Why even smart leaders avoid difficult converstation? Junie George Varghese
The 5th Mantra : The communication Fitness Studio.
Perception
Problem
Cost
Cause
Way forward
Why avoidence happen and what happens if we continue?
Know the Architucture of difficult conversation, bring focus back on clarity and timeliness.
Perception - What really is happening?
Strength becomes weaknesses. Note down the strengths on LHS and then discuss the weakness out of it.
Intelligence - Overthinking_Justification
Experience - Pattern Bias, Consequences
Authority - Reputation,
Empathy - Hesitation
Skills that build leadership is threatening when it comes to communication
Problem
Judegment Distortion - Silence confused with patence, maturity and respect, not always skill gap.
Abstract trap - 'Radical Condor' book emphasising on clarity - Compromising clarity . Give guidemap on how to improve.
Ping-pong effect - competing version of reality, objective gap.
Power increases avoidence - filtered feedback, truth becomes expensive.
Leadership training focusing on:
What to say
How to structure feedback
Which model to use?
Question is not can you handle difficult conversations?
Question is What has your intelligence helped you avoid?
Leadership doesn't remove fear. It just gives fear better vocabulary.
Cost : The invisible Tax of Avoidance.
Leadership think they are buying time, but they are buying damage at compound interest.
The Multiplier Effect: Shadow narrative, ambiguity. Clarity is important, not just the language.
Cultural Erosion: Standars blur, erosion of psychological safety and accountability
Innovation blockage: Echo chamber
The Human Sustainability Crises: Delegation to HR (identity & Credibility issues, 65% burnout)
Micro failure: 'Job hugging', 'quiet cracking', 'Mediocrity' accelerating turnover - (Chipko movement)
Galiups State of Global workplace 2025 report. 21% of employees are really engaged.
Significance of lack of communication is leading to serious consequence.
Cause - The 'why'.
The Amygdala Hijack - 'Word can change your brain' limbic system overpowers. Fight, Freeze Flight mode. Handling failure is important, but even important is handling success. Are you becoming defensive when put in a tight spot?
Cognitive Callibration - Preempt worst outcome, Decision paralysis. (People have positive and negative experience - but some pick either first. There is a pattern, without realising)
The 'Nice vs. Kind' trap: 'Crucial conversation'. Nice vs. Kind talk. Leader need to say what is needed. Truth vs. Bonds, Protect identity.
Complex cultural, regulatory and legislative landscape: 'Saying the wrong thing'
Asynchonous Friction - Channel failure, matching complexity to richness of medium
Not mapping the conversation - Improvise vs. Architecture
Presence of AI: Pressure to be 'perfectly human'.
Way forward - Not approches or models, but few pathways.
Decrease your 'Conversational Latency', Rely on the structure of clarity.
Identify a specific conversation you have been 'saving for later'.
Ask "What meaning will my silence create"
Reframe "How do I say this?' to
"Which identity am I protecting by staying silent?"
"What identity do I strengthen by speaking clearly?"\
Will you lead the conversation, or will it lead you?
"Communication is judged not by intent, but by what is understood" ~ Peter Drucker.
Dont confuse intent with impact.
Take stand without thinking too much of what others would think. Communication begins in the mind. Our thought process, mindset, belief all of this is going to have an impact in the way we understand and impact. Communication is not just talking and listening or verbal and non verbal.
Ratan Tata - lift story - asking let the guest take lift. He knew how to do it well withoug belitting others.
Integrate Gen Zee and Gen Alpha.
People want to be respected and seen. There needs to be trust. There should be human connect.
Vulnarability, is what makes us real. We are going to come with flaws. It is a part of us. Same is the case with people in power. Bring back focus on having conversation.
Former PM P.V. Narasimha Rao. Silence is golden. You have to know the difference between silence being a strategy, and silence being a default.
Perception is a very dangerous game to play. You cannot go around doctoring minds.
You should know when to keep quite and when to speak. Know when to be quite and when to be expressive.
In a meeting everyone agree, but outside mostly disagree, real issue is misalignment.
