantic love for another person.

"It's as if there's a committee meeting going on inside your head as you try to decide what to do," Fisher said. "I don't think honestly that we're an animal that was built to be happy — we're an animal that was built to reproduce. I think the happiness we find, we make."

This all sounds like a cynical take on love, but Fisher says that, despite all these straightforward and unavoidable biological processes, there's still mystery and "magic to it."

M.S. Dhoni: The Untold Story

Not a biopic but a Hagiography, with all controversies kept aside, no villain, everyone in school and friends ready to help, but as in every typical Indian family, parent's wanting kid to concentrate on studies. Dhoni did not have a brother in the movie. Quite inspiring with the message too - keep trying, never give up and there could be second chances. (both with career and love life). I was bowled by Herry Tangri who played Yuvraj Singh, felt him to be real Yuvi. Sushant Singh Rajput and all others were excellent and have done complete justice to their roles. A good watch.

Pink

'No' is not just a word, it is a sentance. Obviously feeling thoughtful and disturbed watching the awesome threesome single ladies from Delhi: Minal (Taapsee), Falak (Kirti) and Andrea parallelly with Rajveer (Angad), Dumpy (Raashul), and Vishwa (Tushar) - Advocated by Deepak (Amitabh) and Prashant (Piyush); judged reasonably by Dhritiman supported by all well enacted cops, family, friends. Thankfully we find people of all shades here with great attention to details. A job well done by hindi debutant Bengali director Aniruddha Roy Chowdhiry, written by Ritesh Shah and produced by Rashmi Sharma; Are the ladies bound to follow the rules for ladies mentioned by Deepak? If yes then where is equality?

Ajay Mehra's and Deepak Sehgal's come to rescue only in movies. But in real life crimes worser than that shown in movies happen and we keep wondering who keep funding and protecting Govind Chamis and the conspirators behind the very act? Where is the Kalki to protect the society?

'The Rule Book of the Girls' Safety Manual' - a part of Amitabh Bachchan's speech in the courtoom scenes; cover the below:
1) Don't stay out late

"Hamare Yahan Ghadi ki sui character decide karti hai."
Women who come home late at night are often misconceived as having loose morals. What's more, women are often told that if they stay out so late, they are "bound to face harassment."

2)Don't drink with boys

"Kisi bhi ladki ko ladke ke saath baith kar sharaab nahi peeni chahiye. Kyuki agar who aisa karti hai toh ladke ko yeh indicate hota ki agar ladki mere saath sharaab pee sakti toh who mere saath sone ke liye bhi katrayegi nahi."

No one bats an eyelid at inebriated men in India. When a woman drinks, however, she simply invites trouble because she is branded as being 'available', or so we are told to believe.

3) Don't spend time with boys

"Kisi bhi ladki ko kisi bhi ladke ke saath kahin bhi akele jana nahi chahiye. Kyuki aisa karne se log assume kar lete hain ki wo apni willingly waha par aayi hai aur unhe use touch karne ya use choone ka license issue kar diya hai."

How often have you been told not to go out with boys?

A woman travelling alone raises eyebrows and is quickly followed by remarks ranging from safety warnings to the 'what-will-people-say' remarks.

If you choose to visit a religious spot with a boy, it is fine, but going to a club will make you the subject of condemnation.

Society is quick to judge on the basis of the people you hang out with. Whether they really know anything about you or not doesn't really matter to them.

4) Don't be independent

"Shehar mein ladkiyon ko alag nahin rehna chahiye, akele nahin rehna chahiye. Ladke reh sakte hai par ladkiyaan nahi. Independent ladkiyan ladkon ko confuse kar deti hai"

Independent women who live alone must have a loose character. Women only move out of their houses to get married. Any diversion from this is proof that she has ulterior motives. Or so society believes. The same society that makes fun of men for living with their parents.

5) Don't smile when you talk to boys:

"Kisi bhi ladki ko ladki ko kisi bhi ladke se hans-hans ke baat nahi karni chahiye, kyunki wo usse hint samjh lega."

Emotional Intelligence

Yet another interesting training session from Sudeepta Banerjee.

Exercise:

1)Strike Six Letters to form one Word:
B S A I N X L E A T N T E A R S

2)Write down, Your Name, Role, and one Emotion you display the most

3)Questions to give you a general idea of how much you know about being EI. Choose the option which reflects what you would do in the situation. Give your score as – 1 Strongly disagree, 2 Disagree, 3 Neither Agree Nor Disagree, 4 Agree and 5 Strongly Agree


Why and What is EI

From the thalamus, a part of the stimulus goes directly to the amygdala while another part is sent to the neocortex or "thinking brain". (An Amygdala Hijack is an immediate and overwhelming emotional response out of proportion to the stimulus because it has triggered a more significant emotional threat. The amygdala is the part of our brain that handles emotions. During an Amygdala Hijack, the amygdala "hijacks" or shuts down the neo-cortex.)
EI Helps us to:
Influence
Empathies
Self control (how we respond)
Accurate Self Assessment
Self Confidence
Emotional Self Awareness
EI Effects:
Performance at work
Physical health
Mental health
Relationship

It provides awareness and ability to manage our emotions in a healthy and productive manner.
IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted or fired.
Rational Vs. Emotional

EI Competency: Can be divided into four - quadrants - Self/Social & Recogniton/Regulation

1) SELF AWARENESS (Self Recogniton)
Recognize and understand moods, emotions and drives

2)SOCIAL AWARENESS (Social Recognition)
Pick up on external crises; works if we have empathy, Organizational awareness and is service oriented

3) SELF MANAGEMENT (Self Regulation)
Control or redirect disruptive emotions or impulses. Think before act. Self control, adaptability

4) RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT (Social Regulation)
Building network. Inspirational leadership, develop others, influence, change catalyst, conflict management, Bld. Bonds, Team work and collaboration


Practice EI Competency
1) SELF AWARENESS (Self Recogniton)
Learn difference between thought and feeling
Ask how you feel and be honest
Be open to input from others

2)SOCIAL AWARENESS (Social Recognition)
Look for non verbal areas and verbal ones
Share and be honest about your feelings
Be consistent – match spoken and unspoken words.
Be Kind – where ever possible
See from other persons perspective

3) SELF MANAGEMENT (Self Regulation)
Monitor your self talk
Reframe an irritating situation into a problem solving exercise
Use Humour
Deep Breath – Never Underestimate
Remove yourself from the situation and keep moving

4) RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT (Social Regulation)
Share your passion and enthusiasm for the job and the organization it is contagious
Create an inspiring work environment
Engage in creative brainstorming
Be willing to coach or mentor others and be open to being coached yourself!

EI – Key Skills

Quickly reduce stress
Recognize and manage your emotions
Connect with others using non verbal communication
Use humor and plan to deal with challenges
Resolve conflicts positively and with confidence

This is done by:
Perceiving
Understanding
Facilitating
Managing

Some Techniques:

The Ventilation Fallacy
a) Deep Breaths
b) Go for a walk
c) Refresh Thoughts

Don’t Brood, Distract
Exercise
a) Complete small tasks
b) Reframe the situation
c) Help others

The Artful Critique

a) Give proper constructive feedback
b) Specific, with solution preferably face to face
c) Show empathy

Set the Emotional Tone


Exercise 1:
Realize when you were stressed
Identify the stress response
Discover and use the stress busting technique that works best for you
Develop emotional awarness
Non – Verbal communication
Exercise 2:
List your team members – family/office
Identify what triggers stress level of them
Identify the stress busters
Exercise 3:
Take away – To do from the training

One Small Step; One Giant Mess - Ice Age

Well it could have been the fifth film of the series, but for us it was the first. Scrat's epic pursuit of the elusive acorn catapults him into the universe where he accidentally sets off a series of cosmic events that transform and threaten the Ice Age World. To save themselves, Sid, Manny, Diego, and the rest of the herd must leave their home and embark on a quest full of comedy and adventure, travelling to exotic new lands and encountering a host of colorful new characters.

Happy to see Neil jumping on his seat, and full of laught.

Don't Dis your Ability

Are you Anxious? - Remove anxiety.

Being lonely and being alone are different; don't be afraid. Ensure you have

1 Peace
2 health -, physical therpy
3 financial security

When you are hurt, pain would stay; We are not computers without any feelings, Things change from one day to another, Be prepared. People cannot treat counterparts like garbage.

It was nice to hear B.K. Shiva from Brahmakumari's - talk -

"Acceptance, approval and appreciation is what everyone need.

Criticism, ridicule, is not what people want.

Counselor is a profession because they are ready to listen They are non judgemental .. Bonding and love is with parents

Don't resend and reject anyone who has made a mistake what is needed is support and healing as they are in pain. When advise don't work in physical pain it would not work during emotional pain.

Say you understand... Say you are right, your feeling is so natural... Give people the willingness to come and share with you everything... As every soul needs acceptance... They go to where they get acceptance.. Say I am ready to hear the truth. Focus on solution... Say whatever has to happen has happened.. Our role is to empower people... Not to judge or correct them.. They are already in pain and hurt...
"

Don't let your self down. Yet another inspiring TED Talk by Muniba Mazari; Muniba Mazari Is an Artist and a Motivational Speaker. Muniba Mazari Baloch participated as a motivational speaker at various conferences and forums. She is also a fellow Piscean, and works as an anchor at PTV, the first wheelchair-bound anchor, and also the first wheelchair-bound model for the prestigious Toni&Guy in Pakistan and the brand ambassador for The Body Shop in Pakistan, and one of the Ponds Miracle Women also working as brand ambassador for "Chughtai Lab". She met with and accident at the age of 21 and was bound to wheel chair.

"A person who fight with self, with a big smile on face is a warriors - When we are in difficulty, many people leave, one who are supposed to stay with us including - Life becomes pointless, aimless, powerless - Instead of crying for the people who are not meant to be with us, for what is lost - stop cribing, stop crying - Add colours to your life - Let art keep you alive - from adversity. People don't have time - Make yourself financially strong, become professional. Life becomes easy - Be happy, Be contant - Keep aiming for higher goals.

Some things shake us from inside, we feel devistated. Change the persception .....Tell people you are happy as you are - we have souls, we are alive - let us live - don't dis our ability. Explore what you have. You are not caged, you have a soul, a mind free - aspire to inspire, nothing should stop you. Have big dreams, plans. Be grateful for what you have , and you will have more. Don't cry and crib, Excel, grow, convert adversity into opportunity. Don't let anyone dis your abilities.

Life is a test, when you were born, you did not know how difficult it would be. Through her work and life story, Ms Mazari aspires to inspire those who lose hope. The only message she gives to the world is that 'You are the hero of your own life story and heroes Never Give Up!'."

Life is a matter of priority - Friendship/Relationship is precious

Life is a matter of priority. What is ones priority, vary from person to person; so also the way they deal with it. For each their own.

Nothing last forever. One needs to find time, to maintain their relationship. Life goes on, and if we get into the bog of it, there is no comming out.

It is a personal choice, we need to move in circle, keep moving ahead, or a mix of both. For some - parents and siblings are important, for others spouse and children, for some friends and foreign lands, or for others career. Some enjoy having reunions, while others consider it to be a waste of time. It is a matter of choice, preferances.

It takes love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship and faith to make relations last. People of same wavelength, of similar taste come closer, get together well, have many things to share. Even if the job, people around, try to break them, if their bonding is stong, nothing will break it. It is not a matter of being thick skinned - no matter how the society take it, or people talk about it.

When nobody can take away your pain, never let anybody take away your Happiness! Be Cool and Happy.

Remember - If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. No plan is bigger or above his divine plan.

Religious Conversion? Unrest

Nothing new, but very painful indeed. We are all born human, why can’t we leave and live as one?

As many as 16 young Muslims went missing from Kerala over the past one month and some of them may have sent messages to their parents that they have joined the Islamic State, sources said on Saturday.Most of them were from the districts of Kasaragod and Palakkad and sources said the group included seven couples and two children.Security agencies suspect they may joined the terrorist outfit Islamic State (IS) in Iraq and Syria.

It seems they have send a message to their family members saying "We are not coming back. Here there is Divine Rule. You also should join us" read one of the messages while the other message said, "We have joined IS to fight US for attacking Muslims", Mustafa said. The veracity of these messages are yet to be checked.

Thinking is the highest mental activity present in man. suddenly aristocratic, upper-caste Hindu Kamala Das, lover of Sree Krishna(Hindu God), descendant of rajas, decides to embrace Islam.. On 16 December 1999,at the age of 65, amidst a storm of controversy, in a one minute home ceremony, she converts……She said - Life has changed for me since Nov. 14 when a young man named Sadiq Ali walked in to meet me. He is 38 and has a beautiful smile.
In her novels and autobiography she wrote much about eroticism and the need of sex for woman… She married at age of 15 to a 35 year old man, and literally got raped in the first night.. We have to believe that she wasn't satisfied by her husband and she was yearning for true love…. That's why after her husband's death, when sadiq came into her life she easily gave up …But sadiq was determined to convert kamla to Islam by playing the love saga.. It has to be believed that he has got mental and physical support in playing the role . He never loved her truly, but he just wants to convert her to Islam… It was clearly a sign of LOVE JIHAD…. Yes, Kamala das was one of the earliest victim of love Jihad, which is still happening in kerala. According to Government records about 9000 Hindu girls got converted to islam by falling prey to the false love of muslim boys. Most of them undergone through the same fate of Kamla Das.
Later, Madhavikutty(Kamla) felt it was not worth it to change one's religion and said "I fell in love with a Muslim after my husband's death. He was kind and generous in the beginning. But I now feel one shouldn't change one's religion. It is not worth it.".

But It was Too Late for her ,for another conversion back to Hinduism . She lived and died rest of her life as a Muslim painfully….

People go to any extend, to convert you. The most divne form – in the name of love to fear.
There are so many people walking around, trying to preach and prove Christianity is only right.

And even within them, there are so many differences of opinions. When will we stop fighting, and realise that we are all one?

Malarvaadi Arts Club

A lovely tribute to friendship is Malarvaadi Arts Club the 2010 Malayalam film directed by Vineeth Sreenivasan in his directorial debut, and produced by Dileep.

The story is about the life of 5 friends Prakashan,Santhosh,Purushu,Praveen and Kuttuin from a small village called Manissery. Prakashan (Nivin Pauly) has a fiery temperament; he would do anything for the people he loves, for the cause he believes in. In a moment of financial crisis, Kumaran (Nedumudi Venu) (their mentor who formed malarvadi club) makes the group take up music once again. On the way, the best singer Santhosh (Shraavan) in the group gets a chance to attend a reality show and once he emerges the champion,which is followed by misunderstandings, separation and a grand reunion in the end.

It is a simple story that unveils at a leisurely pace and often, in a disturbingly and predictable way; Nedumudi Venu has a brief but relevant role. Kumaran's desire to see 5 of them together, make me think of my grandfather - how every parents would want to see their children together always; and even someothers who are not just parents but more than parents.

Indeed a thought provoking movie.

The Year I Met You - Cecelia Ahern

Jasmine loves two things: her sister Heather and her work. And when her work is taken away she has no idea who she is.

Matt loves two things: his family and the booze. Without them he hits rock bottom.

One New Year's Eve, their path collide. Both have time on their hands: both are at crossroads. But as the year unfolds, through moonlit nights and suburban days, an unlikely friendship slowly starts to blossom.

Memories do not last for ever, fresh memories erase off the old ones. Thinking out of control Jasmine turned into gardening to maintain control, thinking it would bend to her will, but realised that it will not. If we try to grow where something, even a part of us has died, we will experience sickness. It is better to move, uproot overselves and start afresh; then we will flourish. Miracles only grow where you plant them.

We do not know the other person, we do not know anything about their life, but if the person is not lonely in your company.

Which is the better song? " Paradise City" or " Love is a Battlefield".

Often the slow pace of change can be painful, lonely and confusing, but without us realising it happening, it happens. But it is thanks to the slowness that we remember the journey, we reserve the sense of where we were, where we are going and why. Destination completely unknown, we can value the crossing.

This wasn't just my journey, this wasn't just about me falling down and a man rescuing me, though I did trip and you fell and love did happen for me and was mended and repaired for you. This is about you and me, our fall and rise with the seasons, and about what happened when one door closed for both of us. I don't know if I would be this woman now if it weren't for you, and you may not even think you did anything. Most people in life don't have to actively do anything to change us, they simply need to be. I reacted to you. You affected me. You helped me. You were the oddest friendship, the kindest loaned ear.

You gave me your key. You did the same. I helped you help me, you helped me to help you, that's the way it must be or the very idea of help would be obsolete. I always thought that being helped was a loss of control, but you must allow someone to help you, you must want someone to help you, and only then can the act begin.

We are constantly evolving; I suppose I have always known that, but because I always knew that, I feared stopping, and it is ironic that it was only when I finally stopped that I moved the most. I know now that we never truly stop, our journey is never complete, because we will continue to floursih - just as when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfuly.

Sairat

Was glad to get hold of a Marathi movie after long. But the end, made me keep thinking. Why do we make a weekend not very good by watching such movies? If at all we knew - but then this is the harsh reality of life.

Sairat is a romantic story of two young couple - the usuall - rich girl, poor brilliant boy; but here from different cast. The first half is full of songs and beautiful cinematography. What happens when the immatured children run after their love is well depicted. But the end was a shock; and it took me some time to come out of it; seeing the baby walk - without any background music.

Udta Punjab

A thought provoking weekend, with a thought provoking movie. Not just Punjab, but this is the harsh reality of our country and the world today.Some are flying high, while others are infants, but none of them are free states. Hats off to Abhishek Chaubey and Sudip Sharma for daring to bring this forward. It's a kinda documentary/drama film so don't expect 'Jab we Met' if you wanna view.

Great performance by Shahid, Dilji, Kareena but above all Alia. We have stories of each of them running in parallel; while Shahid-Pop singer Tommy , Alia - Ex. District hockey player and field worker, and Dilji's younger brother a student are waging a fight against use of drug; Kareena a doctor and Dilji an Assistent Inspector are fighting against the society and it's supply; and of the two fights; Kareena say - the former is important to be won.

Wish there is an end to the use of this.

Elections

May 16th was election day; where we to vote or was it just another holiday?

Was not sure whom to vote for; the same false promises - was something really being done, or were we just moving like a pedulum, from left to right? Well this time we did have some one else as well in kerala; for for the first time did the lotus bloom here.

People come and go, parties come and go, problems remain. Any sensible Indian would agree that beef, jeans and skirts, Love marriages, westernisation, celebrating birthdays are not our problem.

We still have the age old problems persesting; that of inequality, poverty, casteism, unemployment, communalism, superstition, health system, coruption, infrastructure, sex ration, population explosion, crime accountability, literacy and education, black money, angry organisation etc.

Right is might, but no one ever wins if they do not fight. If you belive you are right, then stand up and fight for your place in the sun. If you belive you can do, hang in, if you do not win, you will earn the respect of everyone in the fight, including yourself, and in that sense you will have prevailed.

Being blessed with democracy it is our duty to vote, I have done mine. But there are still some more duty, which I neither have the energy not the ability to take up, wish and pray that I could do something.

The Year we got closer

She was confused and surprised, yet glad that he asked her out for a movie a year before; with mother. This was for the first time, someone had actually done that; and so it was completely a new experience for her. Sometimes we need someone to simply be there, not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported; this is what she felt.

People come to one’s life for a reason, a season or for a lifetime; he had just completed one season of his life, and was on the bridge to the other; presumably he was just looking out for someone to fill the interim void or was that an invitation for genuine friendship only time would say.

They did not have anything much in common. A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation; doesn’t always need togetherness. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part; this is what she believed; initially when he got busy on reaching the other end of the bridge; not realising that the season was over. Though there was a gap in the new year; things appeared to be in place after three months.

By the end of a year, they realised, they have nothing to speak about. Life is not just about movies, and restaurants; and he was not interested in discussing his personal life and dreams; while she kept wondering, why men who respect women are mostly single? People who have been single are so independed and self-sufficient that it takes something extraordinary to convince them that they need you in their life. He would start telling about his professional problems, and stop in between, presuming it is not right to discuss them; leaving her in a dilemma. It is a psychological fact that people are generally more honest when physically tired; this is why people confess things during late night conversations. Next day; they would think why at all was it discussed?

At the end of a year, he was confused; and she was still confused and surprised. Stress, anxiety and depression are caused when we are living to please other, but they did not have to go through that here, as they were themselves; and had not put on masks to please other.

She still had lot of respect for him, for his passion, for his will, for the fight he took up for himself and others. His company made her happy, but she knew it would most probably be at its dawn. She did not know what had to be done, and because he wanted to work without distractions. So was she becoming a distraction now? She kept thinking about her friends warnings to be away from him.

Then she read Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg's explanation of life and death; especially on death that she realised after her husband Dave passed away. Most of us at one point or the other have to face loss of opportunity or adversity - in job, with health, with love and sometimes with life itself. We need to remember 3P's.

1. Pesonalization - Not everything that happens to us happens because of us.
2. Pervasiveness - The event will effect all areas of our life, there is nor running away,
3. Permanence - That nothing lasts for ever.

There are only two types of pain: The one that hurts you and the other that changes you.

If you care too much, forgive too much, in the end you get hurt too much. When you care for someone more than they deserve, you get hurt more than you deserve. Everyone is going to hurt you, you need to find the worth suffering for. It’s better to be alone; nobody can hurt you.

To the questions in your life, you are the only answer; to the problems in your life you are the only solution. If you are able to find them; and mould them to make you a better person; keep you positive, the pain would be worth going through. It would change you, make you stronger.

Finding gratitude and appreciation is the key to resilience. Live life, each day of it, with joy and meaning, without pain and with gratitude at each step.

Don’t depend too much on anyone. Everyone changes with time, with new people. Never assume that somebody loves you by their sweetness. Sometimes you are just an option. Some people are truly great manipulators. They can lie, cheat, treat you badly and somehow manage to make it all seem like your fault. Don’t fall for it.

Choices, Chances and Changes are basic reminders of life…We need to make a Choice, to take a Chance, otherwise our life will never Change…!!!

It takes love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship and faith in your relationship to make it last. Probably this did not have them all.

We need to Learn how to:
• Have fun without drinks
• Talk without cellphone
• Dream without drugs
• Smile without selfies
• Love without conditions

Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you. Remember, there is no market for our emotions, Keep up the positive attitude.

Stakeholder Management

Thanks to Sudeeptha from Transandix for a wonderful training session - both the trainer and training were captivating:


Any person, group or organisation who is affected by our work, would be our stakeholder.

For the project for which we are the Project Manager; our stakeholder could be:
 Project/programme team
 Shareholder or investor
 Public Interest group
 Government
 Community
 Upper Management
 Mid Management
 PM’s Manager
 End user
 Non Team Member
 Client owners
 Suppliers
 Internal & External Consultant.

Top 5 Qualities of Tom Kosnik and his stakeholders; where plotted on a graph, and an assessment was plotted of once own performance and that of the stakeholder. These can be jotted as a web, and linked to match the preferences.

 Integrity at the centre
 Chemistry/Sense of Humour
 Perspective/Humility
 Empathy
 Cooperation/Commitment
 Responsiveness
 Reliable
 Fairness
 Competence
 Communication
 Vision
 Grace Under Pressure
 Entrepreneurship


Stakeholder Management Involves two parts:

Paret 1: Stakeholder Analysis

Stakeholder Analysis means mapping and analysing your stakeholders. This involves Identifying, Prioritising and Understanding the Stakeholder:

Basic Analysis can be done using the Power interest Grid, and placing the stakeholders in 4 quadrants, and plotting them, to know if they have high or low power and interest.

Power HPLI: Keep Satisfied HPHI: Manage Closely
LPLI: Monitor LPHI: Keep Informed
Interest


Stakeholders would fall under one of the below category:
a. Advocates
b. Supporters
c. Blockers
d. Critics
e. Neutral
We need to remove the blockers – especially those who are in high power/high interest grid.
General points – based on role play:
 Don’t assume you know customers’ needs
 Asking people’s opinion is the first step in building relationship
 To gain trust of one stakeholder, never let other stakeholders down (ego)
 Stakeholders are not interested in why it did not happen, they would want to know how it would happen
 Patience
 1st Build trust
 Don’t say we failed, say we messed up
 Don’t get overly submissive – apologise and move on.
 All questions are equally important, answer first questions first.
 Clients/stakeholder likes to be heard, so hear.
 Don’t micro manage.
 Did a great job – seek help.
 Ask right questions
 What is important is how you enquire and what you enquire
 Push back, don’t push yourself
 If the conversation is going nowhere – start another line of discussion


Part 2: Stakeholder Planning – involves communication strategies:

1. Plan your Approach :

This has to be done, before during and after the project –
 Seek opinions/ideas
 Discuss the positives
 Discuss the challenges

2. Think Through your stakeholders
 Desired support
 Desired Project Role
 Actions Desired

3. Identify the message you need to convey
To persuade them to support you and engage with your projects or goals show:
a. Show the benefits to the person or organisation of what you are doing
b. Focus on key performance like increasing profitability or delivering real improvement.

4. Identify Actions and communciations
Work out and focus on
 HP/HI stakeholders first
 LP/LI Last

Always remember to include communciation in your project plan.
Implementation
T - Trust
I - Inquiry
P - Patience/Push Back
S - Satisfy

Three pillars of a project are: Trust, Patience and Expectation.


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Stakeholders are those who have a 'Stake' (investment or interest) in the success or actions taken by an organization. They include shareholders, management, and their families, industry in which the organisation operates, customers, competitors, suppliers, business partners, future generation etc. Corporations maximise shareholders value through profit maximisation.

Social obligation must complement and not compete for profit maximization. Business apply social responsibility approach by adopting socially responsible practices that wil be a positive force for change and help improve the quality of people's lives. Organizations naturally encounter a number of challenges in attempts to be socially responsible. For example, insider trading, layoffs, diversity issues, advertising, employee privacy issues, environmental issues, competition and international operations.

Even for Strategic Planning Organisations perform stakeholder analysis which provides a framework for weighing all the various claims and stakeholder concerns so as to reach a socially responsible decision. It also helps an organization learn:
- How people feel about the organization and the industry it is in
- What issues the organization should rethink/reevaluate its position on
- What the organisation should do differently to improve its position.

Managing Conflicts

Thanks to Sudeeptha from Transandix for a wonderful training session - both the trainer and training were captivating:

Managing varied personalities to align their individual goals with that of the companies is crucial for the success of any business.
None of us is as good as all of us; Team itself means:
T- Together
E- Everyone
A-Achieve
M- More

Every team would have some dysfunctions, we need to confront and change them.
Inspire the team to thrive; use interpersonal skill to build effective teams. Be emotionally intelligent to be successful. Qualities for effective team are:

• Good interpersonal communication
• Clear Goals
• Relevant skills
• Mutual Trust
• Unified Commitment
• Internal & External support

Engaged Team is and Effective team; and every team would have the below team members – Engagement Matrix:
Information By Standars: Through 1X1’s need to understand key driving factor, and bring them to next level Champions: They are multitasking specialists, we need to start delegating daily and on-going jobs
Weaklinks: Need to provide on-going feedback pertaining to performance. May mostly need assisting, planning and organising their time and work. Loose Cannons: Need to sustain the commitment level, while working on the empowering knowledge
Commitment


The different roles people play are:
1) Action oriented role :- Give momentum to work.
2) People oriented role:- Bring in team spirit
3) Cerebral Roles:- Gives strategy and direction.

As per Belbin Associates – Team Role summary sheet; various Team-Role Descriptions are:
Team Role Contribution Allowable Weakness
Plant Creative, Imaginative, Unorthodox, solves difficult problems Ignores incidentals. Too Preoccupied to communicate effectively
Resource Investigator Extrovert, Enthusiastic, communicative. Explores opportunities. Develops contacts Over-optimistic. Loses interest once initial enthusiasm has passed.
Co-Ordinators Mature, Confident, good chairperson, clarifies goals, promotes decision-making, delegates well. Can be seen as manipulative. Offloads personal work.
Shaper Challenging, dynamic, thrives on pressure. The drive and courage to overcome obstacles. Prone to provocation. Offends people’s feelings.
Monitor Evaluator Sober, strategic and discerning. Sees all options. Judges accurately Lacks drive and ability to inspire others.
Teamworker Co-operative, mild, perceptive and diplomatic. Listens, builds, averts friction. Indecisive in crunch situations.
Implementer Disciplined, reliable, conservative and efficient. Turns ideas into practical actions Somewhat inflexible. Slow to respond to new possibilities.
Completer Finisher Painstaking, conscientious, anxious, Searches out errors and omissions. Delivers on time. Inclined to worry unduly. Reluctant to delegate.
Specialists Single-minded, self-starting, dedicated. Provides knowledge and skills in rare supply. Contributes on only a narrow front. Dwells on technicalities.


We need all of them, for different phases in a job viz:
Phase Role 1 Role 2
1) Need Identification Shaper Co-ordinator
2) Idea Generation Plant Resource Investigation specialist
3) Plans Monitor Evaluation
4) Contacts Resource Investigator Team worker
5) Organisation Implementer Co-ordinator
4) Follow Through Complete Finisher Implementor

Also the opposite roles are played by the below who can be very well buddied:
1. Shaper & Team worker
2. Resource investigator & Complete Finisher
3. Plant & Implementer
4. Co-ordinator & Specialist
5. Monitor Evaluator

The 5 Dysfunctions and the related role of a leader are:
Dysfunction Role of a Leader
Absence of Trust Be vulnerable (tell stories of failure without jeopardising own or organisations reputation)
Fear of Conflict Demand Debate. Demonstrate restraint when team members engage in conflict.
Lack of Commitment Force Clarity and Closure. Constantly push the group for closure around issues and adherence to schedule, the team has set.
Avoidance of Accountability Confront difficult issues. Be willing to serve as the ultimate arbitral of discipline when the team itself fail.
Inattention to Results Focus on collective outcome. Set the tone for a focus on result. Be selfless and reserve the R&R for those who make real contribution to achievement of group goals.

We need to learn from Geese – The lessons they teach are – Mutual respect, Courage & Encouragement:
• They stick together in a ‘V shaped’ formation
• 70% of the hit is taken by the first person.
• Different bird’s take leadership.
• Last one only glides.
• They all make noise during their flight.
• Empower – quality honking

We need to treat people as per their personality type. Give black smith treatment for Iron (touch) – and Diamond treatment for Coal (soft).

Migration

The universe is one being. Everything and everyone is interconnected through an invisible web of stories. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a silent conversation. Do no harm. Practise compassion. And do not gossip behind anyone’s back – not even a seemingly innocent remark! The words that come out of our mouths do not vanish, but are perpetually stored in infinite space, and they will come back to us in due time. One man’s pain will hurt us all. One man’s joy will make everyone smile.

We all look for comfort, stability, peace and happiness. But not all of us are blessed to have this. 93% of the people want to migrate from Syria, while 83% of people have been migrating into Lebanon, being host to refugees and asylum seekers mostly from Syria, and also from Palestine and Iraq.

The ongoing Syrian Civil War was inspired by the Arab Spring revolutions. It began in 2011 as a chain of peaceful protests, followed by a crackdown by the Syrian Army.In July 2011, army defectors declared the formation of the Free Syrian Army and began forming fighting units. The opposition is dominated by Sunni Muslims, whereas the leading government figures are Alawites. According to various sources, including the United Nations, up to 100,000 people had been killed by June 2013. To escape the violence, over 2.1 million Syrian refugees have fled to neighboring countries of Jordan, Iraq, Lebanon, and Turkey. An estimated 450,000 Syrian Christians have fled their homes. As the civil war has dragged on, there have been worries that the country could become fragmented and cease to function as a state.

A colleague of mine from Germany, what she does is:
"In my spare time I support refugees mainly from Syria, Afghanistan, Eritrea and Mali who come to Germany with nothing apart their clothes.
Beside organizing what is needed on a daily life basis I organize translaters for them, psychologist, doctor appointment.

My organization has set up a pool of volunteers who help them out by organizing and accompany them to doctor’s appointments as almost all of them are traumatized, especially the woman who got raped in many cases. But also the children who have often lost their mothera or their fathers on their journey.

Beside the organizational part I am in touch with the local press and the mayor to coordinate the public relations part – mainly to convince local citizens more people will help us on a voluntary basis but I also try to convince companies to donate fabric, curtains whatever is needed. Most of them are happy to help but it has to be coordinated as well.

I also organize the monthly meeting with 30 volunteers and are in touch with several institution to set up German classes for the once who have arrived without speaking any German, try to convince teachers to “restart” on a volunteer basis to teach some German. A lot of refugees have to wait up to a year until they get their final residence and are not allowed to work or even to move out of the district without an extra permission which is hard to get."

It is still not enough and it depresses me but you can finally not save the whole world. Over the years I was able to engage more and more people . The main issue those refugees have is that they are isolated. It is not about the money. They simple want to belong to our society and this starts with the language.

The past is an interpretation. The future is an illusion. The world does not move through time as if it were a straight line, proceeding from the past to the future. Instead time moves through us and within us, in endless spirals. Eternity does not mean infinite time, but simply timelessness. If you want to experience eternal illumination, put the past and the future out of your mind and remain within the present moment. The present moment is all there is and all that there will ever be.

When people migrate, they suffer more - of loss of property, hardship, harrasment and what not. When we are unable to hear of face them in a stable life, the plight of the migrants are unbearable.

POSH

Hell is the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present in this very moment. Every time we fall in Love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell. Is there a worse hell than the torment a man suffers when he knows deep down in his conscience that he has done something awfully wrong? Ask that man. He will tell you what hell is. Is there a better paradise than the bliss that descends upon a man at those rare moments in life, when the bolts of the universe fly open and he feels in possession of all the secrets of eternity and united with God? Ask that man. He will tell you what heaven is. - Says Elif Shafak, in her book the 40 Rules of Love.

Indeed we can see this around us now. On this mother earth, where mothers are Torn, tormented, terrified. Tired of reading news on how women are tortured. Will there be no end to this? Nirbhaya, Sowmya, Jisha - some of the known ones, and so many unknown ones. What the heck is happening now? Is there hands of corrupt politicians behind this, at this point in time when elections are round the corner? In Kerala, after Perumbavoor and Varkala it is Mannarkadu!! 8 year old girl by her father..!!! This is just getting worst day by day..We need some action...Why still nobody is bothered? Why don't we see Arnab's of the country talking about this?

At one end people leave in posh, when we really need POSH - Prevention of sexual harrasment. As said by Siddique in Amar Akbar Antony, very few of us know the pain and react, unless something really happen to us. It is high time, we put an end to this. Undoubtedly it is a taboo on the society and mankind.

If we try to look at why? wondering if it be because need to touch and be touched is one of the basic necessity which many cannot resist. In our society if a girl and a boy talk to each other or continuous to do so for two or three days, people start talking about them, and taking that relationship in the wrong sense. Am not claiming that all that is done in the west is correct, we do have our tradition's and values, and these are highly respected. But earlier tradition allowed some kind of relationship in Indian culture, which are prohibited now. So to fulfill the basic needs, which some are unable to resist, the cruel animal instinct creep into some human beings, and they act violently. They should be treated violently as well.

Sexual violence can come in many forms.

The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim.

Sexual assault victims may be forced through threats or physical means. In about 8 out of 10 sexual assaults, no weapon is used other than physical force. Anyone may be a victim of sexual assault: women, men or children, straight or gay.

So, how can you figure if what happened was rape? There are a few questions to consider.

There are three main considerations in judging whether or not a sexual act is consensual (which means that both people are old enough to consent, have the capacity to consent, and agreed to the sexual contact) or is a crime.

1) Are the participants old enough to consent? Each state sets an “age of consent,” which is the minimum age someone must be to have sex. People below this age are considered children and cannot legally agree to have sex. In other words, even if the child or teenager says yes, the law says no.

2) Do both people have the capacity to consent? States also define who has the mental and legal capacity to consent. Those with diminished capacity — for example, some people with disabilities, some elderly people and people who have been drugged or are unconscious — may not have the legal ability to agree to have sex.

3) Did both participants agree to take part? Did someone use physical force to make you have sexual contact with him/her? Has someone threatened you to make you have intercourse with them? If so, it is rape.

It is brutal, and strict action needs to be taken against those involved. The victim and their family get's into mental depression, and are at times sidelined by the society with a stigma attached, when it is they who need the support. Let us join hands to support them, and ensure that the people who carry out these atrocities are severely punished; to such an extend that those who hear about it, fear of ever thinking of doing such act.