The End of your life book club - Will Schwalbe

Two member Book club with mother- son; being the members gave them a welter of great books to read - book to savor and ponder, to enjoy, and to help Mary Ann(e) on her journey towards death and Will Schwalbe on his journey to life without Mom. Was planning to read a Fiction, and never realised untill half way through that it was Non-Fiction. A weekend well spend, understanding various books, relations and life's journey covering places, reading, work, family, God, prayer - when outside travels are restricted. ' The end of your life book club' a brave and soulful elegy to his mother by Will Schwalbe was 34th of 2020; and reminded me of my interactions with father, when he was going through his chemo. Mary and Me share the same birthday.  Of her two favourite books, Marjorie Morning Star and Gone with the wind; one is my favourite too, yet to read the other.

Reflections from the book:

 "We all have a lot more to read than we can read and a lot more to do than we can do. Reading isn't the opposite of doing, it's the opposite of dying. People we love stay with us even after they are gone, as our favorite books, stay with us, for our entire life. Reverence for books is what we all have in common - Every religion. From the Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett "Reading is untidy, discursive and perpetually inviting; Books are not about passing the time. They're about other lives. Other worlds. The appeal of reading lay in its indifference. There was something undeferring about literature. Books did not care who was reading them or whether one read them or not. All readers were equal." Reading helps to recognize cruelty, death, pain. So read. 

Permanent is not; impermanent is not; a self is not; not a self (is not) ; clean is not; not clean is not; happy is not; suffering is not. - Seventy verses of Emptiness.

From Etiquette of Illness - 1) Ask 'Do you want to talk about how you're feeling? 2) Don't ask if there's anything you can do. Suggest things, or if it's not intrusive, just do them.  3) You don't have to talk all the time. Sometimes just being there is enough. 

When you couldn't decide between two things, choose the one that allows you to change course if necessary. Not the road less travelled, but the road with the exit ramp. If you went places, you could always come back, but if you stayed at home, you might not get the opportunity to go to places. 

From Daily Strength for Daily Needs - "It is not by regretting what is irreparable that true work is to be done, but by making the best of what we are. It is not by complaining that we have not the right tools, but by using well the tools we have. What we are, and where we are, is God's providential arrangement, - God's doing, though it may be man's misdoing; and the manly and the wise way is to look your disadvantages in the face, and see what can be made out of them" - F.W. Robertson

Just imagine you are awakened tonight by someone in your family who says to you, 'Put the things you treasure most in one small bag that you can carry and be ready in few minutes, we have to leave our home to the nearest border, never to come back again?' How would you feel? How would you manage? 

There were many Writer who had changed the course of Mom Mary's life, but one name that topped the list was Sindy Cheung and the poem 'I am sorrow' -

Who will listen to my feeling?

Who will listen to my useless land?

After the war, my skin had been damaged, 

There are craters in my body.

Although I was sad, sorry and suffering,

Who will listen to my feeling?

 I was sad, sorry and suffering,

Who will know my feeling?

I am not sad about my harmed body,

I am sorrow because of the people who can't use me rightly,

Who will know my feeling?

" Whatever beings there are, may they be free from suffering. Whatever beings there are, may they be free from enmity. Whatever beings there are, may they be free from hurtfulness. Whatever beings there are, may they be free from I'll health. Whatever beings there are, may they be able to protect their own happiness".

A prayer from " The Lizard Cage" by Karen Connelly

Evil starts with small cruelties. People who promise things, that they never give are like clouds and wind that bring no rain: do not be mislead by promises. You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. Do what needs to be done. Use emotions to concentrate. Loneliness is the price we have to pay for being born in the modern world, so full of freedom, independence and our own egotistical selves. We owe everyone for everything. Give friendship and love. Grief when it comes, is nothing we expect it to be. Death of loved ones, will bring sadness, loneliness, regret for time gone by, for things unsaid, for inability to share or even in any real way to acknowledge, at the end, the pain and helplessness and physical humiliation of the departed. 

The bite of the Mango was very touching. by Mariatu Kamara, recipient of Voices of Courage award, who had come to speak for Women's Refugee commission; she had no hands. Born in Sierra Leone at the age of 12 rebels her age set houses on fire, murdered people, and finally cut her hands - so she would not vote! They spoke the same language, and could have been friends, but inspite of repeated request they did not refrain from chopping off her arms. After walking all through the night, she came across a man who was willing to help her, and feed her a mango, but she did not want to be fed by him, she managed to take a few bites of the fruit by cradling it in her injured arms.

We are all in the end-of-our-life book club, whether we acknowledge it or not; each book we read may well be the last, each conversation the final one. Keep smiling. You might not be able to make things, but enjoy them. Tell your family everyday, that you love them. And make sure they know that you're proud of them too.