Four Rare Habits Arthur Brooks

Arthur Brooks identifies four rare habits that contribute to happiness, which he refers to as a "happiness pension plan." These habits are:

Transcendence: Engaging in activities that connect you with something larger than yourself, such as prayer, meditation, or spending time in nature.

Family: Maintaining strong family relationships, even when they are challenging, as these bonds are crucial for emotional well-being.

Friends: Building real friendships that provide meaningful connections and support.

Meaningful Work: Finding purpose in your work by earning success based on merit and serving others, creating value for society. 

These habits are not just about personal joy but also about thriving in academic environments and enhancing wellbeing. By cultivating these habits, individuals can combat burnout, enhance focus, and foster resilience amid academic stresses. 

Fostering Peace

 Stopping terrorism and fostering peace and harmony is a massive, long-term goal that requires efforts on multiple levels—from governments and international bodies to communities and individuals. Here’s a comprehensive look at what can be done:

 1. Address Root Causes

Terrorism often stems from a mix of:

• Poverty
• Lack of education
• Political marginalization
• Religious/ethnic discrimination
• Loss of identity or purpose

What can be done:

• Invest in education and job creation, especially in high-risk areas.
• Promote inclusive governance and fair resource distribution.
• Tackle corruption and injustice, which can fuel radicalization.

2. Strengthen Counter-Terrorism Measures (Without Human Rights Violations)

• Modernize intelligence and surveillance using technology like AI and data analytics.
• Improve coordination between nations to track and neutralize global terror networks.
• Enforce strict cyber laws to monitor online radicalization and extremist propaganda.
• De-radicalization programs for individuals returning from extremist groups.

3. Promote Interfaith & Cross-Cultural Dialogue

• Hate thrives in silence and segregation.
• Organize community forums, youth exchanges, and joint celebrations.
• Promote stories of shared values and cooperation between communities.
• Empower faith leaders and influencers to speak against violence and misinformation.

4. Educate Early – Schools and Families

• Introduce peace education in school curricula.
• Encourage critical thinking, tolerance, and digital literacy.
• Foster empathy and conflict-resolution skills from an early age.

5. Strengthen Community Vigilance & Resilience

• Train communities to identify early signs of radicalization.
• Encourage people to report suspicious behavior without fear.
• Support local NGOs and youth groups that work on community development and peacebuilding.

6. Regulate Hate Speech & Propaganda Online

• Hold social media platforms accountable for amplifying hate speech and extremist content.
• Improve international collaboration for tracking terror funding and propaganda.
• Promote positive narratives and counter-messaging.

7. Psychological and Social Support

Many individuals drawn to terrorism have experienced trauma, alienation, or abuse.

Provide mental health services, rehabilitation, and safe spaces to process identity and belonging.

🇮🇳 In the Indian Context:

Promote unity in diversity: “Sabka Saath, Sabka Vikas, Sabka Vishwas” should be more than a slogan.

Focus on border security, deradicalization of youth in vulnerable regions like Kashmir, and transparent justice systems.

What You Can Do:

• Spread kindness and understanding in your circle.
• Speak up against hate speech—online or offline.
• Support organizations and movements that work for peace.
• Educate yourself and others on cultures, religions, and the value of coexistence.

🧠 1. Stay Informed – But Responsibly

Follow verified news sources to stay updated, but avoid amplifying unverified or sensational content.

Be aware of how misinformation spreads during such events and help counter it with facts.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 2. Support the Victims and Their Families

Contribute to verified fundraisers or initiatives supporting victims and their families.

Send messages of solidarity or participate in memorials — these gestures matter more than we think.

🕊️ 3. Promote Peace and Unity

Speak up against hate speech, xenophobia, and division — both online and in real life.

Encourage inclusive dialogue in your community or workplace.

🧩 4. Educate Yourself and Others

Understand root causes of radicalization — often it's a mix of socio-economic, psychological, and ideological factors.

Organize or join workshops, seminars, or discussions on peacebuilding and counter-extremism.

🌐 5. Use Your Online Presence Wisely

Amplify voices of peace, resilience, and factual information.

Report extremist content or hate speech on social media platforms.

🤝 6. Volunteer or Collaborate

Work with NGOs or community organizations involved in conflict resolution, trauma support, or youth engagement.

Even if you can only spare a few hours a month, your effort counts.

🗳️ 7. Participate in Democracy

Vote for leaders and policies that promote harmony, justice, and strong national security with respect for human rights.

Engage with policymakers through petitions, letters, or peaceful advocacy.

🧘 8. Take Care of Yourself

Terror incidents can be mentally and emotionally exhausting — it's okay to feel overwhelmed.

Talk to someone. Don’t bottle it up. Your mental well-being is key to taking any positive action.

Would you like suggestions for any organizations or causes you could directly support or volunteer with?

This is the thought going on in people's mind.  Hate never destroys hate. 

The Pahalgam attack was carried out by religious extremists, same as the lynchings of countless innocents across the world. What is the common factor here? Religious extremism. Not Hinduism or Islam.

If you are a fan of the Hindu fundamentalists currently running our country, you are part of the problem. If you support Israel's genocide of Palestinians, you are part of the problem. If you support Erdogan's Islamisation of Turkiye, you are part of the problem. You just don't carry a gun and go about shooting people, that's all.

Remember that before pointing fingers. As Swami Vivekananda said, when you are pointing a finger, three are pointing back at you.

Good point by Rajdeep. Kashmir is 99% Muslim NOW. But it was 100% Hindu, Buddhist, & Jain 2000 years ago. 0% Muslim even 1000 years ago.  It was 70% Hindu in 1500s. It was at least 10% Sikhs during partition. Even 40 years ago it was 30% Hindu. What happened to our dharmics now?

A Little Book Of Happiness ~ Ruskin Bond (18 of 2025)

 

Most of us are chasing happiness like it’s something we have to earn. We think we’ll find it in a promotion, a trip, a relationship, or some perfect version of ourselves that’s always just out of reach. But what if you’ve been looking in the wrong direction?

Ruskin Bond, with his quiet brilliance, invites you to stop running.

In A Little Book of Happiness, he doesn’t give you a formula or a list of goals. Instead, he offers you something far more valuable—a way of seeing. A way of remembering that happiness isn’t loud, isn’t rare, and isn’t far away. It’s already here, sitting quietly beside your cup of tea, in the rain against your window, in the voice of someone you love.

Here are five gentle but profound lessons from this small book that could quietly change the way you live:

1. Stop chasing happiness—it’s already beside you.

You don’t need to escape to the mountains to feel peace. You don’t need a new version of yourself to deserve joy. Bond urges you to pause—to truly look at your everyday life. The morning sunlight through your window, the smell of something baking, the smile of your child—these are happiness. You’re not missing out. You’re just not noticing.

Bond writes, “Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp—but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” The truth is, the more you chase, the more you overlook what’s right in front of you.

2. Let nature soften your edges.

You don’t need a screen. You need a sky. Bond shows us that one of the simplest ways to reconnect with joy is to reconnect with the natural world. Go outside. Watch the clouds shift. Listen to birdsong without rushing back inside. Nature doesn’t demand anything from you—and that’s why it heals.

He writes about trees like old friends, the wind like a gentle reminder. And it’s in those moments—leaning on a balcony railing, watching leaves dance—that your body starts to unclench. Let nature remind you that you’re alive, not just surviving.

3. Stop fearing silence—your soul needs it.

We fill our lives with noise to drown out the discomfort of being alone. But solitude isn’t the enemy. In fact, Bond argues, it’s where clarity begins. In silence, you finally hear what you’ve been ignoring: your thoughts, your longings, your truth.

“When I’m alone, I’m not lonely,” Bond reflects. “I’m in the best company I know.” Start small. A five-minute break from scrolling. A quiet walk without music. Slowly, you’ll notice the beauty in your own company. And from that stillness, happiness begins to bloom.

4. Happiness often hides in your memories—go visit them.

We’re so busy chasing what’s next that we forget to cherish what was. Bond draws joy from little things: the sound of his grandfather’s laughter, a letter he once received, a monsoon afternoon from decades ago. Your memories are a personal treasure chest—open them. Revisit an old song. Reread a childhood book. Remember a moment when you felt light.

Nostalgia isn’t weakness—it’s a doorway back to your essence. When life feels heavy, let your own story remind you of who you are.

5. You don’t need more. You just need to feel more.

Bond doesn’t tell you to fix your life. He tells you to feel it. To stop rushing through it. The problem isn’t that you’re not happy—the problem is that you’ve stopped noticing when you are. He writes, “It is the simple things that bring the most happiness: a walk in the woods, a chat with a friend, a good book, a steaming cup of tea.”

Start paying attention to those moments when your heart softens. That’s it. That’s all happiness is—a series of soft, honest, unforced moments.

In a world that measures worth by noise, speed, and accomplishment, this book will slow your heartbeat. It will remind you that you don’t have to become someone else to feel joy. You just have to be here.

So if you’ve been feeling tired, numb, or like life is slipping past you—sit with this book. Let Bond’s wisdom wrap around you like an old sweater. He doesn’t promise to fix your life. But he’ll help you fall in love with it again.

And that, perhaps, is the truest happiness there is.

Happiness

 Dr. Robert Waldinger is the fourth director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has studied the lives of its 700+ original participants and their 1,300+ direct descendants for over 85 years. Here is his conversation with Sahil Bloom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVJxMMIj6-0

It is considered the longest-running longitudinal study on adult life, health, and happiness.

1. Relationship Satisfaction Impacts Health

"Relationship satisfaction at age 50 was the single greatest predictor of physical health at age 80."

Relationship satisfaction was a more effective predictor of health at age 80 than cholesterol, blood pressure, or any other health marker tracked by the study.

The strength and quality of your relationships has a direct and powerful impact on your physical health as you age.

2. Loneliness Has Real Consequences (& It's More Prevalent Than Ever)

Loneliness is on the rise.

60% of adults say they don't feel very connected to others. The amount of time teenagers are spending in person with their friends is down 70% over the last two decades.

And unfortunately, loneliness has consequences.

A number of studies—including Dr. Waldinger's Harvard Study—have found that the health impact of loneliness is quite dire.

Chronic loneliness has been found to increase dementia risk by up to 50%.

Lack of social connection is worse for your health than tobacco and alcohol abuse, obesity, and more.

3. Make "Social Fitness" a Priority

Dr. Waldinger says our social health should be thought of in the same manner as our physical health—that it's the result of tiny daily actions that compound over long periods of time.

Make your social health a part of your daily routines: When you think something nice about someone, let them know right then, tell your partner one thing you appreciate about them every single day, reach out to that friend and catch up, plan that dinner.

Your daily social health actions compound. Build your Social Fitness.

4. Check Your Energy to Improve Your Life

Check your energy level after spending time with someone. Do you feel energized or drained?

Spend more time with your energy creators and less time with your energy drainers. Your life will improve.

5. Ambivalent Relationships are the Most Toxic

Ambivalent relationships—those that are sometimes supportive and sometimes demeaning—are actually worse for your health than purely demeaning relationships.

A variety of studies on humans and animals have shown that ambivalent relationships have sharper negative health consequences than purely toxic ones.

Audit your relationships. It may be time to reduce the energy given to these people.

Vitality & Endurance

 Vitality is Authentic Happiness. 

Synonyms of vitality (noun energy, spirit) clout. continuity. endurance. exuberance.

Endurance is the ability to continue doing something painful or difficult for a long period of time without complaining

“The opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s vitality.”

"Vitality in life is directly proportional to the vividness of your vision, the articulation of your speech, and the clarity of your mission. That’s the source of your vitality. We automatically plateau when we don’t have a clear vision but when our vision is clear, we have vitality. Vitality is automatically also proportionate to the details you put in your mind. So if you’ve got everything delegated and you’re clear about what you do, your vitality is up. And when you do something you love to do, you don’t age as much. ……….anytime you’re doing lower priority things, you’re more in your amygdala. The amygdala is always trying to avoid pain and seek pleasure and so it tends to subjectively skew your reality. You tend to then have a fear of loss of your infatuations and a fear of gain of your resentments and you are living in phobias, and that ages you. It puts time and space in your mind and occupies your mind and distracts you. That’s what ages you and that’s what entropy is.  – Dr. John Demartini"

Here, Vividness means clarity or brightness, like the vividness of a specific, distinct childhood memory or the vividness of a glowing neon sign on a clear night. When something is vivid, it's brilliant, powerful, or sharp, and the quality of being vivid is vividness. 

Entropy is a way of measuring the amount of order present or absent in a system

Articulation is the act of expressing something in a coherent verbal form, or an aspect of pronunciation involving the articulatory organs.

Infactuation is a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something : strong and unreasoning attachment.

Vitality is the state of being full of energy. It is the capacity to live and develop physical or mental vigor. In both the physical and mental sense, vitality refers to a feeling of aliveness. The word itself is derived from vita or "life." In the physical sense, this vitality refers to feeling healthy and capable and energetic.

Resentment is a feeling of angry displeasure.

Amygdala, region of the brain primarily associated with emotional processes. The name amygdala is derived from the Greek word amygdale, meaning “almond,” owing to the structure's almondlike shape.

When people talk about stamina, they often use it to refer to the feeling of being peppy or energetic while doing an activity. Endurance refers to your body's physical capability to sustain an exercise for an extended period.

More endurance means more running, dodging, attacking and equip burden. If I can dodge a lot, I can probably avoid a vast majority of what the game throws at me. If I raise my vitality, I can take one or two hits more while moving slower/attacking less/dodging less.

Endurance is a step ahead of vitality, since just about everything takes away your health bar, being able to evade, block and/or attack more helps tremendously.

As nouns the difference between endurance and vitality is that endurance is the measure of a person's stamina or persistence while vitality is the capacity to live and develop.

Vitality is the capacity to live and develop Energy or vigour That which distinguishes living from nonliving things; life, animateness Related terms * devive * revive * survive * viable * vital * vivid * vitalism

The measure of a person's stamina or persistence.He has great endurance , he ran a marathon and then rode his bicycle home.

Ability to endure hardship.

Serene Mind, Soul Sync and Remove Stress

There are thoughts 'n' number of them, that cross our mind day in and day out.

Some broadly divide these into Positive thoughts and negative thoughts. 

What are negative thoughts? 

They are anything that would create stress in you. 

“Stress comes from not taking action, about something that you can control. As soon as you identify and take action to address the situation, it helps reduce stress. It comes from ignoring what you need to do. You can be in or out of work and be in stress. If you keep worrying and do nothing, you would be stressed.”

Stress state can be broadly divided into three:

• Stress from Anger - This could lead to frustration, 
• Stress from Fear - Fear is mostly about future, leading you to anxiety. 
• Stress from Sorrow - Sorrow or sadness come out of something that has happened in the past, and lead you to depression. 

Suppressed anger hurts us in 3 ways.

One, it causes chronic diseases among us. Anger is a destructive force.

Two, it become addiction and hurt us. Unable to cope with the anger that consumes us, we fall into destructive habits like stealing, overeating, and quitting in the middle of work.

Three, anger leads to maddened crying and despair.

It is natural to get angry and frustrated for a while. But it must dissolve. When anger lingers in our thoughts it will consume you so much that if it goes into extreme, you might even get heart attack or brain haemorrhage. 

Your anger will not make you remember the good in them just like the night make sky invisible.

Changes brought about by anger, hatred and violence in any system are either irreversible or spread like an infectious disease. 

Getting angry again and again will make you desensitized and become a beast.

In anger you have a monkey mind. Your freedom is to let go of anger as the monkey is free to let go of sweets. Put the anger aside for a few moments and don't blame yourself, think about how much anger has cost you. Finally practice Serene mind.

So with fear and sorrow. 

The opposite of this is the state of satisfaction, joy, happiness, peace, bliss. 

There are various ways, in which you can move from one state of mind to another, in case you try; or you can continue to be in your present state.

There could be a regular practise you follow, a music, dance, drawing, getting into nature. 

Serene mind practice do not take much time, its a 3 minute task

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXg8xcWBMuo

• Close your eyes. Pay attention to your breathe. Inhale and Exhale deep. 
• What is the exact emotion that is arising within you right now? - fear , anger, frustration, sorrow, sadness, love, joy, peace? Identify the exact emotion. Absorb the movement of your mind. Are you obsessed about your past, your future, or are you living in the present?
• See a flame, see a flame move from the centre of your forehead to your skull. See the flame glow in the middle of your skull. Bring a smile to your face and open your eyes. 

Continue doing this practise whenever you feel disturbed. 

Joy matters, it is important, to bring joy to your life. A you bring constant attention to your inner state, your state would transform. 

Practice the soul sync meditation It will not take more than 15 minutes. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO8tQkjCpyc

Sit erect with palms up, concentrate on breathing. 

1. For every breath you take, touch your thumb to different fingers. In this manner take 8 complete breath. Keep touching the finger and bring attention back to breath. 
2. Inhale and while exhaling create a humming sound. Each time you hum touch the tip of your finger and do it 8 times like the previous step. 
3. When you breath slowly, there is a pause between inhalation and exhalation. Bring attention to that point. Keep count of your breath by touching your finger tips. Observe 8 breath pauses in this manner. 
4. Internally chant the mantra 'Aham' eight times on your exhale, touching your finger tips. 
5. Touch you index finger with your thumb, and visualise your limited self expanding into cosmic self. Without boundaries, limitations, into the limitless field of consciousness, of endless possibilities. 
6. Make an intention for the manifestation of one desire, visualise and feel that it is happening. Feel the sense of fulfilment and joy. When ready take a deep breath and Open your eyes. 

Thanks to Sasiman, for the invite for this session at the Ramakrishna Mission Ashram at Azad road. 

Do what you love, Stress happen when you procrastinate. Life takes over and you are stressed. Stress comes by not taking action. The mere fact that you are addressing the problem, relives the stress. Good stress is working and bad stress is not taking action. Take on positive pressure and action.

What is the use of all the knowledge, unless you can put it into practise. 

Happiness is my nature

Happiness is who I am

Happiness and Love is what I radiate to everyone

I am a Happy Being

I am a loveful soul

Powerful and divine. 

Let me just check 

in any corner of my mind

or deep in my subconscious

Do I hold any person or any thing

Which I belive is the cause of my emotional hurt

Scan the mind, check, it could be recent, it could be very old.

It could be brused aside, but it is still there deep.

Is there any thing that is the cause of emotional 

Something that happened, someone who was responsible for.

A mistake they made, or a mistake I made

Do I still, in a very suttle way, still blame someone for my hurt?

For the rejection I feel, for the insult I experienced, 

And today, I am certain, I am going to release from my mind

Shift them, not from a painful past

But from present and future full of love and blessings

Because I am a powerful being

What I feel is not because of what they did,

What I feel is because of what I feel they did,

My feelings are because of what I think about them,

I choose forgiveness, I choose acceptance, I choose love

Because that is truely my nature, it is who I am .

It is the vibration,at which I live my life,

Because that is where true happiness is.

Thank you so much. 

come back to the present. 

Only one thing that we need to be happy 'ALWAYS' are - ALWAYS, Because we are happy, but get diverted sometimes. 

Remember, their power is outside. They have the power to say and do what they belive is right. We have the power to think what we belive is right.

Shift from the life of blame, to personal responsibility. 

Creator of our Thoughts and feelings is we ourselves. 'I' the energy - light, power, consciousness, energy - whatever. 

Affirm many times a day.

I am the creator of my thoughts and feelings. 

All the 'because of' has to fall off. 

I choose how to be in the face of stimulus. 

Don't say 'I cannot live without'....You become dependent. Just one shift today say 'I choose to...'

It will become a natural way of living. 'I create the stress...'

Stress = Pressure/Resilience

Pressure is not in my control - it can be current situation in the world, health or any external things. 

It is mind over matter; not matter over mind. 

Happiness means, being emotionally independent. Not just, physical, mental, financial. 

It is power. 

Those using abusive language, are not in the right state of mind, they are emotionally in pain, and what they say and do, is reflecting that. 

Our emotion and thought is our creation. Be empathetic, compassionate and forgive. When you forgive, your are forgiving self. 

I forgive, I forget means - It doesn't hurt anymore. You cannot forget. 

Say 'It's over, I release, I let it go. ' 

I am a empathetic, loving soul. 

Why things happen to us again repeatedly?

I am not this body. When someone die, we say, he is left. Master of the body has left. 

Where do I go? 

Life, after life after life, is just like a costume. 

When  souls meet, in the first go sometimes we feel a connect. Sometimes we have known someone for long, but never feel the connect. 

We are all souls on a journey. Many many karmas, experiences, thoughts, emotional pattern. 

We play role's in this lifetime. If we have Karmic discomfort , it could be for various reasons. So some go through the past life regression. Past is already done. We do not have to worry about it. 

Power lies in the present. What I choose to do in the present, will decide the future. 

So the world say, everything is pre-destined. Pre-destined by whom? By me. 

Past is destiny. Future is Free will. 

Send the energy, that you want to create. 

Focus only on what you are giving in thoughts, feelings and emotions. Forgiveness means I am changing my present Karma. 

If you don't heal your pain's from the womb of mother, from birth, it will be carried with us. 

Affirm every morning and night what we are healing is in the subconscious:

I am a pure powerful soul. 

Purity is my personality.

Love and Happiness is who I am. 

I create happy thoughts always.

I radiate love and compassion to everyone. 

Past is past, is over. 

I am sorry, I am sorry, for what I have done in the past

I forgive you for what you Have done in the present

Our past karmic account is over

I radiate only love and blessings to you because this is who I am

I am the master of my mind

I am the creator of my destiny

🙏 Namaste

Then you travel light, no emotional baggage. 

Light is always happy and pure. Extremely powerful. Simple. 

Release, clean, forgive, everyday before going to bed. 

Apologise, before going to bed. 

Thoughts travel. Clean the clutter from the mind every day. There will be no baggage. 

Radiating happiness is the simplest thing you can do in life. 

When someone is stuck in a state of emotions:

It's like what should I do when I am physically unwell?

Two things - chances of falling ill less lead a good life for emotional immunity system, and then medicine. 

What is needed is:

1. Good rest to the mind, good sleep. It's not about long hours, but deep sleep. Best time is 10 pm to 2 am.  Best waking up time is 4 am to 5 am. 
2. Eat 2.5 hours before sleep. 
3. Don't let negative content get into mind. What we watch, read, listen, is who we become. Content = Destiny = Personality. Consume pure content, 15 minutes before going to sleep and as soon as you wake up. High emotional nutritional content Morning and night. Being informed of what is going in the world is okay, don't consume it. I need to become that which can change the world, and not consume what is happening in the world. 
4. Take Pause of 1 minute every hour. Just a minute meditation. Sit back and reaffirm. 'I am pure and powerful, I let go of what happened in the last hour, and I am available and acceptable in the next hour.'

Diet - self reflection. 

Inspite of that if there is emotional breakdown:

1. Take a book, audio or video and consume it - it will give strength
2. Take a minute, council self, as you were counselling a friend, either say or write. 

Grief - to overcome. 

We are a family of 4 - we lose one. That one lost 3 of us, and the body. How much they have lost? Their pain is more. Soul is going through after body experience. My responsibility now is to heal them, before they enter a new womb a new destiny. It needs to start with Happiness, and power and blessings. 

When I am in pain, our vibration of pain reach them. Radiate gratitude and say farewell with gratitude for memories created. Send them with gratitude and blessings. 

I am a powerful soul, and you are a very very powerful soul. Thank you for every moment with us, and we are still together,  you are still with us..dont worry about us, we will take care of us. You are always with us ...Perfect healthy body, loving mind and all good in your destiny......We will always remember you with love, love and only love and blessings. 

Miss them with love and not with pain. 

Moving out will depend on how much you are attached. More attached, more difficult it will be to leave. Like cloths. Tighter your dress, difficult to remove. Art of living is art of dying, and art of dying. It like people who are constantly travelling, they have bags ready, and can move on. But those not used to travel, will take time to pack and finish of things. 

Conflict's of value vs. Conflict of beliefs and rules are different. 

Enlightment: When I get out of my old way of pain and darkness. We are always on a journey, and it happens every single day. 

When you are with people of Negative energy: - what do you do when someone is physically sick?

1. Begin with self, delete negative from our aura
2. Never thing that he is at a negative energy - say he is a pure soul. 
3. Energy is the fastest thing we can catch, radiate positive one. 
4. Learn how to respond to a stimulas with a positive word, else it would have escalated
5. Heal the soul, and the outside healing would happen, building emotional immunity. Attachment is suttle, and it is addiction. Reflect on the soverginity, and not the current identity. Recognise with the clarity of love. Remember you are talking to a pure beautiful soul, not the labels.  You have to see it first in yourself. What you see in yourself is what you will see in others. 

Most of us doubt our believes and believe our doubts. If you experience the life you focus on, understand meaning. 

Know the difference between I and mine. Don't say they will go through. We are empowered, we empower them. 

Let go, Self respect is not on public approval. It's a deep conditioning. Self- esteem should not be based on public approval. 

Don't change and become what the world want you to be. 

Prime, the mind and body, to be you. Pure souls. Anyone bullying, will not effect. 

Happy Mind, Happy Life

Literally a heavy book, with lot of pictures, slightly bigger font then most books, colourful, but content is not difficult to grasp for those who have been reading lot of self help books, but it has it's own unique features, thoughts and charm. 

Nevertheless some comments on the book read:

What you take will change 100% of your life for ever. You do not and will not take the whole of it. 

The advice whilst absolutely sound is nothing remotely revelatory and has been said many times over.  The book has been helpful in so much that I now know for certain, that happiness isn’t found in a book.

Isn't this true about most of the books these days?

Core Happiness Vs Junk Happiness is something new and interesting I learned in this book and the stool. Could very much relate to it. 

According to the author, by strengthening your internal Core Happiness like a muscle in your body, you will reduce negative emotions, become more resilient to everyday stress and experience more joy. They key pillars that support our Core Happiness are:

CONTENTMENT - Being at peace with your life and your decisions. 

CONTROL - Feeling that nothing, within reasons, has the power to overwhelm you. 

ALLIGNMENT - Knowing that the person you want to be and who you are, are one and the same. 

The quick, easy and science-led techniques in this book will help you nurture these essential pillars and feel more in control of your mental wellbeing than even before. 

Happiness is Good for your health, learn how to nurture yours. Happiness = Health.

The book covers 10 simple ways to feel great everyday. The first 9 are me-focused. Each one of us, as adults is ultimately responsible for our own alignment, contentment and sense of being in control. No one can strengthen our core happiness for us. But we are wired to give. "The individualist focus on the self can cause us to suffer." Kindness and compassionate meditation will help. Well all that is in the 10th. All of them in the chronological order are:

1. Write your Happy Ending
2. Eliminate Choice
3. Treat Yourself with Respect
4. Make Time Stand Still
5. Seek Out Friction
6. Talk to Strangers
7. Treat Your Phone like a Person
8. Have Mask less Conversations
9. Go on Holiday Every Day
10. Give Yourself Away

Each of these have beautiful case studies; exercises, quotes and pictures to strengthen your Happiness Muscle. We need to practise it. 

When we reach out to the nearest and quickest solutions - something that make us feel a bit less unhappy, even it it's a short-term fix, it is Junk-happiness. Too much of anything is bad. 

The difference between core and Junk happiness is in the intention. One of the ways you can tell core from Junk Happiness is how you fee when you remember it. If the memory makes you shrink inside, it was almost certainly Junk; if it makes you feel bigger when you remember it, it was probably nourishing you and building core happiness. 

Get Good at Happy!

Journey to Happiness

Know your self first,

Then find your Purpose - Ikigai - A tool 

To find this reason or purpose, experts recommend starting with four questions:

• What do you love?
• What are you good at?
• What does the world need from you?
• What can you get paid for?

Finding the answers and a balance between these four areas could be a route to ikigai for Westerners looking for a quick interpretation of this philosophy. But in Japan, ikigai is a slower process and often has nothing to do with work or income.

In a 2010 survey of 2,000 Japanese men and women, just 31% of participants cited work as their ikigai. ikigai will likely lead to a better life “because you will have something to live for”, not something grand or extraordingay, but the purspose, 

How people understand ikigai can, in fact, often be mapped to two other Japanese ideas – ittaikan and jiko jitsugen. Itaikkan refers to “a sense of oneness with, or commitment to, a group or role”, while jiko jitsugen relates more to self-realization.

• Why you wake up in the morning is - What’s your reason for getting up in the morning? i.e. your Purpose. 
• What you want from life - is your vision/Goal and 
• How you would want to achieve it - or what is done to achieve your goal and the benefits you get out of it - is your mission. 

In other words:

• What - Goal
• Why - Purpose - What's your reason?
• How - Mission - What is done to achieve your goal

The BBC’s vision statement is a good example: ‘to be the most creative organisation in the world’. 

BBC, mission is ‘to enrich people’s lives with programmes and services that inform, educate and entertain’.

BBC, for example, has six public purposes, which are set out by Royal Charter and Agreement. They are: ‘sustaining citizenship and civil society; promoting education and learning; stimulating creativity and cultural excellence; representing the UK, its nations, regions and communities; bringing the UK to the world and the world to the UK; and delivering to the public the benefit of emerging communications technologies and services’.

This should be in alignment with your Values - The Value system:

Alliances are not easy – It will work only when there is alignment in value and mission. Are they in the mindset of giving or taking? These day’s it’s hard for people to come together. Even if there is a small stench of self-interest, the alliance will not work. Alliance need to meet and have some source of inspiration. 

Dr. John D Martini.  – Value Alignment. 

Vitality vs. Longevity : Secret of living a long and happy life. Vitality in life is directly proportional to the vividness of your vision, the articulation of your speech, and the clarity of your mission. That’s the source of your vitality. We automatically plateau when we don’t have a clear vision but when our vision is clear, we have vitality. Vitality is automatically also proportionate to the details you put in your mind. So if you’ve got everything delegated and you’re clear about what you do, your vitality is up. And when you do something you love to do, you don’t age as much. ……….anytime you’re doing lower priority things, you’re more in your amygdala. The amygdala is always trying to avoid pain and seek pleasure and so it tends to subjectively skew your reality. You tend to then have a fear of loss of your infatuations and a fear of gain of your resentments and you are living in phobias, and that ages you. It puts time and space in your mind and occupies your mind and distracts you. That’s what ages you and that’s what entropy is.  – Dr. John Demartini

Value Alignment: Understand top three values, you will be able to add value to other value, and help make money. If you don’t fill your day with high priority actions, it will automatically be filled with low priority distractions. 

Some times we are to busy being too busy being too busy

Asking 11 questions, identify values.Top three item that fill out your

1. Space: 
2. Time: 
3. Energy: where does it not drain?
4. Money: Where are you spending most of your money?
5. Organized: Where people need not tell you to do it
6. Disciplined & Reliable: Top three areas of your life?
7. Dominant Thoughts:
8. Visualize Most:
9. Inspires you the most:
10. Consistent Long term goals:
11. What do you want to study?

From the answers to the above questions what is your 

• 3 Highest Values?
• 3 least values?

Spend time doing things of highest value. 

Top 3 Action you must stop – (Automate, Delegate, outsource) : 

Top 3 Actions you must start – 

Commit yourself. 

Value Alignment: Understand top three values, you will be able to add value to other value, and help make money. If you don’t fill your day with high priority actions, it will automatically be filled with low priority distractions. 

What kind of lifestyle would you want to live? - Minimalistic, materialistic, middle path. In other words, i.e. Fame, Freedom? 

Once you identify these, there is something more to do. 

Goals are like GPS - you know where you are, where you want to be; but the most important thing is getting there. 

• Understand
• Manage - Mind, Space, Objects, (MSO); Time (Allocation, Energy, Money), Body - Can use SAVERS Technique - Silence/Affirmations/Visualisation/Exercise/Reading/Scribing
• Accelerate - Networking, circle, energy balls. 

Have BHAG - and sub goals. 

Results/current Reality = Action+Emotions+Thoughts+Beliefs+seeds (10% conscious , 50% to 60% subconscious and 30% to 40% is unconscious mind) If you compare mind to a computer, Conscious Mind= Keyboard Monitor, Subconscious mind =RAM and Unconscious Mind =ROM. To change your reality, first, you must know it clearly. Your thoughts influence your reality. If we want to change something, we must first know what to change. Story: A king, could see only green - he painted everything green in kingdom, and asked all to wear only green, when he could have used a green spectacle  himself. Clarity on reality is the first step to mastery. Change is tough in the beginning, back breaking in the middle, and magnificent at the end. If not tough, its not real change. 

Life is a journey from B to D and there is C in between. Choices, chances, changes, connections. 

Goal setting is a conscious process, and achieving goal is an unconscious process .

I/10th of Iceberg is above the surface and 9/10th is below the surface. What we see in front of you is what is above the iceberg.

Below the iceberg - Actions, decisions, emotions, opportunities, habits, personality, expectation set points and experience. 

• the root - Upto 7 years - experiences - Reptilian brain is developed.
• Stems - mammalian brain - emotional brain
• RAS - Reticular Activation System - Bundle of nerves sitting between reptilian brain and Mammalian brain - Inner composs. - It works as a magnet to attract opportunities to make more money and have a better life.  - Don't understand the difference though between positive and negative. 
• When we spend time, money or energy on something, your attention goes there more. When you get something for free, we do not cherish it. 
• RAS is the gatekeeper in the brain. It stops the strangers. - Our Goals are strangers, with it there is a potential threat. There is a good news and bad news. bad news is this is designed when you were 7 years old, we are in a loop of creating same experiences. Good news is  neuro plastic. i.e. it has ability to constantly change. It will go through the same cycle, unless you break the loop, and it can be broken by being a Life long Learner. 

How do you know brain is changing for good? 

Life

Long

Learner

You feel more:

• Energy
• Focus
• Inspired
• Productive

You feel worthy, you break the loop and your focus is on solution. It is now moved from Survival, 

How you create habit and how it is broken

Put together your hands, folded, which thumb is up - right or left? try again, its same. Intentionally put the other. Are you feeling comfortable? No. Why? Because - as child you are used to - Your Reticular Activation System is used to it. 

You might have constant intention to change your habits. Trillions of cells are more powerful than habits, that is connected to the personality. Same personality cannot create changed results. How many thoughts do you remember that we had yesterday? If your thoughts create your reality and you do not remember them , how are we going to change it? 

Transformation is not easy. Only person who like change is the baby in the wet diaper. Everytime you fight you are releasing your A&C. Based on habits, you miss your opportunities. 

We pass out from same place, but get different results. High mark people may not be successful. Why?

Same opportunity, different results?

Answer is who you are is important, rather than what you are. 

Very Important - Example - We set goals, during the first week of January. Think: Reptilian brain - Father, Mammalian brain - Mother, and Neocortex brain is - Child. Child will  ask, are you okay to help me to mother? Mother say okay tell us what you want? Child say - Energy. Father is watching mother and child. He asks mother what is happening? Mother tells him child's pan. Father says okay - but seems reluctant. Two weeks strong. Father is seeing the struggle, he says how initial excitement is and wants to put back in safety mode. Mother is pulled between Father and son, with instances from past being repeated, and the question mark in brain put by father, start getting paranoid and start releasing stress hormones. Son start waking up with drag, think of drooping out from goal in the third week of jan. Father again goes to the mother asking I don't understand why it is needed, says this is not the focus, if you want carry on, I am not with you. Mather is fully into paranoid. A&C released. Mother takes back struggle and survival. 

Which week do you drop your goals?

Only way to get this in order is working on Reptilian brain, release past stored, and allowing it to connect with the neocortex. Bridge is connected.

Burn away your fears. 

Four prescriptions:

• Listen. 
• Reach back.
• Reexamine your motives.
• Write your worries in the sad.

Anyone can ring happiness out of life, if you are worthy of happiness. Rise above circumstances. It's our attitude towards others and life, that determine our happiness. If a person cannot find in the daily life now, they cannot find happiness when they wake up tomorrow morning. 

Every day in our life is successful or unsuccessful. Each of us in reality, shapes our world in our own likeness. 

" Whatever beings there are, may they be free from suffering. Whatever beings there are, may they be free from enmity. Whatever beings there are, may they be free from hurtfulness. Whatever beings there are, may they be free from I'll health. Whatever beings there are, may they be able to protect their own happiness".

A prayer from " The Lizard Cage"  by Karen Connelly

Gratitude and Thanks Giving @ Onondaga Nation School.

 In ‘Braiding Sweetgrass,’ Robin Wall Kimmerer writes about a ritual at Onondaga Nation School. There is no ‘Pledge of Allegiance,’ instead they have a ‘Thanksgiving Address,’ at the beginning and end of each week. Each grade take turns at this. Here are some excerpts from a third graders’ week.'

In this ritual, their teachers remind them that every day, “beginning with where our feet first touch the earth, we send greetings and thanks to all members of the natural world”

“Today we have gathered and when we look upon the faces around us we see that the cycles of life continue. We have been given the duty to live in balance and harmony with each other and all living things. So now let us bring our minds together as one as we give greetings and thanks to each other as People. Now our minds are one.”

“We are thankful to our Mother the Earth, for she gives us everything that we need for life. She supports our feet as we walk about upon her. It gives us joy that she still continues to care for us, just as she has from the beginning of time. To our Mother, we send thanksgiving, love, and respect. Now our minds are one.”

“We give thanks to all of the waters of the world for quenching our thirst, for providing strength and nurturing life for all beings. We know its power in many forms—waterfalls and rain, mists and streams, rivers and oceans, snow and ice. We are grateful that the waters are still here and meeting their responsibility to the rest of Creation. Can we agree that water is important to our lives and bring our minds together as one to send greetings and thanks to the Water? Now our minds are one.”

“We turn our thoughts to all of the Fish life in the water. They were instructed to cleanse and purify the water. They also give themselves to us as food. We are grateful that they continue to do their duties and we send to the Fish our greetings and our thanks. Now our minds are one.

"Now we turn toward the vast fields of Plant life. As far as the eye can see, the Plants grow, working many wonders. They sustain many life forms. With our minds gathered together, we give thanks and look forward to seeing Plant life for many generations to come. Now our minds are one."

"When we look about us, we see that the berries are still here, providing us with delicious foods. The leader of the berries is the strawberry, the first to ripen in the spring. Can we agree that we are grateful that the berries are with us in the world and send our thanksgiving, love, and respect to the berries? Now our minds are one.”

“With one mind, we honor and thank all the Food Plants we harvest from the garden, especially the Three Sisters who feed the people with such abundance. Since the beginning of time, the grains, vegetables, beans, and fruit have helped the people survive. Many other living things draw strength from them as well. We gather together in our minds all the plant foods and send them a greeting and thanks. Now our minds are one.”

"Now we turn to the Medicine Herbs of the world. From the beginning they were instructed to take away sickness. They are always waiting and ready to heal us. We are so happy that there are still among us those special few who remember how to use the plants for healing. With one mind, we send thanksgiving, love, and respect to the Medicines and the keepers of the Medicines. Now our minds are one." 

"Standing around us we see all the Trees. The Earth has many families of Trees who  each have their own instructions and uses. Some provide shelter and shade, others fruit and beauty and many useful gifts. The maple is the leader of the trees, to recognize its gift of sugar when the people need it most. Many peoples of the world recognize a Tree as a symbol of peace and strength. With one mind we greet and thank the Tree life. Now our minds are one. "

"We gather our minds together to send our greetings and thanks to all the beautiful animal life of the world, who walk about with us. They have many things to teach us as people. We are grateful that they continue to share their lives with us and hope that it will always be so. Let us put our minds together as one and send our thanks to the Animals. Now our minds are one. "

"We put our minds together as one and thank all the birds who move and fly about over our heads. The creator gave them the gift of beautiful songs. Each morning they greet the day and with their songs remind us to enjoy and appreciate life. The Eagle was chosen to be their leader and to watch over the world. To all the Birds, from the smallest to the largest, we send our joyful greetings and thanks. Now our minds are one." 

"We are all thankful for the powers we know as the Four Winds. We hear their voices in the moving air as they refresh us and purify the air we breathe. They help to bring the change of seasons. From the four directions they come, bringing us messages and giving us strength. With one mind we send our greetings and thanks to the Four Winds. Now our minds are one."

"Now we turn to the west where our grandfather the Thunder Beings live. With lightning and thundering voices they bring with them the water that renews life. We bring our minds together as one to send greetings and thanks to our Grandfathers, the Thunderers. "

"We now send greetings and Thanks to our eldest brother the Sun. Each day without fail he travels the sky from east to west, bringing the light of a new day. He is the source of all the fires of life. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Brother, the Sun. Now our minds are one. "

"We put our minds together and give thanks to our oldest Grandmother, the Moon, who lights the night time sky. She is the leader of women all over the world and she governs the movement of the ocean tides. By her changing face we measure time and it is the Moon who watches over the arrival of children here on Earth. Let us gather our thanks for Grandmother Moon together in a pile, layer upon layer of gratitude, and then joyfully fling that pile of thanks high into the night sky that she will know. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Grandmother, the Moon. 

"We give thanks to the Stars who are spread across the sky like jewellery. We see them at night, helping the Moon to light the darkness and bringing dew to the gardens and growing things. When we travel at night, they guide us home. With our minds gathered as one, we send greetings and thanks to all the stars. Now our minds are one. "

"We gather our minds to greet and thank the enlightened Teachers who have come to help throughout the ages. When we forget how to live in harmony, they remind us of the way we were instructed to live as people. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to these caring Teachers. Now our minds are one."

"We now turn our thoughts to the Creator, or Great Spirit, and send greetings and Thanks for all the gifts of Creation. Everything we need to live a good life is here on Mother Earth. For all the love that is still around us, we gather our minds together as one and send our choicest words of greetings and thanks to the Creator. Now our minds are one. "

 They end the prayer with this invocation,

“We have now arrived at the place where we end our words. Of all the things we have named, it is not our intention to leave anything out. If something was forgotten, we leave it to each individual to send such greetings and thanks in their own way. And now our minds are one.”

Happiness.....

 

One thing that all crave in life. Once it was a spiritual exercise. Today, it is an industry. It is a choice. Happily everafter. 

It is a biproduct. 

Permanent happiness - is a life long process. Tranquillity is in the highest level - after Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha, and for that you need liberation. 

According to Islam, Happiness is a life long process: It includes peace of mind, tranquillity of heart,  contentment in the world and everlasting bliss here after.

According to Judaism, follower of Moses, it is the ultimate goal of man. Pursuit of happiness is a moral duty. 

It is in the US declaration of Independence. 

It is least understood term. It is simple but complicated. 

Finland is the happiest countries. - Education and govt. policy do play a role. Well being takes a clear policy presidency. 

For one it is survival, for other it is - contentment, peace, laughter,  - It is subject. 

Japan: Good Luck and social harmony

America: Freedom and Personal achievement

China: Aversion to happiness too. They belive that too much happiness can bring unhappiness. 

New Zealand : Happiness and well being budget. 

Butan : Gross national Happiness is more important than Gross domestic product. 

Nordic countries have social support, lack of corruption. 

Danish :  Happiness Research institute. - UAE too. 

What is too much happiness? Can we compare it?

Who is responsible for ensuring happiness? Is it a personal choice or do Govt. have a role to play in it?

Horn your hobbies, do things you love. Money becomes a means only if you are struggling to end meets. Cost Rica - Low in GDP but 16th happiest country. 

Happiness Index - world happiness report - 139 of 149 - Duty of govt. - 6 Key ingredients, Income, Life expectancy, social support, freedom, trust and Generosity, 

Happiness is linked to the wellbeing of the society. Even terrorist are traced back to sad families. 

Happy worker is better worker and more productive. 

Priorities happiness.

It is one of the strongest emotion. Finding. Learning. Finishing. 

It is personal, It is unique and out there for everyone. 

Happiness is spending time in nature: watching the clouds pass by, smelling the trees, admiring the flowers, enjoying a bird's song. Happiness is beech sand under your feet and water around your relaxing body. Happiness is having a good hospital around when you need one. Happiness is a cat purring and a dog playing. Happiness is something nice to eat and drink. Happiness is writing a solid, good paper. Happiness is watching a friend enjoy good fortune.

Unhappiness is getting ill and in pain and not finding the right help. Unhappiness is doing boring things over and over again, without escape. Unhappiness is being mobbed and misunderstood or mislabeled: basically not being respected. Unhappiness is the pain of hunger, especially in your loved ones. Unhappiness is living under constant threat and stress. Happiness is finding the silver lining of the cloud. Happiness is enjoying the little things, when the bigger things can't be achieved (yet). Happiness is finding purpose that is bigger than you.

Two key components of happiness (or subjective well-being) are:

The balance of emotions: Everyone experiences both positive and negative emotions, feelings, and moods. Happiness is generally linked to experiencing more positive feelings than negative.

Life satisfaction: This relates to how satisfied you feel with different areas of your life including your relationships, work, achievements, and other things that you consider important.

We feel we will be happy, when we get a job - but are we happy when we get a job or be stressed and busy? We do not know what we want, and wait for the right moment to be happy, when time is preparing for our funeral. 

Understand just this, essentially My Life is a combination of time and energy. Time is rolling away for all of us. We cannot roll it back. What is ticking away is not our time, but our life. It rolls at the same pace for everyone. Do whatever you want. Energy called life, you can pitch at different level - different expression. How about your expression being that of joy? 

Life is a certain amount of energy, it is not limitless, but it can be enhanced. Impact and profoundness of experience, depend on how you use your energy. 

Life is time and energy. Question is making something out of it. Not in society. But how profoundly you experience life? 

Don't go behind what lowers your faculties. It will not enhance your life. You have to super enhance your faculties. Greatest chemical factory is within. We have a sophisticated machine. Have you read the users manual. Make your faculties super bright. The way you see, the way you feel, the way you hear, the way you taste, the way you touch and other dimensions of human faculties. 

If you have everything you want, what would you want? Gautham Buddha. 

Mortal means you have a limited amount of time and energy.  You decide how you want to live. 

You can be happy volunteering in a hospital ward, and seeing people die, knowing all of us have limited time and energy. Life is an existential reality. There is a psychological reality running in our head. Greatest evil on the planet is ignorance. 

Don't be fearful or in pain. Know and be happy. There are five levels of happiness. 

Some key signs of happiness include:

• Feeling like you are living the life you wanted
• Feeling that the conditions of your life are good
• Feeing that you have accomplished (or will accomplish) what you want in life
• Feeling satisfied with your life
• Feeling positive more than negative

One important thing to remember is that happiness isn't a state of constant euphoria. Instead, happiness is an overall sense of experiencing more positive emotions than negative ones.

Happy people still feel the whole range of human emotions—anger, frustrastion, boredom, loneliness, and even sadness—from time to time. But even when faced with discomfort, they have an underlying sense of optimism that things will get better, that they can deal with what is happening, and that they will be able to feel happy again.

Types of Happiness

There are many different ways of thinking about happiness. For example, the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle made a distinction between two different kinds of happiness: hedonia and eudaimonia.

Hedonia: Hedonic happiness is derived from pleasure. It is most often associated with doing what feels good, self-care, fulfilling desires, experiencing enjoyment, and feeling a sense of satisfaction.

Eudaimonia: This type of happiness is derived from seeking virtue and meaning. Important components of eudaimonic well-being including feeling that your life has meaning, value, and purpose. It is associated more with fulfilling responsibilities, investing in long-term goals, concern for the welfare of other people, and living up to personal ideals.

Hedonia and eudemonia are more commonly known today in psychology as pleasure and meaning, respectively. More recently, psychologists have suggested the addition of the third component that relates to engagement.

Some types of happiness that may fall under these three main categories include:

Joy: A often relatively brief feeling that is felt in the present moment

Excitement: A happy feeling that involves looking forward to something with positive anticipation

Gratitude: A positive emotion that involves being thankful and appreciative

Pride: A feeling of satisfaction in something that you have accomplished

Optimism: This is a way of looking at life with a positive, upbeat outlook

Contentment: This type of happiness involves a sense of satisfaction

Happiness is an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment. While happiness has many different definitions, it is often described as involving positive emotions and life satisfaction. 

When most people talk about happiness, they might be talking about how they feel in the present moment, or they might be referring to a more general sense of how they feel about life overall.

Because happiness tends to be such a broadly defined term, psychologists and other social scientists typically use the term 'subjective well-being' when they talk about this emotional state. Just as it sounds, subjective well-being tends to focus on an individual's overall personal feelings about their life in the present. 

Five levels of happiness ranging from very basic happiness to a false sense of happiness to happy feelings to true and lasting happiness.

Instinctual Happiness

The most basic form of happiness is what I call “instinctual happiness.” This elementary type of happiness can be best described by the old saying, “I’m just happy to be alive!” Instinctual happiness is less real happiness than simply the appreciation for having survived another day.  Instinctual happiness was less about feelings of elation, joy, and serenity than about the absence of hunger, thirst, and cold, very much akin to the lowest rung of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Defended Happiness 

Happiness may not be the presence, but rather the absence, of certain feelings. For example, we experience what we call happiness when we are not experiencing psychological obstacles such as doubt, worry, ruminations, or hypervigilance. We also experience what we call happiness when we are not experiencing aversive emotions such as fear, frustration, anger, or despair. Lastly, we experience what we call happiness when there are no physical barriers including stress, exhaustion, illness, and injury.

Unfortunately, we aren’t often able to just relieve ourselves of these truly unpleasant experiences because they are either deeply ingrained, beyond our control, or must be endured due to our life circumstances. Psychotherapy or other forms of interventions can help, but they are definitely not fool proof.

In these situations, we engage in what I call “defended happiness,” in which we develop habits and patterns of thinking, feeling, behaving, and interacting with the world that protect us from the pain sufficiently to feel some mild semblance of happiness (again, more the absence of ill feelings rather than the presence of good feelings). Perfectionism, fear of failure, need for control, need to please, and social isolation (and, in extreme cases, severe mental illness) are all ways in which we attempt to feel less unhappy. In this defended form of happiness, we are, in a way, choosing the lesser of the two evils. Unfortunately, as you look at this list of ways to reduce our pain, you will see little opportunity for real happiness. But, for many people, that is as happy as they are going to get (at least in the short term). Apologies for sounding so fatalistic, but life can be that way.

Medicated Happiness

Sadly, despite our best efforts, some of us are unable to readily defend ourselves against unhappiness through internal action (i.e., changing the way we think, feel, or behave). In this situation, we turn to external means, which brings me to my third level of happiness, “medicated happiness.” As I noted above, we all experience thoughts and emotions that detract from our happiness. In response, we engage in activities that “medicate” us against those experiences.

Most of us do things that aren’t really harmful, yet temporarily dull the emotional pain we may feel that prevents our experiencing some modicum of happiness. Moreover, our “medications” can help us to experience a psychological and emotional state that resembles happiness as we know it, at least in short bursts. We surround ourselves with people who make us feel loved, valued, supported, and encouraged. We exercise which takes our minds off of our troubles, makes us feel good physically, and releases endorphins (which reduces stress and can produce a brief bursts of euphoria). We immerse ourselves in work, hobbies, and other activities (e.g., charitable work, art, cooking, movie watching, reading, the list is endless) that distract us from and temporarily dull our pain. Though less common, some people go to extreme lengths to medicate themselves in ways that not only cause more unhappiness, but also have significant health implications including drinking alcohol, taking drugs, and gambling.

Contented Happiness

The levels of happiness that I’ve described so far hardly fit into our culturally defined understanding of what happiness should be. At the same time, the reality is that one of the above three levels of happiness may be as good as it’s going to get for some people whether due to genes or unfortunate life circumstances.

Contentment is the feeling that we get when we engage in pleasurable activities such as walking our dogs, having dinner with friends, hanging out with our children, pursuing an enjoyable hobby, the list goes on. They make us feel “happy” for a little while. We choose our activities that align with our personalities, values, and interests. Such activities will, they suggest, produce the greatest amount of good feelings possible which can give the experience of, though, not the depth and breadth of so-called real happiness.

Existential Happiness

At the top of my happiness hierarchy lies what I call “existential happiness.” I would characterize this as the only “real” happiness, the most deep, true, and lasting form of happiness. Existential happiness comes from living our lives in a way that is infused with meaning, satisfaction, and joy. It comes from living an authentic life based on our values; having a passion for and caring deeply about something; setting, striving for, and achieving deeply held goals; engaging in activities that are fulfilling; and being deeply connected to others.

As you can imagine, this is no small feat given that the reality of much of life is often mundane, routine, and rote. Moreover, so much of our  thoughts and routine pushes us to pursue happiness in the wrong direction, telling us it is about wealth, power, status, consumption, and beauty.

Happiness seem both out of our control and beyond our capabilities. 

Happiness is worth pursuing and how we can actually find happiness, though it may not be the  happiness that we have been brainwashed to believe in.

  Consider four paths forward. 

First, initially focus on the obstacles that have prevented your experiencing happiness to this point. In other words, look for ways to let go of whatever has caused you to settle for defended or medicated happiness. 

Second, figure out what your values are and what gives meaning to your life. 

Third, within the confines of the busy, stressful, and humdrum lives we often lead, build experiences that given you purpose, fulfillment, and joy into your daily lives on a regular basis, thus making those routine days a little less routine. 

Finally, free yourself of the shackles of a belief about happiness (“I can find nirvana!”) that probably doesn’t exist and embrace an understanding of happiness that you can actually attain.

When survival is settled we have n number of problems, when survival is unsettled, that is the only problem. 

Happiness @ Post Pandemic Graduate

HOW TO BE HAPPY 

Happiness is both a journey and a destination. Remember, no one wakes up in the morning thinking, "May I suffer the whole day?"  Whatever you do, wherever you study or work, the underlying desire of every individual is to be happy: happy at college, happy at home, happy generally. Our respective profession be it medicine, engineering, journalism, whatever, is only a road where the ultimate destination is happiness. 

In my generation, the goal was to go to the IIM. We told ourselves that if we get there, we will become big shots in corporate India, earn lots, marry the best girl, have a high social standing, etc. We never realized that getting into the IIM was just a first step. Once in, you have lots of other issues: grades, competitions, placements, Moorish professors, etc.

Some may say, "If only I had a better boss, life wouldn't be difficult." Or if only I went on that vacation in Zurich, life would be fantastic. 

I tell people that if you get into this idea of 'if this is done, then that will happen, then you are on the wrong path. It’s my rule one, “Don’t get into the IF-THEN model. We need to accept the world as it is.” This is not to say that we should not be aspirational; yes we must have goals and be ambitious, but I don't think we should set out to change the world. Change yourself. 

Let’s move to our second rule; the spaghetti sauce model. In the 1980s the Campbell Soup Company made Prego, which along with a competing product Ragu were top spaghetti (pasta) sauces. While Ragu was the front runner, Prego was a fantastic sauce. It had tardiness: if you poured Prego on to spaghetti, it would stay there. Whereas Ragu flows out. And taste-wise also, many people felt Prego tasted better. Notwithstanding these Prego was only a challenger, not the market leader. 

It hired a man called Howard Moskowitz and sought his advice. Moskowitz made 45 different variations of the sauce: based on sweetness, tartness, sourness, visible solid etc.,. He then got loads of people to a town hall and gave each of them 10 small bowls of soup. They were to rate the 10 bowls on a scale of one to 10. 

Six months later, he had a mountain of data. He broke them into three groups and said, "Americans like sauce, which is plain; some like that which is spicy; and there are some who like sauce, which is extra chunky." The third finding was remarkable because no mall in the US at that particular point in time sold heavily extra chunky sauce. So, Prego asked Moskowitz, are "you trying to say that we in the sauce industry are not producing a product, which 33% of America likes?" And Moskowitz said, "yes." 

Prego went back to the drawing board, decided to make an extra chunky sauce, marketed, and then the next 10 years, made some $60 billion of money.

The moral of the story is  simple. Happiness lies in embracing diversity. It not about I have a car, I want a better car, I want the best car, I want a still better car.  We must realize that different things bring happiness to different people. What brings joy to me does not bring happiness to you. In fact, in medicine, people say that there is no such thing as cancer. Your cancer is different from my cancer is different from her cancer because people have different versions of cancer. Also for the same person, many things may bring happiness: winning in matches, scoring high grades, getting into a great summer placement, etc. 

We move to our model: the tyranny of choice. I love jeans. The great thing about it is that you never have to wash. You can wear them for three years and then burn them! Some four years back, I wanted to buy another pair of jeans, so I went to a mall, and told the guy, "I want jeans. My waist size is XX." 

“Sir, do you want a slim fit, or easy fit, or relaxed fit?”

I didn't understand anything. You see, in our times, you walked into a shop, gave your waist size, and presto they would give us a jean pant. 

The guy said, “No Sir. It isn’t like that. You will have to tell me which.” 

“Get me an easy fit.”

“You want zipper fly or button fly?”

It took me a moment to realize what a zipper fly was, and I ordered, “zipper fly.” 

My Math mind worked. I now realized I had 3x2, six combinations. 

The man was not finished with his questions. “Do you want it stone-washed or acid-washed? “

“Acid-washed,” I said, without much thought. Already there were 12 combinations.

Then he came with the final one. "Do you want it bottom cut or bottom tapered?" 

I was tired and told, “anything will do so long as you have my waist size!”

When I walked out of the mall, I'm sure the jeans I bought was better than how the one I bought years ago. But after walking 100 feet, I wondered, "Hey, if I had not bought acid-washed but chosen stone-washed, would it not have been better?” And then, after walking another 100 feet, I thought, “Oh, why did I buy bottom cut? Bottom tapered would have been better!” 

Now in my earlier way of buying, if my mother said the jeans of yours is looking bad, I could tell her, "This is the only type available." The choice was not mine. Today, if the jeans are not good, the problem is on me. 

So, I have always believed that the lesser the choice is actually, the better. If you endlessly look at options, you run into trouble. When your ‘jeans’ is bad, the world is at fault. When there are 100s of choices and you make one and it fails, you have no excuse for failure because you are responsible. And therein lies regret, opportunity cost, escalation of expectations and self-blame.

The moral: reduce your choices, and the secret of happiness lies in low expectation. 

To summarize: The objective of life is to be happy. Everything else flows from there. The three rules of happiness are: (a) Accept things as they are. (b) Enhance diversity and © Have less choice and lowered expectations. 

6 F OF HAPPINESS

Fame:  Fame brings you happiness. Make no mistake about it. 

Fortune: Some people say money does not bring happiness. I won't agree with that. If you have money, it's good. With it, many things can be taken care of.

Family: If you have a sound support system, you will be happy. 

Friends: If you build three good friends, whom I can call and speak at three o'clock in the night and sob over your problem, then your life is well lived. 

Fitness: We are going to live longer, thanks to science. Lot many people are going to live well into their 90s. So, you will have to be fit. 

Future: Suppose you think you have a bright future, have a good education, and constantly rescale yourself. In that case, you will be happy—Denmark, the happiest country globally, names two reasons for happiness: fitness and education. 

HOW TO KEEP YOURSELF HAPPY : TEN IDEAS 

Learn what gives you happiness.  A number of small things can create a large impact on your life, health, and happiness. Here are a few that psychologists suggest.

1. Be grateful: Before going to bed, write 3 to 5 things that you felt grateful for that day. 

2. Give back: Give 10% of your income to charity. 

3. Foster relationships: You are your happiest when your loved ones surround you. Make the time to build and sustain strong relationships.  

4. Me time: Step back and take some time for yourself in order to cultivate self-care. 

5. Volunteer time: When you give your time, your focus shifts from your life to that of others.

6. Exercise and Eat: When you take time out for exercise, you’re doing your body well. By eating healthier food, you’ll feel more vibrant and energetic. 

7. Avoid regrets: Laugh everyday. Regrets are an appalling waste of time. Let the past bury the dead.

8. Meditate: Make time to be still. If your life is a mad dash from one thing to the next, happiness will have a hard time catching up to you. Slow down, and reflect. Do some deep breathing for 10 minutes. 

9. Stay positive: A big chunk of your happiness comes from how you choose to see the world.  Ignore noise in social media.

10. Experience things: the first love, the first kiss, the first baby, etc., these are memories that would last a lifetime. Experience them. 

FINDING YOUR PURPOSE

From our childhood, we are programmed by the expectations of our parents, family, and society.  These expectations lead us to take a  path which may not find comfortable.  Often, parents want us to play safely in life. They don't want us to fail and fall. Of course, they want the best for their children, but their expectations may not be the purpose of our life. By mechanically following those expectations, we will be playing someone else's game. 

Each of us is born for a purpose, and you must find out that purpose for you.  We exist in this world for a defined period, and during this time, we do many things. Some are important, and others unimportant. Those essential things give meaning to our lives and provide us with happiness, while the unimportant ones just kill our good time.

We will have to discover the real purpose in our life. Whether it be becoming a businessman, spending your life on a social cause, or working for a leading company. Are you driven by money or a purpose? Most of today's youth wants to make a meaningful impact on the world. Read books, network with like-minded people, cultivate good hobbies and look at what people appreciate at you to identify the purpose for your life.  All you need to find out is what you love to do. Listen to your heart.

Dealing with Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be extremely draining and can take a toll on your self-esteem.

https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-the-covert-narcissist-4584587

Never fight with narcissists — shut them down instead. 

Don't let in criticism. It is draining. They will keep making you feel wrong. They will blame you. 

Say I am sorry you believe that, but I am not letting that in. Don't let it in. don't allow them to make you the victim. 

A true narcissist is someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It’s a mental health condition characterized by:

• an inflated sense of importance
• a deep need for excessive attention and admiration
• lack of empathy for others
• often having troubled relationships

What it boils down to, 

• Control
• Criticism
• Chipping
• Blaming

The way you think about yourself determines the life you will lead. 

If you're self-critical and self-doubting, you limit your potential and wellbeing. But when you unlock new, empowered beliefs about yourself, the sky is the limit.