Boundaries is just another word for Self- Love. When you stick to Boundaries long enough, it becomes culture. Boundaries mean safe space. Just like at our home, we need to have it around ourselves as well. It is there to serve us.
Ask who am I being unfair to? If my unfairness is more than fairness - say No to what you can do.
Problem in boundaries setting:
- We are people pleaser
- 'Love has no boundaries' is what we feel, love without boundary is harassment and abuse. When we give more, we expect more. They did not ask us to juice and squeeze.
- Boundaries are never aggressive, it is being assertive. - It is needed in personal life and professional life - including coaching. When checked, don't apologise, but don't repeat.
- Never shame anybody if they cross you. Don't shame them or be angry. Be clear and set boundary before hand.
- Boundaries change with the closeness with people.
- We are scared of abandonment
- 90% of us do not communicate our boundaries but get angry.
- Start to say Yes to yourself. It is not about saying No to anybody else. Understand and make right choices.
- Choices and Consequences - It is important to set consequences. Use 'I' sentences. and instruct 'In the future....' I will be practicing the "I feel.... about this....Next time, I need you to...." technique often times a day till it gets ingrained in subconscious. Follow this and you will become an expert. (think of one boundary, consequence you will create), if you become an expert at this, life will become easy.
- Setting boundaries and feeling guilty are two sides of same coin. You feel like letting it pass and become a big hearted person. It is not okay. Other will create disappointment in you, when you create boundaries.
As a women, our strength is in creating our boundaries. Show other their places. If we get scared, men come on, if we are strong and respond, they retreat. It does not matter if people are men or women.
Own your peacockness. Peacock was born to be seen. Own all of who you are, and don't let anyone make you feel down. Challenge completely and don't be sorry.
Let's build our boundaries.
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